


PERFECT STRANGER

by baeconandeggs, byunchan0461



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Angst, M/M, Romance, attempts on humour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2020-04-11 18:07:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 65,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19114948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baeconandeggs/pseuds/baeconandeggs, https://archiveofourown.org/users/byunchan0461/pseuds/byunchan0461
Summary: Baekhyun has an imaginary friend who ends up being a constant in his life.





	1. SOMEONE TO LOVE

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt:** BAE1143  
>  **Disclaimer: baeconandeggs/the mods is/are not the author/s of this story. Authors will be credited and tagged after reveals.** The celebrities' names/images are merely borrowed and do not represent who the celebrities are in real life. No offense is intended towards them, their families or friends. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this fictional work. No copyright infringement is intended.  
>   
> 
> **Author's Note:**
> 
> Yay! 2nd year in BAE! ^.~
> 
> I know the warning looks scary but I'm hoping that you’ll still give this a chance? :) 
> 
> Let me first thank the mods for bearing with me and for giving me enough extensions just so I could finish this story. Thank you so much for everything! I love you guys to bits! ^.~ I’d also like to thank the prompter for giving me the liberty to choose who gets to drive the story further. It sure took me weeks to finally settle on who to do so though. ^.~ Writing this had been a series of “I can do this,” and a lot of “Arghh— I can’t do this,” so please forgive me if this isn’t what you have in mind. I did my best and I hope that you’ll still get to like this even though the description as well as the title kind of sucked. T_T
> 
> Secondly, I apologise for the messy structure of the story. Time travel sure is a complicated one to write about so please bear with the complexities as well as the lame grammar constructions you’ll come across with. T_T I really did try my best. 
> 
> Lastly, this is for R, who always ruins the heck out of me with her stories— You are the reason behind this fic so thank you for the inspiration. ^.~ And also to D, who helped me wrap this story up— this one's for you. ^.~
> 
>  
> 
> P.S.: Please note that some of the words in here were from those that I've gathered from the Internet. I'm not trying to own them. They're here to put more meaning into this story.

 

_**October 9, 1999** _

_**Dear Diary,** _

_**Yeo died today.** _

  

Standing outside a verdant lawn on a chilly Saturday afternoon was 7-year old, Byun Baekhyun, who was staring at nothing with a lost and broken look on his face. Today was considerably one of the saddest days in his life— the day he lost his friend, _Yeo._

Baekhyun had always wanted a dog ever since his cousin Jongdae brought his 1 year old bulldog at their house. _Chul_ was an adorable and playful little mutt who had easily captured his heart. The pup was able to match his boundless energy and would always be in the mood to play with them despite of his heavy built. So when Baekhyun’s birthday came around, he already knew what to ask for— and a _puppy_ he would get.

What he ended up getting was a German Shepherd puppy whom he named Yeo. He was two-toned, brown and black, and had lanky arms and legs, with deep brown eyes and flat ears sitting atop his head. He was the most active pup at the pet store and Baekhyun was immediately drawn at him. Baekhyun thought he was still the cutest even though his ears were still lazy to stand up— just like what he’d seen in most full-grown German shepherd dogs. He didn’t really care about inconsequential things like that because he already loved him the moment he laid his eyes on him.

Baekhyun’s childhood never had a dull moment since then because Yeo was a hyperactive dog who’d play and exhaust his energy every single day. They were attached at the hip— always seen together basking in the sun whenever they’re done playing with each other. Yeo loved to run around the house and sniff furnitures here and there and his hobby was to thrash the whole living room with his and Baekhyun’s toys where they’d both end up getting an earful from Mrs. Byun after she’d seen the mess they did. Baekhyun treated the dog as a human and would even talk to him as one too because to him, Yeo was his first best friend— the most exciting part of his day and the one he’d always run home to.

But then Yeo got sick— He got so sick that Baekhyun worried himself to the bone. Yeo was only 5 months old, with a fragile immune system that made him prone to being infested with bacterias and viruses. _So that’s what happened._ When the Byuns took him to the vet for a check-up, they said that his symptoms seemed to be from a viral infection and to confirm the assumption, Yeo was submitted to lab works which later on revealed that he was _positive_ for parvo.

The announcement made Baekhyun’s mom cry, to which he couldn’t understand why. He knew what positive meant and it was supposed to mean good, right? Didn’t that mean they already knew what’s making his Yeo vomit and poop blood? So why was his mommy _crying?_

Baekhyun was just 7-years old, clueless about a lot of things especially those that weren’t yet discussed in his school. _So how was he supposed to know how dangerous those organisms were?_ How could his young mind understand the disaster those viruses bring to a living creature? And how could his innocent heart accept _death?_

 

Big, fat tears slowly ran down Baekhyun’s cheeks as he crouched in front of the small cross with a carved Yeo scribbled on it. His father was the one who made it and had even dug a place at the farthest part of their yard to bury him. The sight of his name shattered Baekhyun’s heart into pieces, triggering the beginning of a loud sob.

_“It’s okay, Baekhyunnie.”_

Baekhyun almost jumped at the unexpected interruption and immediately sought the owner of the voice. Beside him was a man, who was looking at him with a bit of worry in his eyes but also had a grin on his lips as if there’s something worth smiling about. His smile brought a frown on his face but the man didn’t seem to notice it for his grin continued to flourish.

“Why are you smiling, Mister?”

The man’s smile softened.

“Because Yeo’s not hurting anymore, Baekhyunnie. He’s in a better place now, you see.”

The sun finally peaked from the clouds, setting its rays onto the stranger’s face so Baekhyun began to scrutinise him. The man was handsome, a perfect rival to any princes in his story book, only without the rich-looking clothes along with a cape and a big white horse. His eyes were huge and sparkly and were twitching at the corners along with the smile on his lips. His hair was jet-black and was beautifully messed up by the breeze that passed through it and he was tall; the tallest man he’d ever seen.

“So don’t be sad, okay? Yeo’s going to be alright from now on since he’s not gonna be in pain anymore.” The man said with a gentle smile on his lips. “But if you still want to cry, I’m here, Baekhyunnie. You don’t have to be a tough cookie in front of me—”

Baekhyun’s lips trembled over the words but he tried his best to smile through it.

“And I won’t tell anyone, I promise.”

That was all it took for him to finally cry and the stranger was quick to comfort him by soothing his back. True to his words, the man stayed with him as he cried his heart out.

“W-who are you?”

Baekhyun’s voice was almost a whisper but the stranger seemed to have heard him clearly.

“It’s—“

 _“Baekhyun-ah!”_ His mom called in distress as she looked at him with concern. “Who are you talking to?”

The moment Baekhyun turned his attention back to where the stranger was supposed to be at, he was surprised to find out that he was _gone._ He kept on blinking his eyes just to make sure that his vision wasn’t fooling him but the man was still nowhere in sight.

“Are you okay, Baekhyun-ah?”

Still at a lost to what just happened, Baekhyun gave her a tiny smile to appease her worry.

“I’m okay, eomma.”

His mom sat down next to him and held his hands.

“Are you done praying for Yeo?”

Baekhyun nodded as he returned his eyes back to the spot where his friend was at.

“Alright, then. Shall we get you inside and warm you up with a cup of chocolate?”

Baekhyun’s lips slowly curled up into a goofy smile as his mother stood up and helped him out of his crouched state. He laced his hand with his mom’s and showed her his toothy smile which was returned with a gentle one.

“Can we put lots of marshmallows on it too, eomma?”

“As you wish, Baekhyun-ah.”

  

 

>>•<< 

 

_**July 4, 2006** _

_**My new neighbour’s moving in today** _  
_**and I’m excited to meet the boy** _  
_**my mom’s been talking about.** _

 

The next time Baekhyun saw him was when he was 14, peeking behind his curtain to check out their new neighbours.

There’s a new family who’s moving next to their duplex house today and Baekhyun couldn’t hide the excitement he was feeling. His parents had already met the newcomers two days prior their arrival and his mom happily told him that they had a boy who was the same age as him.

So when the trailer truck arrived, Baekhyun was quick to hop from his bed and carefully positioned himself behind his curtain. His eyes immediately sought for that boy because he was really looking forward to meet him and was actually hoping to have a friend in him. Most of the kids in their neighbourhood didn’t want to befriend him because _bullies_  had always been very fond of him.

Due to his being short, Baekhyun became a target for bullies who— not only abused him verbally but would sometimes push and hurt him intentionally. He blamed his physical features for his agony— his droopy eyes which made him look compliant, his aura which gave the impression of a weak boy, and his timidity which was almost like that of a girl’s. He learned to hate himself because it led to a lot of teasing from his classmates and attracted more of the bullies. And ever since the first time it happened, nobody wanted to get near him and that only made him feel alone.

 

Everyone seemed to have boxes in their arms as they carried them inside the house. The family looked well off, if Baekhyun were to consider those exquisite furnitures that the movers were carefully taking out of the truck. A man, whom Baekhyun had a feeling to be the dad, kept barking out orders here and there which everyone seemed to be taking seriously—

Everyone, _except_ a chubby boy with golden round glasses.

Baekhyun focused his attention toward the said boy, who at the moment, was playing with a tiny creature he assumed was a ferret. He’d seen one during his trip at the zoo not to recognise the features even from afar. There were laughters erupting from his mouth as he played with the creature, who was chasing after him while he kept on dodging its attempts. Baekhyun smiled widely at the sight. At least, there’s something he’s now sure they’d click with.

_“Baekhyunnie~”_

The call surprised him so much that when he pulled his hand away from the curtain, he dragged his pencil case along with him, causing a loud noise to reverberate across the room. The person, who had the audacity to grin, only crouched next to the mess he made and carefully gathered all the scattered pencils around them.

“W-why do you always s-surprise me like that?”

The stranger grinned bigger and even more playful that Baekhyun had to calm himself out not to get swayed by how compelling that smile was.

“My room’s locked so h-how in the world did you get in?”

The man leisurely strolled his way to his location and as soon as he’s a feet away from him, his hands carefully inched his face and caressed it in an affectionate manner. Baekhyun felt his cheeks burn at the gesture.

“I could get in at anywhere, anytime, with or without its door being locked. Why are you even surprised, Baekhyunnie? It’s not like it’s the first time I’ve done this—”

That statement gave way to Baekhyun’s buried questions as he remembered the first time he had seen the man and how mystified he was because of his sudden disappearance.

“Who are you?”

The man’s face lit up and another huge grin made its way into his lips. Baekhyun thought he was really handsome with a smile on his lips.

“Hmm— Let’s just say that I’m the little prince in that favourite story book of yours...”

“ _Little_ prince?” Baekhyun scoffed, he surely wasn’t buying that lie. “But you’re a _giant…_ ”

The stranger laughed heartily and gently ruffled his hair.

“Such a very observant boy you are, Baekhyunnie.”

Baekhyun once again blushed, feeling his heart warm up at the compliment.

“It’s not yet time for you to know who I am but if you’re not convinced that I’m the little prince— then let’s settle on being your imaginary friend.”

“But I’m too old to have imaginary friends already. I’m—“

“14, I know.” The man moved next to him and slid the curtain to look outside. There was a gentle smile on his lips as he stared at someone fondly.

“So how do you find your neighbours? Did you find _someone_ interesting?”

Baekhyun blushed at that and the man only chuckled in return.

“No,” he said, averting his eyes away from the stranger. “There’s no one.”

The man snorted and walked back to his twin bed and sat at the end of it.

“Now don’t be shy, Baekhyunnie. You don’t have to den—“

“There isn’t anything to deny because I’m not interested in hi—“

Baekhyun’s eyes widened as the man’s grin once again turned bigger. He immediately lowered his head and prayed that his cheeks weren’t betraying him— _which actually were._

“I just want to be friends with him,” he whispered and a chuckle escaped from the man’s lips.

“I know, Baekhyunnie— but don’t you worry…” He paused and now his face was radiating with glee. “... Your excitement won’t be in vain. It’s all gonna be worth it.”

  

 

>>•<<

 

_**November 6, 2006** _

_**I wonder what I did** _  
_**that made him feel** _  
_**uncomfortable around me.** _

 

There’s a new kid in class whom Baekhyun found interesting— he’s funny, smart, and really adorable most especially whenever he’d brag about his pet, _Ddori._

 

Park Chanyeol was the name of his neighbour and he’s a huge ball of sunshine. _Huge,_ because he’s not just at least a head taller than any of his classmates— _with his lengthy limbs and legs that could go on for days_ — but was heavily built too. He had curly, dark locks that were messily scattered across his forehead and his circular glasses were adorably magnifying his already big, round eyes. He had funny ears too that were sticking out on either side of his head which Baekhyun thought were cute. Chanyeol was one of the most favoured boys in class due to his bubbly personality and that made Baekhyun a ~~bit~~ interested in him.

Chanyeol was also exceptionally smart. With an above average intelligence, his IQ was something no one dared to laugh about. Not only would he ace their written exams but he could also wow everyone with his musical skills. He was good at playing both the guitar and drums, which he said he owed to his musician parents. The Parks had just started a company of their own but had already began to make a name in the music industry. They were good at honing their talents by helping them reach their full potentials and weren’t one to go for visuals but with the capability of what a talent really possessed.

But despite of all those positive features, Chanyeol had one flaw— _he’s exceptionally awkward_ — a big stuttering mess to people he’s not comfortable to be around with and unfortunately for Baekhyun, he happened to be the _first_ on that list.

 

“ _Damn it._ What the hell did I even do to him?”

Baekhyun grumbled as he once again saw the taller running toward the other way as soon as he had spotted him. It’s not new anymore for it had been happening ever since the beginning of the school year and Baekhyun’s really getting tired of his neighbour’s antics.

A sigh escaped his lips when he heard a chuckle beside him.

“Why are you so keen on being close to him when he obviously doesn’t want to be anywhere near you?” Jongdae raised a groomed brow at him. “Do you have a crush on him or something?”

And Baekhyun’s reaction sold him. It was _priceless_ — with his mouth, opening and closing like a fish being deprived of water.

“ _Wow_ — I wasn’t expecting that,” Jongdae said with a teasing smile. “So you _do_ have a cru—“

“No, _stupid._ ” A blush crept along Baekhyun’s cheeks, rising all the way to the tips of his ears. “He’s ju—“

 _“Just a crush.”_ Jongdae finished with emphasis. “Don’t lie to me, Baekhyun! Your feelings are all over your face so you really can’t deny it.”

Baekhyun could only sigh at the accusation because there was no way he could argue against someone who had known him since diaper days. Besides, Jongdae was right. He had developed a crush over his neighbour ever since the first time they’ve been introduced to each other.

He could still remember the very first time they met. His family had organised a dinner with the Parks a week after they’d moved in. Baekhyun was beyond excited that he spent an hour in front of the mirror to check if he’s all set. He was ready to charm his neighbour’s socks off.

Baekhyun was never awkward during first meetings. In fact, he’s always thrilled to meet new people. But what he ended up doing that night was to only give his neighbour a shy smile as he extended his right hand toward the other. What he got in return though was a scrutinising look from head to foot, with Chanyeol gaping at him as if he’d grown two heads. Baekhyun immediately felt conscious but thanks to Mrs. Park’s strong elbow for drawing his son back from his stupor. If not for her, Chanyeol would of probably stayed rooted on his spot the whole evening.

After that night, they’ve never interacted anymore because Chanyeol had been so keen on avoiding him to which he had no idea why. Baekhyun’s actually at a loss as to what he had done wrong because as far as he could remember, he only gave him a smile that night and nothing more. He didn’t even get to touch the guy, _for God’s sake,_ because the other didn’t take his hand when he offered it to him. So what was Park Chanyeol getting all worked up for whenever he’s within his perimeter? What did he ever do to him that made him run as if he had been threatened by him?

“That’s actually good, Baek!” Jongdae’s eyes were teasing. He’s definitely enjoying where this was going. “But you’ve got to stop scaring him or you won’t score a dat—“

“I wasn’t scaring him!” Baekhyun harshly shrugged the arm away and stamped into the hallway with a scowl on his face. “I don’t know why he behaves like that whenever he sees me and I have no idea what I did to make him run away every time we cross paths. It’s getting on my nerves already. It’s not like I will eat him alive if we ever get close, you know. He’s way bigger than me. He can even crush me like a bug in an instant with that— _built_ of his. I don’t even think I can touch a freaking strand of his hair if I ever dared to challenge him.”

Jongdae laughed over his exasperation.

“Then why don’t you try cornering him and ask him what you did wrong? That’s not really hard to do, if you ask me—”

“Did you really think I haven’t done that already? I tried waiting on him at the lockers last week and you know what that giant did? As soon as he saw me standing there, he ran off and took all the things _he’s supposed to put in his locker_ with him. I don’t know if I want to cry or get mad at the thought that he’d rather bring all of his books at home than be near me.”

Jongdae once again laughed at Baekhyun’s complaints.

“I wonder what you did that made Park so allergic with just your mere existence— I guess the only choice you have right now is to either let fate do its magic or you take matters at hand— which I’m sure will end up pretty badly knowing how moronic your ideas usually are.”

Baekhyun immediately shoot him a glare, flipped him a finger and hastily turned his back on him while the latter continued to laugh over his rage.

“You’re an asshole. I’m denying of our blood relation from now on.”

 

It was one Tuesday afternoon when fate decided to intervene between the two of them.

Baekhyun was asked to go to the Biology lab to get some chemicals they’d be using for their experiment. He kept on grumbling and cursing along the way because he didn’t really like going at the lab where those bottled creatures were kept. It never failed to creep the heck out of him ever since he got locked in there when he was 13.

That day, he was assigned to clean the lab after their experiment and he eagerly did his best to do the task. What he didn’t know was the lab door was defective— its latch had the tendency to get stuck on its strike, so when his last classmate went out and slammed the door shut, Baekhyun got trapped inside the room along with those bottled creatures.

Baekhyun had an overactive imagination ever since he was little and the silence plus the ambiance of the room that afternoon made his brain overwork. He was tricked into believing that those creatures were beginning to move and would swim its way out of the bottle and jump on him. The thought scared him to death so he pounded the door nonstop and screamed so loud for help even though he knew that there would be no one out there to hear his pleas because Science was their _last_ subject.

Luckily, someone happened to pass by and came to his rescue. The person never left him and kept on reassuring him that he’s just right there and would do his best to get him out of there. And when the door finally opened, the 13-year old immediately jumped into that person’s arms and cried on his chest in relief.

Baekhyun couldn't really remember anything that day even the person whom he hugged. His mind seemed to have blocked out certain bits and pieces of the traumatic experience. What he could only remember was that _deep_ voice, soothing his entire being out of his panic. Baekhyun would never be thankful enough for how perfect his timing was.

“Come on, Baekhyunnie. I’ll walk you to the lab room,” someone behind him said and the familiarity of the voice almost shook him to the core that it left him gaping at the owner, as the clogs in his brain finally connected the puzzle pieces together.

“Wait a minute— that was _you?_ ”

A bright smile manifested on the man’s face.

“Yup— the one and only,” then he wrapped an arm around his shoulders as he said, “So there’s really no need for you to be scared now since _we’_ re here.”

“Who’s we— _Holy freaking shit_ —“

Baekhyun let out an unmanly shriek at the sight before him and he could only sigh in relief to see that nobody saw him reacting like a girl. There was a _snake_ — a tiny one, squirming its way through the door of the lab room. He didn’t know if it was dangerous but what he could only rely on was the fact that all snakes had venoms, one bite could kill him in an instant.

 _“Antaresia childreni,”_ a voice said, deep and monotonous, and Baekhyun was quick to turn his head toward the source— which surprisingly was his neighbour, _Park Chanyeol._

“They’re from the non venomous species of pythons,” he crouched next to it and picked it up without any safety gears on him. “... so they’re safe.”

Baekhyun immediately backed away for fear of being bitten. He still wasn’t convinced that it wasn’t poisonous.

“Is that thing yours?”

The tall boy shook his head.

“Alright then— you be nice to it, okay?”

Baekhyun was nowhere near stupid but what he just said made him look like one. He didn’t know why of all things he could say, that was what he ended up saying. And it was so embarrassing that he wanted nothing but to bang his head for making fool out of himself. But then there’s a chuckle coming from the boy in front of him, immediately stopping his plan of slamming his head against the nearest wall.

“I’m always nice to living creatures so there’s no need for you to worry about that. But thank you, anyway, for the reminder.” Chanyeol gave him a tiny smile. “If you don’t mind me asking though, may I know why you’re here, _Baekhyun?_ ”

The way Chanyeol said his name somehow ignited the sleeping butterflies in his tummy and— _Fuck my life! Is he really talking to me right now?_

“I-I need to g-get some formalin for our e-experiment. Can— Can you help me?”

The taller nodded and opened the lab door for them. Baekhyun reluctantly stepped inside and saw Chanyeol went straight to the farthest end of the room— placing the snake somewhere he couldn’t see. After that, the boy walked toward the rows of shelves and began looking for what Baekhyun was asking for.

“Is the formalin for the frogs?”

Baekhyun’s head shot up at his neighbour, who had his back turned on him and was still busy rummaging the shelf with a sheer number of reagents.

“Y-yeah. It w-was my turn to g-get them today.”

And then the anxiety began to brew inside his being— starting with the fast beating of his heart followed by the laboured breathing. It was agonising and it was slowly crippling his body that he could feel his hands shaking tremendously. He tucked them inside his pocket and concentrated on taking in sufficient breaths.

“I see. Don’t forget to put on some face mask because Formalin has a strong odour. It can make you feel dizzy.”

Baekhyun nodded in reply but when he realised that Chanyeol was still searching for the reagent and could not see him, he stuttered with a _‘yeah’_ and a _‘thank you‘_ as an acknowledgment for his concern. But then the panic was intensifying now and the lump in his throat was uncomfortably restricting his breathing. The feeling of vulnerability was already manifesting— like he was miles away from his comfort zone with the anxiety overpowering his senses and he was so tempted to cave in, to let it consume him so that his misery would finally stop.

_“Baekhyunnie~”_

And there the stranger was, calling him out softly— but instead of sparing him any attention, Baekhyun focused more on his breathing because he was near fainting already and he didn’t want to end up passing out.

_“I’m here, Baek. Please calm down.”_

The man placed his hands on his shoulders, carefully massaging the muscle here and there. It made Baekhyun close his eyes, welcoming the comfort he found in that.

_“Focus on my voice, Baekhyunnie—“_

His voice was merely a whisper but Baekhyun could still identify the worry it had on it so he did what he was told as the man kept on soothing his shoulders.

_“You’re not alone now, Baek. We’re here. So don’t panic. We’re not going to leave you.”_

“Baekhyun!”

Slowly opening his eyes, he saw his neighbour looking at him with concern written all over his face.

“Why did you come here if you’re scared of being here?”

It was just the wrong question to ask at that moment so Baekhyun unhesitatingly glared at his neighbour and he was honestly surprised that he still had the energy to do so.

“I told you I was in charge of getting them today, right? So technically, I didn’t come here out of my own accord.”

Chanyeol’s worried face turned guilty. “I-I’m so—“

“Just _please_ hurry,” Baekhyun spoke in between breaths. “Please give them to me so I can leave the soonest. I don’t want to end up fainting here, Park.”

Finally realising what was causing his distress, Chanyeol took his arm and gently circled them up on his shoulder. He let him lean on him as they walk toward the door.

“Next time you need anything from the laboratory, tell me and I will get them for you, okay?”

Baekhyun ignored him and kept on walking with his eyes closed.

“Did you hear me, Baekhyun? I said if you ne—“

“I heard you the first time, Chanyeol.”

“I’m sorry. I was just trying to make a conversation. I just don’t want you to faint on me.”

Baekhyun took that as an invitation to talk further, giving him the needed push to finally ask the one thing he’d been meaning to ask.

“Chanyeol— did I do you any wrong?”

Baekhyun felt him stiffen at the question but later on heard him sigh in defeat.

“No, you didn’t.”

“Then why are you avoiding me?”

There was a minute of silence before the taller finally decided to break it.

“I guess I’m a bit— _intimidated_ by you because look at you, Baekhyun— You’re one of the cool kids. You’re— y-you’re good-looking, and so amazing and not as awkward and as aloof as I am. You’re confident in your own skin which I’m most definitely not and I was just doing you a favour because you might end up getting teased by our schoolmates if they see you talking to me. I’m nothing but a loser, Baekhyun, and I’m not worth the trouble.”

This time, it was Baekhyun who was silent. He was speechless not because he was surprised over the long list of positive adjectives Chanyeol had just given to describe him but because he simply couldn’t see himself fitting any of his impressions of him. He might’ve gained a handful of admirers from that one time he sang at a school assembly but that didn’t mean he was a member of the cool kids. Baekhyun never wanted to be one of them. He just wanted to share whatever talents he had in him.

But he kept his mouth shut, closed his eyes, and leaned more to the taller’s warmth. It was embarrassing to be that needy and clingy but he really needed that physical assurance for him to get through the still-lingering anxiety.

When they’re finally out of the room, Chanyeol gently settled him down at the nearest bench and Baekhyun slowly opened his eyes to look at him.

“Thanks for that, Chanyeol, and I’m sorry for being a bother.”

The taller shook his head and sent him a reassuring smile.

“You're not a bother, Baekhyun, so don’t apologise. I'm the one who’s supposed to say sorry.”

Baekhyun was about to oppose but Chanyeol shook his head and continued with his apologies.

“I already saw how hesitant you were in going inside the lab room and I should’ve taken that gesture as a warning already. I’m sorry that it took me a while to do something about your discomfort. I should’ve taken you out immediately.”

Luckily, Baekhyun had already regained some of his strength so this time when he smiled, it was warm and amicable.

“It’s alright. You didn’t know. It’s not like I’d willingly tell anyone of my weakness, right? I don’t want it to be used against me so I hope that you won’t tell a soul about my phobia— Can I trust you with that, Chanyeol?”

The taller nodded and made a gesture of him, zipping his lips to seal his promise.

“You can count on me with that one. Your secret’s safe with me.”

Then Baekhyun turned his eyes toward the ceiling and let out a smile of his own, not noticing how that simple gesture managed to make a blushing fit into the other’s face.

“You know, Chanyeol— I was once like you. I used to hate going to school when I was younger because I was the loser whom everyone didn’t want to make friends with.”

Baekhyun closed his eyes, trying not to get overwhelmed with the awful memories during his early middle school years.

“Back then, my classmates took delight in making fun of me. My teachers ignored the bruises I got from being beaten by some of my classmates. School used to be the place where I hated setting a foot in because it was there where I got bullied a lot.”

It may have been years ago already but the bitter pain had already embedded into his being. Chanyeol, on the other hand, kept his mouth shut to let him voice out his past struggles.

“But you know who got me over it?” There’s a ghost of a smile on his face as he said, “ _Jongdae."_

The smile was now in full bloom as he turned his head toward his neighbour and continued, “He may have annoyed me to hell but I could never thank him enough for always being there for me. He’s the only one who’s able to bear with my weirdness and if not for him, I’d be zombie-ing around the school without anyone to keep the sanity in me.”

Baekhyun smiled gently as he remembered how empowering his cousin’s presence had always been. He had never really thanked the guy for everything he’d done for him but he meant every word— Jongdae had always been his ally even if the whole world was against him.

“You only need that kind of someone, Chanyeol, to give you a little boost and i-if y-you like, I-I c-could be that someone f-for you.”

Baekhyun’s blush reached the end of his ears as he lowered his head to avoid his neighbour’s eyes. He was nervous, his hands were sweaty and jittery because Chanyeol only remained quiet the entire time he was talking. He wanted to take his offer back just to dispel the awkwardness that was now enveloping them. But just as he was about to open his mouth, Chanyeol already stood up and positioned himself in front of him.

“I think we started on the wrong foot,” he said as he extended a hand toward him. “Hello! My name’s Park Chanyeol and it’s really nice to meet you.”

Baekhyun quickly looked up, blinking rapidly as he let the other’s words sink in. Then finally, a smile slowly crawled its way onto his lips and took the hand in front of him.

“It’s a pleasure meeting you, Park Chanyeol. I’m Baekhyun— Byun Baekhyun.”

 

When Baekhyun happened to glance at the other side of the hallway, he saw the stranger giving him two thumbs up with an all-teeth smile. And that’s when he realised how a smile looked good on the stranger’s lips and that he always wanted to be the receiver of it.

 

>>•<<

  

_**December 8, 2006** _

_**Is it normal for my heart to skip a beat** _  
_**when the best friend does weird things?** _

 

 _Park Chanyeol was weird—_ that was what Baekhyun concluded when the day after the laboratory incident, he found him standing at their doorstep with a chocolate cake on his right hand and a stem of sunflower on his left. There was a smile on his lips which hurt Baekhyun’s eyes because it was so bright the sun would even need to put on some shades.

While Chanyeol kept on pushing his glasses up and waited for an invitation to come in, Baekhyun, on the other hand, continued to ogle at him. He stood there frozen, along with his brain, and if Chanyeol didn’t shift his weight from one foot to another, they’d probably had roots growing on their legs already. And when the knobs inside Baekhyun’s head _finally_ functioned, he quickly let him inside as the latter shyly offered the cake and the flower to him.

The rest was history after that because they found out that it wasn’t only their age that were similar but also their interests too. From solving jigsaw puzzles to beating each other’s asses on video games, Baekhyun and Chanyeol had learned that they mirror each other’s desires. They like the same things and would even do them together whenever they had the time. And as the days passed by, they’d gotten closer than ever and would never be seen without the other.

They spent a lot of time together that they started acknowledging each other as best friends already to which Jongdae got bitter at. And it was funny how these two would always compete for Baekhyun’s attention. It was as if he’s a well-deserved trophy to be won after.

But if Baekhyun was to state his opinion, his relationship with Chanyeol was a whole lot different from that of his cousin. Jongdae was more of an ass to him, someone who’d either use sarcasm or negative words in their daily conversation while Chanyeol was more straightforward to a point where it would always cause Baekhyun’s face to heat up.

 

They were having ice cream at Jongdae’s part-time job when Chanyeol started saying things that made his heart race a mile.

“You know, I used to hate strawberries, Baek— because they’re too sweet for my taste but ever since I met you, I learned to love them.” Chanyeol stole a spoonful of his ice cream and took them heartily, moaning from how succulent it tasted. “I used to think that only girls love them since it’s mom and noona’s favourite. But after you told me that it’s yours too, I found myself finishing the entire pint whenever mom bought some from the grocery. And then Yoora-noona would drive me bananas from all the whining and complaints she’d do.”

Chanyeol once again launched his spoon over his ice cream bowl.

“The things you do to me, Baek. You’re such a powerful influence in my life.”

Baekhyun heard someone gagging and saw Jongdae mimicking retching gestures behind the counter so he flipped him a finger and the bastard just laughed like a hyena. Chanyeol, on the other hand, just snickered at their silly bantering because he had gotten used to the cousins’ wordplays already. It was what they considered normal in their relationship and Chanyeol would only intervene if Baekhyun’s on the verge of combusting into flames from anger.

“You’re an idiot.” Baekhyun flicked his forehead to divert the attention away from the fire on his cheeks. “Strawberries have always been delicious. You’re just stupid enough not to like them.”

Chanyeol pouted and that always wreck Baekhyun’s composure. No matter how annoying the boy was, just a single pout would make his irritation vanish in an instant.

“I’m not stupid, Baek. I really didn’t know they tasted that good. But ever since you shared yours with me, I started liking strawberries. I don’t know— Maybe it just reminds me of you.”

“Are you saying that I look like a strawberry?”

“No, Baek. You’re actually prettier than a strawberry.”

Baekhyun’s heart started doing its fast beating again when the boy began laughing his heart out. If the damn organ was to ever join a race, he was sure that it would most definitely finish first.

“It’s just that your cheeks resemble its colour whenever you’re blushing.”

And a strawberry-coloured tint bloomed onto Baekhyun’s cheeks.

“See? You look like one now.” Chanyeol’s smile was brighter than any light bulbs inside the creamery. “It’s a compliment, Baek. I just think you’re the most beautiful when you’re blushing like that.”

 

Aside from the flattery, Chanyeol seemed to have developed a liking to holding his hands, giving them praises as he caressed them in what Baekhyun would like to believe, in an _affectionate_ manner. He’d always found his hands laced with Chanyeol’s as the latter held onto it and swung it all too eagerly back and forth. The action had gotten a lot of attention but whenever Baekhyun tried to unfasten his hand off of Chanyeol’s, the latter would only tighten his grip and pull them away from the intruding eyes.

“ _Chanyeol!_ Will you just— let go of my hand? People are _staring._ ”

Baekhyun tried to pry his hand away from his best friend but his efforts were all in vain. Chanyeol was obviously stronger than him and it was just so unfair that he’d been continuously growing in length while shaving off his excess in diameter. Puberty was definitely doing him good, shaping him at the right spot. And it made Baekhyun’s feelings strengthen day by day.

“But we’re just holding hands, Baek. I don’t see anything wrong with that.”

Chanyeol was just so naive that Baekhyun wanted to pull his hair in frustration. He had no idea how harsh the world could be especially if a person didn’t conform with what the society depicted as normal. And as much as he wanted to protect his best friend’s innocence, he wasn’t ready to fight those demons off because he was afraid that it would backfire at him. He’s not exactly out of the closet yet and was nowhere near ready to admit his sexuality anytime soon.

“In the eyes of the public, it _is_ considered wrong when two _guys_ are holding hands, Chanyeol.”

Baekhyun once again tried to pull his hand off of the other’s but to no luck.

“ _But Baek_ — your hands are so pretty! I need to protect them!”

Chanyeol pursed his lips and Baekhyun thought it was ridiculously endearing. It was also stupid how his ears warmed at the compliment.

“I can very well protect my hands, Park Chanyeol, so don’t be stupid.”

The taller’s pout exaggerated as he pulled their twined hands onto his lap and looked at them in awe.

“But I wanna be the one to do that, Baekhyun-ah— And your hands are just so beautiful, I can’t help but hold it.”

And damn his stomach for twisting in knots. The stupid commentary unleashed the beast in every fluttering butterflies in his tummy.

“I guess I can’t talk you out of letting my hand go now, can I?” He sighed dramatically as a false front but in reality, he’s internally melting into a puddle of goo. “Alright, _fine._ Hold it then. My hand is yours now to protect.”

Chanyeol’s reaction was immediate and it nearly wobbled Baekhyun’s knees because there’s that prepossessing smile surfacing on his lips— a smile that was _definitely_ Park Chanyeol’s best accessory.

“Then let me do my job now, Baekhyun-ah. Quit pulling them off of mine’s, alright?”

 

In addition to that, Chanyeol had gotten more _possessive_ — always jealous at anything he’d give attention to. It was stupid, really, but what was he to expect with Chanyeol? It’s not like it was new. He’d always been a bit— out of this world, with crazy ideas that Baekhyun had later on learned to tolerate.

As much as Baekhyun felt like floating in the air every time he’d go all possessive on him, he also felt bad and confused. _Bad,_ because of the guilt he couldn’t help but feel whenever his heart would race every time it happened, and _confused,_ because a best friend shouldn’t make their best friend’s heart gallop like that, right? He wasn’t supposed to feel that way but how could he stop when everything about Chanyeol was just so endearing? And the more Baekhyun got close to him, the more he’s enamoured.

 

There was this one time when they were just chilling at Baekhyun’s house when the green eyed monster unexpectedly took over his best friend in the most immature way.

" _What the hell are you doing, Chanyeol?_ Stop wrestling Ddori with Ai. Her sharp nails will hurt him!"

Baekhyun’s grandmother gave him a cat for his birthday that year, a Siberian cat who’s lazy enough to sleep all day. He named her _Ai_ — which she didn’t seem to like so far because every time he would call her, the furball would always ignore him— a far cry from Yeo, who had always loved the company of his human. Ai’s a beautiful breed if Baekhyun was to state his opinion— With soft gray coat and mismatched eyes, she was surely exquisite and she probably knew how pretty she was because she’s a primadonna who’d snob anyone who’d attempt pet her. She didn’t really like anyone most especially, Chanyeol’s Ddori.

He really couldn’t understand why the other was so keen on getting his pet hurt when he loved him so much. In fact, he babied the ferret— talked to him as if he was his kid and gave him anything he’d whine about. It was so weird seeing Chanyeol paying no heed to how his pet had been whimpering, as if he had shut his ears on him as he continued to bump his head onto the feline's relaxing body.

" _Stop it, Yeol!_ You're provoking Ai to hurt him! You're ruining their friendship!"

“ _Friendship?”_ Chanyeol scoffed. “Your fat cat was trying to claw my Ddori, Baek. Is that what friendship is to you? Is that how you treat your friends?”

Baekhyun was about to rebut when Chanyeol spoke first, wearing an exaggerated pout on his lips.

"I hate how much attention you give to them! Don’t get me wrong though— I love Ddori with all my heart. What I don’t like is you, giving him all of your attention. Every time I took him here, you’ll forget about me and I feel out of place, Baek.”

It was true that Baekhyun had a soft spot for Ddori because of his sensitivity to people’s moods. The ferret always knew whenever he’s in one of those under-the-weather days. He was good at keeping Baekhyun preoccupied by asking for some belly rubs which always gave him good naps. He’d even play go-catch with him even though it was an activity he hated the most. So from then on, Baekhyun began to shower Ddori with his attention and that obviously made his owner extremely jealous.

“And now you have this— this lazy cat who’s past time is to glare at anything moving.” Chanyeol scowled at the purring cat. “She doesn’t even like making friends and that hinders our time together, Baek!”

Baekhyun was honestly pissed at what he’s hearing but he’d already known Chanyeol well enough not to know of his childish ways. The taller had always been passionate in hoarding his attention which he used to find endearing but not at this moment.

“Chanyeo—“

 _“I don’t like it, Baek.”_ He whined. “I really hate it when you had to ditch my invitations of going out just to make Ai feel comfortable in her new home. And now, after a week of not being with you— You’re giving your full attention on Ddori. But what about me, Baek? I need some attention too…”

The complaint was absolutely stupid and Baekhyun was now contemplating between punching his best friend’s face or pinching his humongous ears for being so ridiculous.

"Is this you, being jealous of _our_ babies, Yeol?"

And that must’ve been one of the most stupid come back his brain had ever made up because Chanyeol’s reaction was instantaneous. There was a mischievous glint in his eyes as his lips slowly worked on a smile. And Baekhyun wanted to cut his tongue for being so careless.

" _Our_ babies?” The taller raised a brow, definitely amused and highly delighted with what he just heard.

“Shut up.”

Baekhyun felt warm all over and he didn’t have to look at his best friend to know that the other was also blushing. Chanyeol’s happiness was radiating even without him talking.

“I like that, Baek— _our_ babies.” Chanyeol took his hands and gave him a dopey smile. “But you’re most definitely the mom in this family because you’re pretty enough to be a woman.”

Baekhyun once again blushed but he immediately regained his composure and put on a scowl just to hide the giddiness he’d felt. There was something about the way Chanyeol said it that made his heart beat faster than normal. He actually hated being called pretty because the word reminded him of his childhood bullies, who used to call him pretty but in a scornful manner. But hearing it from Chanyeol instantly eradicated his loathing for it. Baekhyun then realised that he would never allow anyone to call him pretty except for Park Chanyeol.

“You’re an idiot,” Baekhyun felt his cheeks warm up with the way he was being stared at by the other. “Stop saying stupid things like that, Park. Pretty is for women and I’m a man so—“

Baekhyun didn’t have the time to react when those pair of long limbs instantly wrapped around him, warming not only his body but his heart as well. He was supposed to feel repulsed by the gesture but he found himself snuggling more into it because Chanyeol’s scent was intoxicating. He smelled like citrus and sunshine and Baekhyun wanted to rub himself more to him so that he could smell more like him.

“I know you’re a man, Baek, but what can I do if that’s the most accurate description of you?” Chanyeol smiled teasingly. “Take it as a compliment, okay? Because no matter who I’ll meet in the future, you’ll _always_ be the prettiest to me.”

 

When Baekhyun went up to his room that day, he found the stranger lying on his bed and was tossing his stress ball back and forth. He didn’t seem to acknowledge him but rather kept himself preoccupied with the ball in his hands.

“So did you have fun today, Baekhyunnie?”

Shrugging, Baekhyun just walked toward his study table and placed the stupid book— _The Time Traveller’s wife_ — on top of it. The man finally took his eyes off of the ball and stared at the book with interest.

“You should read that. It’s a good one.”

“Then how about you read it and tell me what it’s all about? You seem to have a lot of time in your hands since you’re always here to bother me.”

 _“Can’t,”_ the man cracked a smile. “He asked _Baek_ to read it and I’m _not_ Baek.”

Baekhyun only rolled his eyes and sat on the chair and flipped through the book’s pages. Then it hit him— _he hadn’t gotten the man’s name yet._ So Baekhyun cleared his throat, trying not to get to excited at the idea of finally getting the stranger’s name, and schooled his face into what he deemed a nonchalant one.

“So what’s your name then? If you’re not Baek?”

The man’s grin was huge, as huge as his twinkling eyes when Baekhyun dared to glance at him.

“Took you a long time to ask though.” He tilted his head to the side as if he’s contemplating on something and then he stood up and gave him a courteous bow. “You can call me _Loey,_ Baekhyunnie.”

The name was definitely uncommon but why did he feel like it was somehow familiar? He hadn’t heard of that name before and had never met anyone with that name but there was something on it that Baekhyun couldn’t pinpoint. He promised himself he’d research for that name later.

“So was I correct though?” Loey’s deep voice drew him out of his trance as he moved closer to him and gave him a look of anticipation. “Was he worth the excitement?”

Baekhyun tried not to get affected by the nearness of him and turned his eyes back toward Chanyeol’s book just to avoid the man’s eyes. Peripherally, he could see him grinning— that all-teeth smile which nowadays seemed to make his heart beat erratically. That smile was Baekhyun’s favourite because it was like a reflection of his soul, unravelling the man’s hidden feelings. And right now, Baekhyun could tell that he’s really excited to hear his answer.

“No, he’s not,” Loey’s smile immediately turned into a frown. “He’s annoying and very persuasive.”

“So he’s not fun to be with? Not interesting enough?”

Baekhyun just had to laugh at that because the man was really pushing it. He was now having fun teasing him around. Swiveling his chair back to his table, he once again opened the book that Chanyeol was forcing him to read.

“He’s not.” Baekhyun said while scanning through the pages. “But if you’re talking about him— making me feel things I’ve never felt before, then yeah— Park Chanyeol’s _definitely_ worth the excitement.”

 

  

>>•<<

 

_**February 21, 2008** _

_**I guess I really am infected—** _  
_**with a giant bug called Park Chanyeol.** _

 

Baekhyun was 16 when he finally had enough and gave in to that pull of extreme magnetism over someone— That exhilarating feeling which only happened every time he’s within that person’s reach. It wasn’t rocket science, really, that his feelings had grown deeper because this person was just so good at making his heart flutter. So despite of how wrong it was to further his feelings for a _boy,_ Baekhyun didn’t have it in him to stop it.

“ _Goddamnit, Byun!_ Hurry the fuck up!”

Jongdae had been banging on his door for 15 minutes now but Baekhyun just ignored his helpless cries.

“I’m giving you a minute to open your door or so help me God, I will break it.”

Baekhyun snorted at his cousin’s threat but he continued to draw his eye out, smudging the dark kohl under his eyes to intensify his look.

“Patience, my friend. It took 6 days for God to create the whole universe and he had to re—“

“ _For fuck’s sake, Baekhyun!_ You’re not the universe!” Jongdae finally cried out for his patience already reached its lows. “Look— I know you’re gay, okay? But you didn’t have to prove how queer you are by putting your goddamn makeup longer than a girl. How the fuck aren’t you still ready when you’ve been preparing for 2 hours already?”

His cousin may be yelling but his hands were still busy breaking the door.

“You know what? _I’m so done with you._ Fuck you and your crush with Park Chanyeol!”

So Park Chanyeol had recently became one of the popular kids in school. He had joined the soccer team that year and he was now one of the most valuable players. Chanyeol’s a superb player that every time he set foot in the field, people could see his heart on display. He’s a great play strategist— special thanks to those video games that trained him to easily map out the enemy’s weaknesses. He had executed those game plans effectively and had been a great team player, offering his help to any of his teammates in need.

“What the fuck is taking you so long when you can put your makeup on even with your eyes closed?“ Jongdae was still continuously banging his door. “You’ve been obsessing what to wear for 2 weeks already— Not to mention the insurmountable makeup tutorials you’ve watched whenever you’re not stressing yourself with clothes!”

Baekhyun sprayed some finishing mist on his face to set his make up as he snickered at his cousin’s complaint.

“Calm your balls, Dae. We still have an hour left before the game starts so we’ll be just on time! You’ll still get to see Minseokkie-hyung do his introduction stunts so shut your mouth and leave me and my makeup in peace.”

That was actually the reason why Jongdae had been going all out jerk on him. _Kim Minseok,_ the captain of the soccer team, was the one he had a huge crush on. Said captain wasn’t just good in that sport but also had a youthful face that would make anyone doubt his age. He’s one of the nicest upper batch guys who had helped the three of them with their school works and was one of the reasons why going to school had always been exciting.

Jongdae had been supporting Minseok ever since he saw him playing for the team during their sophomore years— dragging both Baekhyun and Chanyeol to wherever game the older would play at. Minseok was really good in soccer that he’d earned quite a number of fans from both boys and girls alike. And Baekhyun found it funny how Jongdae kept on scowling at the captain’s fans every time they watched his game. His feelings were indeed showing through his eyes.

Finally unlocking his door, Baekhyun was met with Jongdae’s fiercest glare and he could tell that he was trying to contain the remaining coolness in him. His cousin was really about to lose his shit that he had to put his hand on the his shoulder to somehow appease him. But then he remembered the last words Jongdae said so he narrowed his eyes and tightened the grip he had on his shoulders as if he’s intent on breaking them.

“And fuck you as well for screaming my crush out in the open, you douchebag.” Baekhyun said with a glare. “You are _so_ blessed right now that my parents are here or I’m gonna bury you alive in one of those walls. The walls in this house are thin so can you please lower down your voice? You’re disturbing our neighbours!”

Jongdae dared to smirk at his rage.

“You’re not really subtle about your _little_ crush, Byun. Everyone knows about it. I don’t even think you need to profess your love for Chanyeol— just so you know.”

Sometimes, Baekhyun wondered if Chanyeol’s really that oblivious to his feelings because he had always been so _obvious_ about his crush on him. Just like Jongdae said, he wasn’t really low-key about it and it frustrated Baekhyun so much that the object of his affection couldn’t see how much of his heart had been exposed to a point where it’s almost embarrassing already. He’s already running out of ideas on how else he could show his best friend of his feelings.

“Who said I was _trying_ to be subtle? I wanted everyone to know of my interest in him so that no one would attempt to steal him away from me.”

Jongdae raised a brow but the man didn’t get to see it because he busied himself with fixing his damn _magenta_ hair. Baekhyun had dyed his hair red right after they watched the first soccer game in support of the team but it then on faded into a vibrant magenta that it attracted the whole of the school’s population. Fellow students kept complimenting his hair and the praises boosted his self-confidence.

In addition to that, Baekhyun also started wearing better clothes that seemed to flatter his slim figure. His body had always been effeminate— with curves that could rival a woman’s. He had always been mistaken as a girl not until they looked at his chest, which basically confirmed how much of a man he was.

“ _Damn._ You sure did prepare for this, Byun!” Jongdae gave him a once over. “I don’t think there’s a need for me to wish you good luck anymore. Chanyeol will surely say yes after you confess to him.”

Baekhyun’s face broke into a grin because Jongdae had _just complimented him_ and that was a rare occurrence. Jongdae would never say good things about someone not unless he was definitely pleased with whatever he was seeing. His words had elated Baekhyun and it sure did fire up his courage.

“Alright. Let’s go.” Baekhyun smiled widely at his cousin who didn’t hesitate to return the gesture. “I’m ready to bring Chanyeol’s heart home.”

 

“ _And he scored!_ Jersey number 61’s been on fire tonight, everyone! Do you think he’s trying to impress someone?”

Baekhyun laughed at the commentator’s blabbering but at the back of his mind, the remark sure did make his heart giddy. He’d like to assume that it was _him_ who’s jersey no. 61’s trying to impress.

“So who do you think he’s trying to impress, Baekhyunnie?”

He immediately turned his head to the right and saw Loey watching the game with an excited look on his face. Then he looked to the left to find that his cousin was not there anymore. It was actually the perfect time to introduce the two to each other but Baekhyun was too busy cheering for Chanyeol that he didn’t know Jongdae had already gone to some place he had no idea where.

“I don’t know,” Baekhyun yelled just to get heard because Chanyeol once again scored _thus,_ the screaming crowd. “... that’s like his _usual_ game. That's normal.”

Loey’s grin turned bigger. “Do you really think so? I think he’s trying to impress _someone._ ”

He had a mischievous smile on his lips but Baekhyun’s eyes zeroed in to that dimple gracing his left cheek— which he now noticed was the _same_ as Chanyeol’s.

And then the crowd turned rowdy, with his schoolmates jumping and screaming as loud as they could because the game was finally over— they’d officially won and it was Chanyeol’s goal that ended the match that night. Baekhyun cursed internally and blamed the man’s eye-catching dimple because the sight of it engrossed his concentration that he wasn’t able to see the winning kick.

“Like I said—“ Loey smiled at him teasingly. “I really think he’s trying to impress someone.”

 

Later that night, Baekhyun tried to stick to his best friend’s side as much as he could but the latter was continuously being whisked away by different people, expressing him their heartfelt as well as flirty congratulations. It annoyed Baekhyun to hell but the smile on Chanyeol’s lips made him kept his composure. He could tell how happy he really was and as his best friend, it wouldn’t be nice of him to ruin his night. His plan could wait as long as Chanyeol’s still sober enough to hear his confession.

But then the minutes turned into hours and Chanyeol hadn’t returned to him yet. It was making Baekhyun uncomfortable because he didn’t know anyone at the party. What's worse was that Jongdae had left him to his own and had been missing for 2 hours already. He could only assume that the bastard was with the captain. He was okay with it though because he knew that they’ve been deprived of each other for weeks now since Minseok had been busy with soccer practice. Baekhyun wouldn’t dare to look for them tonight for fear of his innocence being corrupted. He’d seen a lot of _action_ tonight already and that was enough.

He was starting to get antsy because the crowd was getting wilder. Some of their classmates were already drunk and was either busy grinding with someone or sucking face with some seniors. And it made Baekhyun worry because Chanyeol might also be as sozzled as them by now. He knew how shitty his best friend’s alcohol tolerance was and that he also didn’t know how to say no. Baekhyun didn’t want him to end up getting hammered because he didn’t doll himself up tonight for nothing. _It was tonight or never._ He was determined to confess tonight and no one would stop him.

Park Chanyeol’s someone impossible to miss due to his stupid height. He would usually stick out like a sore thumb in a pool of people but Baekhyun couldn’t see one heck of a beanpole anywhere. So he decided to go upstairs because the second floor seemed to be a great place to start looking for him. But all of his plans were thrown out of the window the moment he saw his best friend, leaning onto a door frame, with his hands on either side of a senior girl’s head and was kissing her with his eyes closed. The girl’s arms settled comfortably around his shoulders as if it had always been its rightful place from the start. The scene unfolding before him made his knees teeter and the courage he was able to muster up that night slowly dissolved into thin air.

 _And so he ran_ — as fast as he could as the tears blurred his eyesight. His mind was in chaos and his heart was a mess. He didn’t know which he’d tend to first because he’s still at a lost as to what just happened. All he could feel was that his heart was breaking and it was so unfair how it could still reason out with him when it was falling to pieces.

_Stop assuming. Stop jumping into conclusions. Chanyeol won’t do anything that will hurt you._

**But he just did.**

 

Baekhyun didn’t know how he made it home but he was glad that he’s now at the confines of his room. And even though the silence was intensifying the sadness that was crushing his being, he’d rather feel them just so it’d make things _real-_ er. He believed that it’d be easier to move on if he’d embrace the pure torture of seeing the person he love kissing someone else.

 _“I’m sorry,”_ there’s a gentle hand running down his hair as he felt the space beside him dip. “I wish I could say don’t cry but I— I understand the gravity of what was done. You have all the right to be hurt, Baekhyunnie, and I’m sorry that I— I mean, that you have to feel this way now.”

If Baekhyun noticed how Loey was stuttering with his words, he didn’t comment on it but rather continued to muffle his cries against his pillow. It was already 2 in the morning and everyone was sleeping already. He didn’t want to wake the house up for them to witness his heartbreak.

The hand on his hair slid down to his back, providing gentle strokes which somehow comforted his aching heart. And it did serve its purpose because the gesture was able to make him stop crying.

Sniffling, Baekhyun slowly turned his head toward the man and saw the look of pity in his eyes. He never really liked being pitied upon but he was too tired to give two shits about anything right now.

“Why are you saying sorry? It’s not like _you_ were the one who was kissing Dara-noona.”

He felt the man tense up at his statement and immediately tore his eyes away from him. That was the first time Loey had done that and the look of guilt on his face was also new. Baekhyun was curious. He wondered why he’s having that look when it wasn’t him who’d done him any wrong.

Pushing himself up to a sitting position, Baekhyun placed his hand onto the man’s shoulder, giving him back the attention that had been momentarily diverted from him.

“I don’t want your apologies,” Baekhyun moved his hand up to carefully caress the man’s cheeks. “It wasn’t you who did me wrong so don’t you dare apologise for him.”

Loey leaned into the touch and placed his hand over his. He then ran his eyes all over Baekhyun’s face as if he’s memorising his features.

“You really look beautiful tonight, Baekhyunnie. You absolutely stole the spotlight.”

Baekhyun offered him a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

“But not beautiful enough to kiss me like how he did with Dara-noona.”

Loey finally pulled him into his arms and Baekhyun cried onto his chest. His arms circled his body as he rocked them back and forth.

“I was planning to confess to him tonight,” he said in between tears. “... because I like him so much I feel like my chest is going to explode every time I see him. I’ve never felt so strongly about someone until now and I just really like being with him and I thought we were on the same page because if his gestures weren’t considered _something,_ then I don’t know how else to call it.” Baekhyun paused to take a breather. “I’m an impatient guy and he’s taking so long to make a move so I thought that maybe I should man up and make things official— but I guess I’ve misread the signs because obviously— he’s _not_ into boys.”

Baekhyun’s really grateful that at least there’s someone there with him right now to hear his heart out. Loey didn’t speak but instead held him tighter and let him vent out his pain. And after a few moments of silence, the man slowly leaned back and wiped the remaining tears on his cheeks.

“Maybe you should talk to him, Baekhyunnie? At least hear him out first before you jump into conclusions?”

Baekhyun replied with a pout and the man’s lips curled into a soft smile.

“Who knows? Maybe he might’ve wanted the same things you’ve wanted.”

This time, the pout became a frown as he hid his face onto the man’s chest.

“I don’t know. It’ll take a while before I can work up all the courage in me to confess again, you know— and that’s _not_ easy.”

_“And so is loving someone, Baekhyunnie.”_

Loey’s smiling fully now and Baekhyun was once again distracted by that damn dimple on his cheek because it was _really_ just like Chanyeol’s. _Damn him and that stupid dimple of his._

“Love is not for the faint hearted,” he said as he gently cradled Baekhyun’s cheek. “... and you’re not one, Baekhyunnie. I’m positive that you’ll survive this. I know you will.”

Before he could even respond, the moment was interrupted by a familiar ringtone Baekhyun’s been dreading to hear. _But as if he had the heart to decline it_ — so he begrudgingly pressed the green button to receive the call.

_Baekhyun-ah~ where are you?_

Baekhyun closed his eyes and sighed audibly.

_Home._

He could still hear the loud music at the background.

_Why did you go home without me? I thought we’re going home together?_

~~_Yeah, but seeing you kissing someone really hurt,_~~ Baekhyun wanted to say but he instead replied with, _I wasn’t feeling well so I went home._

A long and deep breath on the other line was what followed next.

_Do you need anything then? I can drop by the pharmacy and get you some pills or anything you might need?_

Baekhyun felt the tears prickle the corners of his eyes because Chanyeol sounded hopeful and his heart couldn’t help but to soften at that.

_I’m okay, Yeol. I just want to sleep._

_Alright then but— Baek?_ The hesitancy in his best friend’s voice was palpable. _I— I wanna see you. Can I come over?_

And Baekhyun wanted to cry with how much that simple question delighted his heart. He realised how scary of a human being Park Chanyeol was for having so much power over him and that was just so unfair. With a heavy heart, he then on answered with, _Okay. I’ll wait for you then._

 

Chanyeol stayed over that night but he just slept and never said a word about what happened and Baekhyun didn’t dare to open it up because he wasn’t ready yet to hear anything that would ruin that wonderful morning he’d woken up to because—

When he opened his eyes, he found himself tucked inside his best friend’s chest, his arm loosely wrapped around his waist. He was cold but the feeling of Chanyeol’s body against him made him warm all over so he indulged himself and snuggled closer. It wasn’t the first time Chanyeol had slept over but it was certainly the first time Baekhyun prayed that they were something more. His heart skipped a beat because of the close proximity.

To Baekhyun, waking up with Chanyeol was a dream come true and he was actually content with the dynamics and comfortability they have. He’d do anything to make them a mainstay in their relationship.

And as the realisation dawned in, Baekhyun’s heart ache at the fact that he’d rather have Chanyeol as his best friend than ruin what they have. He’d never forgive himself if he lost Chanyeol just because he was too greedy to ask for more. The taller’s already the best part of his life. He enjoyed being with him and he’d never want to disrupt the closeness that they have.

Baekhyun had never wanted to play safe in his life not until now. He knew how hard things would be from now on since Park Chanyeol was so easy to fall in love with. It would be a struggle to contain his feelings but he’s not ready to let go of what they have so he’d rather keep his stupid feelings to himself than risk their friendship. It might be a coward move but he firmly believed it was for the best. He decided to secretly love his best friend from afar.

Baekhyun was brought out of his mulling when he felt the other move closer and nuzzled his temple. _Fuck Chanyeol and his disregard for personal space._

“Good morning, Baekhyun-ah~” He said in that deep voice of his as he began to rub the sleepiness out of his eyes, his arm still looped around Baekhyun’s.

Making the most out of the situation, Baekhyun nosed his best friend’s neck and smiled at the way he shuddered from it.

“Morning sleepy head,” he said with a big yawn to which Chanyeol immediately laughed at. “Are you hungry?”

It was Chanyeol’s turn to yawn. “Yeah, I actually am.”

But instead of making a move to act on his hunger, the taller only tightened his hold on him and pulled him more to his body. “Before we eat, I need to tell you something, Baek— And I’m so sorry for this but I just really want to get this off of my chest—“

Baekhyun already had an idea on what he’s about to say but he did his best to calm himself from the panic that was beginning to arise. This wasn’t what he wanted to talk about first thing in the morning but Chanyeol looked as if he was in dire need to let this one out. So he slowly leaned back and raised his head toward the other, giving him his absolute attention.

“Uhm— last night, I— something happened.” Chanyeol was fidgeting so Baekhyun gently squeezed the arm that was around him as an encouragement for him to continue. “Dara-noona and I— _kissed._ ”

The last statement was what finally ended Baekhyun’s blissful morning but he knew that he had no right to get upset. He already came to a decision that same morning to stay as Chanyeol’s best friend and that was without reservations. So to hell with his heart getting broken over and over from now on.

“I actually didn’t know how it happened and why on Earth I let that happen.” The look on Chanyeol’s face was nothing but of guilt. “I remember the sunbaes— passing me shots after shots last night and I couldn’t really say no to them so I got a bit tipsy— but I wasn’t drunk, Baek! I promise I wasn’t.”

Baekhyun once again squeezed his arm to stop him from panicking. Chanyeol released a sigh and continued with his explanation.

“When I finally escaped the sunbaes, I went back to search for you but I couldn’t find you so I asked around and then I got held back by some of the seniors Dara-noona was in and she asked for my help to look for her friend. She said she wanted to go home but she couldn’t leave her friend behind because they promised to go home together. So we excused ourselves and went to search for her friend but when we got upstairs, she— she suddenly pulled me against her and we almost crashed the door, Baek, and then she— she uhm— she kissed me.”

Baekhyun didn’t know if he was to laugh or to cry over Chanyeol’s rambling. But at least now he knew that his best friend wasn’t the one who initiated the kiss and he was honestly relieved at that. It was funny how the taller looked like he’s almost on the verge of breaking down so Baekhyun gave him an encouraging smile which instantly eased his best friend’s anxiety. Chanyeol finally relaxed and carried on with his story.

“I— I didn’t really know what to do. I— I mean, that— that was my first— kiss, Baek, and it was awkward and— messy and I didn’t feel anything."

The last part definitely intrigued Baekhyun.

“What were you actually expecting to feel then, Yeol?”

Chanyeol averted his eyes and exhaled a long breath.

“ _The spark,_ Baek— that tingling sensation that would make your body feel like it’s on fire.”

Baekhyun laughed and stared at him in amusement.

“I didn’t know you’re into those love shit magazine articles, Park! Are you sure your description’s really for kissing and not for _something_ else?”

Chanyeol pinched his side and laughed over his hair.

“Stop teasing, Baek. You have no right to judge me for that since you’re one of those avid fans of romantic novels which have those— _something_ else.”

“Shut up,” he groaned as he slid his face back to where it originally was— at Chanyeol’s chest. “I guess you’ll only feel that spark when you’re kissing someone you really like so maybe because you didn’t like her enough?”

Baekhyun thought Chanyeol had fallen asleep on him because there was no reply from him. But after a few minutes, the taller leaned back and the look he was giving him made him want to melt into a pool of goo.

 _“Baekhyun—“_ The way Chanyeol spoke of his name was overwhelming. It almost made his toes curl in anticipation. “If I— If I ki—“

_“Byun Baekhyun!”_

And the moment was officially ruined— all because of his brother, Baekbom, who kept on calling out to him while attempting to break his door.

Baekhyun heard Chanyeol blew out a long breath as he slowly removed his arm around him, his eyes looking at anywhere but him. There were pink hues on his cheeks all the way to his ears and Baekhyun thought that his day was already complete just by seeing how flustered Chanyeol was. What he didn’t know was that he was also in the same blushing fit as the other.

“Baekhyun! Is Chanyeol there with you? Mrs. Park’s on the phone and she’s asking if you know where he is! She’s been calling him and his phone seemed to be dead.”

That was their cue to separate even though it was against Baekhyun’s wishes. Chanyeol immediately got up, fixed his bed hair, and pulled out his phone from his pocket. His phone had indeed ran out of battery.

“I’m sorry but I’ll see you later, Baek.”

Chanyeol looked so worried and Baekhyun didn’t know why. Then he scampered through the door and bowed at his brother before running down the stairs.

Baekhyun had a bad feeling about that because he had never seen Chanyeol looked so distress. But he chose to ignore his feeling and decided to wait for his best friend to tell him what happened. He knew Chanyeol would never keep anything from him.

A week had passed and Baekhyun still hadn’t spoken to Chanyeol. When he dropped by their house, he was told that he was in Busan, visiting his grandparents and would be back over the next weekend. It was the longest they’d spent away from each other and Baekhyun was out of sorts because he was missing him too much.

The next Saturday morning, Baekhyun was awoken by a loud knock on his door.

“Baekhyun-ah! I’m back!” Chanyeol greeted in excitement as he opened the door and walked toward his bed. “I’m sorry to wake you up but I am really excited to see you.”

Baekhyun shook his head and worked on a smile.

“Welcome back, Yeol! How was your trip?”

Chanyeol smiled widely and ruffled his messy hair.

“It was— okay,” the smile looked uneasy now and Baekhyun unconsciously frowned at the sight. “But the train ride was an amazing experience, Baek! Next time let’s go together?”

Baekhyun nodded and rubbed his eyes to get rid of the sleepiness in his being. “How’s your grandparents?”

Chanyeol didn’t answer and when Baekhyun finally looked at him, he saw the other’s smile had fallen off of his lips. He sighed and held his hands as he said, “Grandpa had a hip replacement surgery two weeks ago.” His fingers began to tremble and Baekhyun gently squeezed them in reassurance. “... and my Grandma’s not strong enough to cater to his needs so my parents asked me to stay with them until he’s at least okay to sit on his own. But— he’s nowhere near getting better, Baek. His doctor said that it’s mainly due to his age already.”

If there’s one thing Baekhyun loved about the Parks, it was their closeness and Chanyeol, now rambling about his grandparents’ condition, proved that he’s definitely just as worried as his parents were for the elders.

“The fact that they’re living on their own didn’t sit well with my parents but with the company expanding, they couldn’t do much for them. Yoora-noona’s studying in London so that leaves me, being the only one available to help them out.”

“So what’s the problem, Yeol? You should go and be there for them. You cannot let your grandparents be on their own. You said it yourself— You’re the only one who can help them.”

But as soon as those words came out, the gravity of the situation made Baekhyun’s heart break at the implication of it. He hadn’t even had the chance to recover from last night’s heartache and now there’s a new one he had to deal with.

“I know I have to go, Baek, it’s just that—“ Chanyeol breathed deeply as he stared deeply into his eyes. “I— I’m going to— miss you.”

And it _hurt_ — how Chanyeol could speak of these words so naturally when Baekhyun knew that he had no right to feel so much about it, to put colours into those words. They weren’t anything but best friends but the way Chanyeol said it was like he really _did_ mean it and it was so fucking unfair that his heart was easily pleased, like a dog with two tails.

“Well, there’s that amazing thing called cellphone, Yeol. You can put them into good use now instead of just putting them inside your pocket.” Baekhyun laughed to lighten up the mood. “So you see— you won’t really miss me that much ‘cause I’ll only be a phone call away so stop being melodramatic about this. Besides, Busan’s just a 2 ½ train trip. We can alternate going back and forth to see each other.”

Baekhyun wished it was really as simple as that but he knew how far their situation was from being one. The upcoming year’s going to be tough on them since they’d both be graduating already. There’s school stuff and reviews for university entrance exams they’d have to get through but he had to lie just to make things sound simple. It’s one of his duties as Chanyeol’s best friend— to make him feel that there wouldn’t be anything their _friendship_ wouldn’t be able to handle.

“But it’s still far, Baekhyun-ah~” Chanyeol finally lied down and snuggled closer to him. “I’m so used to seeing you everyday. I can’t even begin to think how I’d be able to handle being away from you for that long...”

Baekhyun chose to laugh just to hide the fact that his insides were melting. _Trust Chanyeol and his innocent ways of flirting with Baekhyun’s feelings._ It was messing with his sanity again.

Ruffling the other’s unruly hair, Baekhyun gave him a soft smile as he said, “You’ll be fine, Chanyeol-ah. We’ll get through this— when have we not?”

Chanyeol pouted but after a few minutes of sulking, he then on released a smile that Baekhyun had always loved seeing on him.

“I guess you’re right.”

The dimple on his cheek showed up and Baekhyun almost froze at the realisation of how it _really_ looked like the one on Loey’s cheek. Come to think of it, he still hadn’t researched on Loey because there’s been a lot on his plate lately. With school and it’s notorious assignments and projects, most of his time were invested on it and maybe a little on his best friend too— _which was a lie of course_ because Chanyeol really was the reason why he’d been busy.

 _Maybe with this break, Baekhyun would be able to do that?_ To know more about Loey? He decided he’d start asking more about the man that next time they see each other.

It had been silent for a few minutes now— with Chanyeol, pondering on how things would turn out for them when he left for Busan while Baekhyun, contemplating on something he’s not sure how to ask.

“Yeol—” he said as he tucked his face on his best friend’s chest. “Uhm— what about— what about Dara-noona?”

Chanyeol’s brows knitted in confusion.

“What’s with Dara-noona, Baek?”

“Well, y-you guys kissed, right? So— what I mean is— what are you gonna do about it?”

Baekhyun hated himself for stuttering but he couldn’t help the nervousness that was seeping through his being. He’s really scared of knowing what would happen now that his best friend had been kissed by some pretty senior— _If Chanyeol wanted to pursue Dara or he had no plans of doing anything at all._ Baekhyun had to be prepared for it. His heart had to be properly geared up for what was about to come.

And then he heard a chuckle, as the arm circling around his waist gently drew him closer.

“There’s nothing I’d have to do about that, Baekhyun-ah, because I told noona that I—” He paused, breathing deeply. “... that I already like _someone_ else.”

It was Baekhyun’s turn to go rigid, keeping his face closer to Chanyeol’s chest as his mind began to get filled up with a thousand and one thoughts. He didn’t actually know that Chanyeol already had someone he liked and it hurt him so much because how could he miss that one out when he’d always been focusing on Chanyeol ever since they became best friends?

Baekhyun had been busy drowning in his thoughts that he didn’t know his face had already been tilted up by his best friend.

”You’re frowning, Baekhyun-ah~”

“Why didn’t you tell me that you already like someone? I thought we’re best friends? Aren’t you supposed to tell me everything? Especially big things like these? We’re not supposed to keep secrets from each other, Park Chanyeol! I’m insulted!”

Chanyeol only laughed at his rambling while Baekhyun’s mind began to narrow down the names of who might’ve been his best friend’s object of affection. He was stupid, so stupidly consumed by the list of names in his head that he didn’t get to hear what Chanyeol mumbled next.

_I actually thought I was being obvious._

“Huh? Did you say something, Yeol?”

The taller shook his head and Baekhyun continued with his brooding. Chanyeol only smiled at his best friend’s internal conflict, his free hand combing the other’s soft hair, the strawberry-scent invading his nose. He’s always been fond of Baekhyun’s hair and would run his hand on it whenever there’s an opportunity.

“Don’t think about it for now, Baek. Let’s make the most of our together time.” Baekhyun frowned, disappointment marring his soft features and the taller smiled widely as he held both of his cheeks and squished them together. Baekhyun whined at the assault but he didn’t protest on it.

“Now that it’s settled, let me tell you something Baek. You better listen to this and take this seriously, okay?”

Chanyeol loosened the hands that were on Baekhyun’s cheeks and cradled them in a gentle manner.

“I’ll be back, Baek, before you know it,” and then he smiled, the softest, most beautiful smile Baekhyun had ever seen him wore. “And when I do finally get back, I promise that we’ll never _ever_ be apart.”

 

Chanyeol left two days after breaking the news and Baekhyun was literally a crying mess at the train station. He hugged him tightly without any intent of letting him go and if only not for Jongdae, he’d be on the train with Chanyeol already. Jongdae’s poor attempt on making Baekhyun feel better was so ridiculous that Chanyeol had to intervene so as not to attract more attention. He drew Baekhyun into a hug and whispered his promises to him— promises like calling him always and that he’d visit on his next school break.

When Baekhyun got home that night, Loey was already there, waiting for him with that usual breathtaking smile on his lips. Baekhyun frowned because it reminded him of the first time he met the man— whom he used to call _stranger_ but wasn't now anywhere near the word. He remembered how the man smiled at his heartbreak for Yeo. He thought his smiling face was really offending. But now that he was over it, he couldn’t deny that that same smile also made him feel better at that time.

“Baekhyunnie, come here!” Loey patted the space next to him and Baekhyun complied but with a pout on his lips.

“I hate you,” He said as soon as he sat beside him. “And that stupid dimple of yours—“

“But your best friend has it too!” The man defended and it was stupid that he was pouting while he said that. Baekhyun had to bit his lips to stop the laughter from erupting. Then the pout turned into a soft smile as the man gently ruffled his hair.

“I like him, Baekhyunnie— you should keep him.”

“Who said I’m letting hi— _Woah_ —“

Baekhyun’s eyes kept on blinking rapidly just to make sure that he was seeing things perfectly.

“Am I missing him already that I’m seeing some of him on you? _WOW._ You kind of have the same facial features— like your nose is similar in shape as his. Your lips are also the same as his. And maybe if— well, I don’t know about his eyes because they were huge due to how thick his eye glasses were. But still— my point still stands that you kind of looked alike. You could actually trick people into believing that he’s your younger brother!”

Loey’s laughter roared across the room and Baekhyun was quick to join him. When they finally stopped from busting their guts out, the man gave him a huge grin as he said, _“I actually don’t have a brother, Baekhyunnie.”_

 

 


	2. SOMETHING TO DO

 

_**June 19, 2009** _

_**Dear Diary,** _

_**No one seems to see the pain I’m in** _  
_**and I wish that someone can take me out** _  
_**of the devastation I’m going through.** _

   

“ _Pack your things!_ You're staying with your grandmother for the rest of your school break."

"But dad— How many times do I have to tell you that I wasn’t drunk last night? I only took a couple of shots but I swear— I wasn't dru..."

"I don’t want to hear any of your explanations right now because I’m sick and tired of listening to your lame excuses as well as your broken promises, Baekhyun!”

The elder said in one breath and that immediately shut him up.

“YOU AREN’T EVEN ALLOWED TO DRINK AT ALL AT THIS AGE! Who in their right mind would even sell alcohol to an underage ki—” He paused, finally understanding the logic behind the situation. _“Give me that fake ID of yours, Byun Baekhyun!”_

The man narrowed his eyes at him and he flinched at the intensity of it.

“Give it here or I’m going to flip the entirety of your bedroom to search for it myself and have you deal with the mess after I’m done with it!”

His father began to amble toward his room but he immediately grabbed his arm and stopped him from nearing his door. No matter how hungover he was, he kept his grip firm on his father’s arm. The man continued to glare at him but he fought against being intimidated by it. Baekhyun would never let his dad confiscate the alleged ID for it was his ticket to temporarily forget the misery he was in. He believed that it was the only thing that he could count on to keep him sane.

Byun Haeseong, on the other hand, didn’t mean to be that harsh. He never wanted to vent out his exasperation because he knew the reason behind his son’s rebellion as well as his nightly inebriation. He understood where Baekhyun was coming from but then, he’s also a father— the supposed-to-be stronghold of the family. It’s his responsibility to keep them together and he’d do whatever it takes to make sure of that regardless of how much his own heart was still grieving too.

 

It was two weeks ago when the Byun family lost the queen of their home to a car accident. Byun Minyoung decided to do her weekly groceries that fine Saturday morning when a car swerved its way toward the side street and hit her first hand. Witnesses said that the car appeared to have lost its control as the driver fought so hard to wheel it back onto the main road. Unfortunately, before he could even try to drive the vehicle away from the gutter, he already hit the woman who immediately died on the spot. Police report stated that the car had transmission and brake problems which the owner didn’t bother to fix.

The owner of the defective vehicle was a man in mid-40’s, working as a store clerk in one of those convenience stores around the city proper. He was the typical blame-thrower— even having the guts to lie his way out by telling the police that Minyoung wasn’t really on the side road but was actually crossing the street. The investigators frowned over his fabrication and before he could even start with another one, the interrogation room turned into full chaos. Haeseong began to charge at the man, punching his face until his knuckles were bleeding. The duty officers had a hard time restraining the elder Byun but the latter only kept on hitting the accused, all the morality in him were thrown out of the window. Even though he knew that the police could locked him up for what he did, he didn’t really care at that moment. He wouldn’t spare a single guilt for beating the bastard up. The man may be sentenced to prison but that would never compensate for what his family had lost. _Nothing_ could ever bring back Byun Minyoung.

“Look son, I understand what you’re feeling because it’s not on—“

“I’m not in the mood for this, dad…” Baekhyun said, trying to avoid the conversation but then his father already grabbed his arm, making him stop from even stepping a foot. “Please— please just let me go to my bedroom in peace.”

 _“No, Baekhyun,”_ Haeseong’s voice was serious and there was a threat beneath his words. “I'm putting an end to your drinking escapades because that’s very unhealthy, it has to stop!”

Baekhyun continued to struggle against his father’s hold and when he finally managed to pull his arm out, he immediately strolled his way toward his room; his father trailing after him. The elder kept on yelling— demanding him for some respect but he didn’t pay heed to his request. Instead, he continued to brisk walk his way toward his room and slammed the door shut as soon as he got in.

“I did not raise you to be impolite, Byun Baekhyun! I am not done talking yet so open the door and let—“

The rest of the statements became background noises as Baekhyun’s mind began to block them all out. His fists were shaking and his body was trembling with anger because that’s when he realised that he was the only one feeling miserable while the rest of them moved on, dealing with their lives as if mom’s death wasn’t worth grieving for. Baekhyun balled his fist tighter as he tried to resist the urge to go out and tell his dad to fuck off. His dad should have been the first one to understand him. He should’ve been the first person to know how much pain he was in.

“Can you just—” His father slowly let out his breath just to keep his composure. “Can you please open the door and let’s talk? I’m here, Baekhyun… just please—“

 _“You don’t know how I feel!”_ Baekhyun yelled as the dam finally broke. “None of you understands the way I feel and that just makes me feel so alone. I-I just want it to stop— I want to stop hurting and seeing how well you seem to take mom’s death isn’t helping me at all!”

Baekhyun couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks; his desolation was finally bleeding its way out in the open. He started to take sufficient breaths in between because he could feel his heart shattering into million pieces. This time, he was having a hard time containing his feelings and being exposed like that made him feel so pathetic. And he never wanted to appear weak in front of anyone but how could he stop when his heart was in misery? How could he move on when the only glue that could keep him together was already gone?

Baekhyun had always been close to his mom not only because he’s the youngest but because he had been sickly during his younger years. The woman showered him with affection and love and had spoiled him rotten as he grew up. His brother, Baekbom, even got jealous of the attention she was giving him but she was quick to remedy his resentment by carefully explaining to him that Baekhyun needed all the care he could get. And that it was his responsibility to help them take care of him as his older brother. She also told him that she loved them equally and that there wouldn’t be anything in this world that could stop her from doing so. Baekbom cried over her words. And from then on, the envy he had for his brother finally stopped haunting him.

Minyoung’s sudden death dulled out the cheery atmosphere of the Byun residence but it was Baekhyun who was the most affected so it wasn’t a surprise anymore when he took her death badly to a point of abusing his own body into extreme intoxication. Baekhyun was 17, barely legal, and would easily jump in to anything that could cover up his grief. He hated being pitied upon but he had no idea how to handle the loss properly. To him, it was easier to succumb into temporary happiness that the alcohol offered than allowing himself to mourn and heal his broken spirit.

_Just for tonight, I’d allow myself this favour. Tonight, I’d let my dad know of my grief._

But just as he was about to burst his feelings out, a pair of strong arms wrapped around his body, making him stop from executing his plan. The gesture was intimate, _thoughtful_ — like the owner knew how much he needed the hug and Baekhyun just melted at it, leaning more to it as if it was his life line. He knew he was yearning for attention but didn’t know that he was craving for it _that_ much.

Baekhyun already knew who it was, the way he was being held was familiar. There’s gentleness on it— seeming to tell him that it was okay to be cry. That it was okay to be weak because someone would be there to make sure that he’s not alone anymore.

_“Shhh… I’m here, Baekhyunnie. I got you.”_

And Baekhyun had always loved that voice— that deep, soothing voice which always send him comfort in ways he didn’t know how. It never failed to calm his heart out, buoying up his downcasted spirit, and at the same time activating all the butterflies in his tummy. Baekhyun had never been enamoured from a voice alone.

He felt a hand soothing his back, an attempt to tell him that he was safe and that there’s someone ready to listen, to care, and to shelter him away from his devastation. The gesture pacified his hammering heart, immediately obliterating the forthcoming anxiety.

Baekhyun noticed that his lips were moving but he was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t understand anything he was talking about. He was only brought back from his trance when the man cupped his face and gently brushed his thumb onto his cheeks.

“Are you listening to me, Baek?” Loey asked, immediately commanding Baekhyun’s attention. “Please tell me your listening because it’s important that you know this, Baekhyunnie. I understand what you’re feeling but you should also know that it isn’t just you who’s hurting, Baek.”

Loey’s smile was reassuring that it somehow lifted up his disheartened state.

“You have to understand that it wasn’t only you who had lost her, Baek. Your dad lost her too— Your brother lost her too… and it’s just as _difficult_ to them as it is with you.”

That was what it took for the his strong façade to break. His tears once again gathered onto the corners of his eyes and he didn’t hesitate to let them out. Loey carefully tucked him back to his chest and Baekhyun cried harder than he ever did.

“I won’t say that it’s all going to be okay because I know that it will never be.” The hand behind him once again moved in a soothing manner. “I know the feeling of losing someone important to you and how painful it is to keep living without them.”

Baekhyun felt his hold tighten a bit more.

“ _Eomeoni_ will never be forgotten and will always occupy a special place in everyone’s heart, Baek. Please do not take your dad and your brother’s indifference about her death negatively. Not because they don’t show their misery means that eomeoni’s not important to them. People have different approach on things, Baek. But I am sure that their grief is just as deep as yours.”

Loey finally untangled himself from him and gently cupped his cheek with one hand, the other carefully wrapped around his waist. Baekhyun was quick to lean onto his touch and he was honestly surprised by how he did so. It’s like he was built for the man’s touch.

“Things will never be easy, Baek, unless you learn to let go and allow her to live through you. I’m sure she wouldn’t want her beautiful boy to waste his life just like this, would she? I bet she would’ve wanted you to become a—“ The man’s face turned contemplative, his brows scrunched up in a thoughtful manner. “... a singer? A model? Or maybe just a normal guy who gets married and lives happily ever after with the love of his life?”

Baekhyun found himself laughing at that and Loey beamed widely at the sound of it.

“Listen, Baek— Life is about to get difficult from now on so you should be ready to roll with its punches. You must learn how to be equipped to face your battles and be strong enough to defend your ground. I’m not sure if you’re getting my point but I need you to trust me on that one, Baekhyunnie.”

The man grazed his fingers on his cheeks, gentle and comforting.

“No man is an island, Baek, so promise me that you won’t shut yourself from people who genuinely care about you. You’re going to need all the help that you can get no matter how needy and pathetic that may seem to be in your vocabulary. You have to have someone to bail you out in times of need— to throw the second punch while you take the first blow. Nobody’s going to go out of their way to protect you unconditionally unless it’s your parents or family members and they—“ The man breathed deeply, eventually letting out an audible sigh. “I don’t really want to say this, but they’re not going to live forever. You’ll need to grow your own tribe so that you can have someone to rely on to get through the storms of life in the years to come.”

“There will be times when you’ll definitely need a break from all the bullcrap around you,” the man continued, a soft smile plastered on his lips. “So go ahead and do it. Let yourself be alone for a while. Respect your solitude but please do not wall yourself up for too long because that won’t help you, Baek. It’ll only imprison you.”

“You have to learn how to let go and savour the pain that goes with it. That’s the only way you’ll be able to grow and be a better person. You have no idea how strong you’ll get to be, Baek— how you’re going to get better at getting hit a lot but won’t crumble easily at every strike—“ Loey’s dimples slowly began peeking through his cheeks.

_“And you have me, Baekhyun. You will always have me whenever you need me the most.”_

Baekhyun could only tear up at that for he had never felt reassured not until Loey cradled him into his arms, anchoring him against the waves of his emotions. It was just what he needed, words that he’d been wanting to hear for the longest time— the assurance that would keep him afloat to get through his desolation.

He now realised how hard he was being on himself, allowing the situation to destroy all the positivity in him. And he was beyond grateful that the man’s words put his heart at rest, finally liberating him from all the struggles he had been going through these past few weeks.

Just as he was about to thank Loey, Baekhyun heard his phone vibrate followed by a ringtone he knew by heart.

_B!_

He could hear the worry in the caller’s tone.

_I’m sorry I called you late. Grampa's check up took a bit longer than we expected._

Baekhyun breathed deeply. _It’s alright, Yeol._

_I really wish I was there now, B._

Tears began to gather onto the sides of Baekhyun’s eyes.

_If only I could teleport right now, I would’ve been hugging you right at this moment._

And he finally let out the tears to come forth.

 _B— Please don’t cry_.

He could hear the other muffling his cries too.

 _I feel so terrible right now because— what kind of a best friend am I if I’m not there at this difficult time?_ Baekhyun heard him sniff and it made him want to burst into tears. _But I’ll make it up to you, B. I promise._

Baekhyun only hummed in reply.

_You still remember my promise, right?_

He nodded even though the other couldn’t see him.

_I’ll come back, B. I swear on your mom’s grave that I will._

He was trying his best to stop the tears from falling but the lump on his throat was getting too much, constricting his breathing, that he had no other choice but to sob it all out and let his feelings out through his tears. Then he heard him exhale loudly as he said—

_And when I do, we will never be apart._

  

Baekhyun actually felt better after the call because Chanyeol had stayed with him on the line until he had no more tears to cry. They talked until the alcohol in Baekhyun’s system finally evaporated— with Chanyeol, blabbering a lot of nonsensical things just to divert Baekhyun’s attention away from his sadness. And before they bid each other goodnight, Chanyeol once again reminded him of his promise and emphasised how much he’s intent on fulfilling it.

It was two in the morning when Baekhyun finally decided to clean himself up. He sluggishly walked toward his bathroom and upon turning on the lights, he was surprised to see how fucked up he looked like. There were traces of tears on his cheeks and his nose was still red from the crying hysteria he just did a while ago. His appearance definitely mirrored how he had felt these past few days.

Staring at his reflection, he could see how his rebellious action took a toll on his body. He had gotten really thin— with his skin looking sallow, his cheeks pale, and his lips all dried up and chapped. This wasn’t what he used to look like— the boy who had all the spark in the world. The boy staring at him wasn’t how he even dreamt himself to become. This wasn’t the Byun Baekhyun his mom would definitely be proud of.

Baekhyun realised how much of a fool he was for allowing himself to drown in depression. He could’ve approached the issue in a better way, maybe reached out to his family and talked to them about his agony. But he had chosen to bottle up his feelings which he later on realised was stupid because he had not only let himself down but his family too.

That night, Baekhyun promised himself that he would do his best to move on, to try each and everyday to accept the things he had no control of and to be thankful for what he still have. He knew that the pain would subside as the days go by and that he’d eventually get better. But for that to happen, he had to help himself heal, he had to let people in and not push them away. Loey was right after all. He wasn’t the only one suffering. The whole Byun clan also lost a big part of their lives just as much as he had.

He owed it all to Loey for beating some sense into him and he wished that he had stayed a bit longer so that he could thank him with all his heart.

  

>>•<<

 

_**March 8, 2010** _

_**I made it!** _  
_**But I wish someone’s here** _  
_**to celebrate with me.** _

 

What Loey said made a big impact in Baekhyun’s life that in the next succeeding months, he was able to get himself back on track as he dedicated his time by empowering himself more. He began to study his hardest just to get in to one of the best schools in the city, _Seoul National University._

He and Jongdae had chosen to pursue music because it had always been their passion to be able to sing and create wonderful melodies together. And because of their tremendous efforts, both were able to pass their auditions, with Baekhyun— even making it to the scholarship program. It was the first time after his mom’s death that Baekhyun felt so happy and fulfilled in his life. He only wished his mom was there to celebrate this milestone in his life.

What’s even sad was that there’s no one he could share this triumph with. His dad was at work while his brother was busy with his thesis and the silence of the house was deafening, making him feel the loneliness even more.

_“Congratulations, Baekhyunnie.”_

Turning his head toward the source, Baekhyun felt his heart race at the sight of Loey, leaning against his door, with a small smile on his lips. He didn’t know why the man— being there, made his heart beat erratically inside his chest but he chose to believe that the reaction was more of a surprise than something else.

“Thank you,” was what he could only say as he immediately lowered his head to hide his furious cheeks. “Uhm— how did you know by the way?”

Loey’s face lit up with excitement as the tiny smile now erupted into a full blown one.

“Let’s just say that you’re never really quiet when you’re _that_ happy.” The man crossed the remaining distance between them and pulled him to an embrace, not too tight and neither too loose. “Congratulations, Baekhyunnie! You’ve overdone it this time. I’m really so proud of you.”

Baekhyun grinned at the man’s words because he too had been so proud of himself. He didn’t really apply to any other universities in Seoul because SNU was his dream school— the College of Music was where he wanted to be trained just like his mom. Byun Minyoung had graduated first in her class under the music program too and Baekhyun aimed to follow her footsteps and be one of the best just like her.

“You’ve always had it in you though— the voice that could melt someone’s heart. I’ve always loved listening to your voice.”

Ignoring the fluttering in his stomach, Baekhyun arched a brow at the man and gave him a curious stare.

“How did you know I could sing? I’ve never sang in front of anyone else except in Jongda— Wait a minute—“ Baekhyun leaned forward as the man backed away from him. “Are you stalking me?”

Loey only laughed in return, a bit too loud to hide the obvious strain on his voice.

“Uhm—well. I just— know that you have a good voice, Baekhyunnie.”

There was a nervous smile on the man’s lips as he continued to avoid his eyes and Baekhyun could feel that there was really something _big_ he wasn’t telling him.

“Who are you? _Really?”_

Instead of being intimidated, the man brought his eyes back to him and smiled.

“I already told you my name, Baekhyunnie. But okay—because you’re so cute today, I’ll indulge you. My name’s Loey, your imaginary friend. Aren’t you happy that you can still see your imaginary friend till now, Baekhyunnie?”

The way Loey was staring at him made him blush because whenever those big brown eyes landed on him, they were always full of fondness.

“No. It’s actually creepy. I think you are creepy.”

Baekhyun saw the man snickering with the corners of his eyes crinkling in delight.

“I’m too good-looking to be called creepy, Baekhyunnie,” he said with a teasing smirk. “I feel like I’m more of a knight in shining armour who’ll do anything for his _prince._ ”

“Princess, you mean.”

Loey leaned his upper body onto his bed’s headboard while his eyes still trained on him.

“Well, in my case, my damsel in distress is a _prince…_ ”

There it was again, those enchanting and beautiful eyes that seemed to paralyze every living cell in Baekhyun’s body. They were hypnotising— like a drug which slows down time, making every second last more than a lifetime. And no matter how much he tried to evade those eyes, his own would always made its way back at them, inducing his heart to beat so fast as if it wanted to burst out of his chest.

“But I’m not a girl.”

“You’re definitely not, Baekhyunnie, but you are _more_ beautiful than any other girls out there.”

Baekhyun felt his cheeks warm at the statement and Loey’s smile was making the flush reach his ears.

“You’re not only beautiful outside but also on the inside. You also have the purest heart one could ever have— not to mention the fantastic personality that always radiates through your actions. Everything about you single you out from everybody else and now that I'm staring at you— It’s just amazing that you can _still_ make everything else fall into background.”

Baekhyun cursed under his breath. The butterflies in his tummy were definitely pleased with what the man said.

“W-why do I feel like you seem to know more about me than I know myself?”

He hated the way he stuttered and he hated how his brain seemed to short-circuit every time the man’s in front of him. It was like it’s working against him to a point where he couldn’t think straight.

“Let’s just say that you— _fascinate_ me so much. Seeing you at this age makes me feel even more proud to have met you.”

Baekhyun’s brows furrowed in confusion because why would someone like him be so proud to have met a nobody like Baekhyun?

_“You’re not a nobody, Baekhyun-ah.”_

“How did you kno—”

The man shook his head sideways.

“That’s not important right now. What’s important is that I make you believe that you’re _never_ a nobody.”

His words rung inside Baekhyun’s head. He wanted to oppose his impression of him because he _really_ was a nobody and everyone would agree to that. He was a loner, with only Jongdae and Chanyeol as his friends, and no one else he could feel connected with. He didn’t bother opening himself to anyone anymore because he was scared of being taken advantage of— the bullying from his early years had deeply embedded into his heart.

“You are actually a piece of art, Baekhyunnie.” The man said, drawing him back to the present. “You’re beautiful, funny, kind, and smart. You’re talented in your own way and you never stop until you get good at something you really want to do. You’re always willing to share what you have even when there’s nothing left for you anymore. You’re very passionate in helping people, especially those whom you love. So you’re definitely not a nobody. You’re someone who has a big heart that has the capacity to love the whole world.”

The man sighed, a long and audible one. “Do not believe what others say about you because their impressions of you aren’t who you really are. No matter what you do, no matter how much you try, someone will always have something negative to say about you. Good or bad, it will always have an effect on you so you have to choose which words to let in.”

Loey’s eyes began to soften and looked at him as if he was the most precious thing in the world.

“So don’t be scared to flaunt those assets, Baekhyunnie. I told you before that you have to learn how to let people in and not miss out on knowing someone as wonderful as you, right?” Loey gave him a soft smile. “Own up to your confidence, Baekhyunnie, because only by then will they know how much of a wonderful person you truly are.”

Then he cradled his cheeks as his eyes bore deeply into his. Baekhyun felt himself shiver at the intensity of it.

“Always remember this, Baekhyunnie— You might not matter to most but to people like me, _you are the world._ ”

 _“BYUN BAEKHYUN!_ ”

The next thing he knew was that he was being corralled by Jongdae’s arms with his face tucked inside his chest, giving him no option but to throw his own around the other’s waist.

“We made it, Baek! Oh my fucking God! We made it!” Baekhyun chuckled and Jongdae leaned back a little to give him his signature cheshire grin. “Oh and here— Chanyeol asked me to give you this.”

He stepped back and handed him a bouquet, consisting of 3 red, 2 pink, 3 lavender, and 4 blue roses. Baekhyun’s eyes widen and a bright smile emerged from his lips as he took them from Jongdae’s arms.

“Thanks, Dae, for running this errand for him.” His eyes were still focused at the bouquet and Jongdae only shook his head because of how hopeless his cousin was when it came to Chanyeol.

“How can I not when he’s been bugging me since morning to buy that stupid bouquet for you?”

Baekhyun began to imagine how Chanyeol begged for this favour and he laughed at what he had visualised.

“You’re welcome. There’s a card somewhere in there by the way and don’t you dare mock my handwriting or I’ll punch your ugly face. But anyway—” Jongdae put an arm around his shoulder and there’s a soft smile plastered on his lips. “... we’re really are so proud of you, Byun Baek! You even made it to the dean’s list! Your mom must be smiling down from heaven right now.”

Baekhyun couldn’t help the tear that escaped from his eye and Jongdae was quick to wipe it off of his cheek.

“I don’t know what’s in store for us in college but I want you to know that I’ll always be here for you.” Jongdae gave him his signature smile and slowly pulled him back to his chest. “So let’s do our best and be the musical heroes we aspired to be.”

 

Later that night, after he’d been congratulated by his dad and his brother for his passing, he ran up to his room and found Loey sniffing the bouquet while humming a tune he hadn’t heard of.

“What’s that you’re humming?”

The man turned to face him and there’s a warm smile on his lips as he began wording the tune.

 _Not sure if you know this_  
_But when we first met_  
_I got so nervous I couldn’t speak_  
_In that very moment_  
_I found the one and_  
_My life had found its missing piece_

Baekhyun didn’t know that he had closed his eyes, allowing that voice to invade his senses and serenade his heart.

 _So as long as I live I love you_  
_Will have and hold you_  
_You look so beautiful in white_

He didn’t know that a deep voice could sound so soft and soulful as if every ounce of emotion in the man’s body was on each and every word he was singing.

 _And from now till my very last breath_  
_This day I’ll cherish_  
_You look so beautiful in white_

When Baekhyun opened his eyes this time, Loey was staring at him and there’s a doleful look on his face but he immediately shook his head and the gloomy atmosphere was soon then replaced with a delighted one.

“What’s that song? I haven’t heard of it before.”

Loey’s smile was twice the same size.

“You’ll hear it someday, Baekhyunnie, but for now— let’s talk about your flowers.”

The man turned around and picked up the bouquet not forgetting to take the card with him with a calligraphic _congrats_ written in front and handed them over to Baekhyun.

“He’s a sweet one, that dork.” He said which made Baekhyun snort. “Do you want to read it again, Baekhyunnie?”

With a huge smile on his face, Baekhyun shook his head in affirmation.

“How about you read it for me?”

He opened the card and passed in on to Loey, who eagerly nodded with an ear-to-ear grin.

 

_To my dearest B,_

_Congratulations on your well-deserved success! I know how hard you’ve worked on this and I really wish I was there to celebrate with you but I’m a bit tied in here ‘coz gramps need to go to his doctor today. T_T But anyway, I hope you know how proud I am of you. You really are a proof that with passion and determination, you’ll be able to reach your worthwhile goals. :) I’m already sure that you’ll do great in the future but I still want you to know that whatever happens, I will always be here for you._

_Yeol_

_P.S.: Don’t forget to thank Jongdae, okay? Tell him he should’ve taken English. His litany of creative curses were quite impressive. ^.~_

 

Baekhyun was laughing as soon as the man finished reading the letter. Loey only stared at him in amusement.

“He’s right about that, you know.”

“About what?”

“About how you’ll do well in the future because _one,_ you’re amazing as you are already and _two,_ ‘cause he’ll be with you to make sure you’ll get to where you’re supposed to be.”

Baekhyun blushed but he laughed to reroute the attention away from his face.

“Well— he’s not the only one who’s going to be with me because you’re supposed to stay forever since you’re my imaginary friend, right?”

Loey’s tall frame shook with mirth.

“I will, Baekhyunnie. I promise you I’ll be here— _whatever happens._ ”

  

>>•<<

 

_**November 15, 2010** _

_**I’m still the freak** _  
_**whom everyone wants to tear apart.** _

 

Baekhyun had hoped a lot in college and he was really excited to be finally having a formal education in music. SNU’s College of Music proved its worth— with just the first term being tough as hell already, he’d been stuck up in his dorm and couldn’t even go home anymore to be of help to his family. The program was taking 24/7 of his time and he wasn’t even majoring anything yet. Baekhyun had no complaints about it though because he expected it to be toxic. He was prepared to die trying even if he’d get to suffer the everyday episodes of migraines from information overload.

Lectures used to bore him to death but music as a topic would always ignite his passion. It’s not that he never enjoyed studying before. It’s just that music had always been his reliable companion ever since the beginning. It made him dream, kept him hopeful, as the tiny voice in his head continued to motivate him to persevere and aspire for greater things. It was the only thing in this world that had the power to dispel the negativities around him— the reason why he remained optimistic regardless of the cruelties around him.

He and Jongdae were really doing well in their program. They’re always eager to go to school; worked diligently with their school tasks and even befriended several higher batches— because Jongdae’s object of affection had taken them under his care. Kim Minseok was also attending SNU and was enrolled under their department too.

Everything was working well and Baekhyun couldn’t be happier but then life really had a funny way of testing people out because Baekhyun couldn’t believe that he once again ended up being a target of the bullying.

 

School finally ended and Baekhyun couldn’t wait to get back to his dorm. He only had 2 hours of sleep and he was exhausted. They had a major exam that day which drained his brain to the core. But he was still thankful because at least he could now go home and take his much awaited sleep unlike Jongdae, who had to show up to his part time job and do his thing.

The school grounds were empty so he slowed down his pace to enjoy his walk. But then just as he was about to reach the school gates, he found himself being dragged to a secluded alley by the boys from the football team.

 _“Well, look who we have here…”_ One of them said with a sinister smile on his lips. Baekhyun felt the hair on his nape rise at the sight of it. “If it isn’t our _pretty_ Baekhyunnie—“

Baekhyun fought the urge to blush but he couldn’t help but warm at that even though he knew that it was more of a tease than a compliment. It wasn’t the first time he was called pretty because it had been the main reason why he was always picked on— his soft features being the source of his agony.

Byun Baekhyun was actually beautiful, too beautiful that every time he walked into a room, he’d garner everyone’s attention. He was worth a second look, had a face that could make a boy question his preferences— with longer eyelashes than most girls, droopy eyes that seemed to soften the rest of his face, straight nose that would adorably scrunch up whenever he’s thinking deeply, and thin lips that added more to his charms. Baekhyun was exactly what Loey described him— _a piece of art._

The boy, who seemed to be the group’s leader, smirked and started walking toward him and Baekhyun instinctively backed away until he hit one of the walls of the alley.

“You know, I was thinking of playing with you and I hope you don’t mind that I’ve invited some of my friends to play with us too.”

Baekhyun tightened his fist, trying his best not to flinch at the fingers that were now caressing his cheeks. He felt disgusted as the other arm snaked around his body and he wanted to spit onto the jock’s face and tell him to fuck off. He hated the way he was being stared at— like he was some meat to ravish.

So he struggled against the guy while the others laughed at his poor attempt.

“Let go of me!” He said with enough hatred on every word.

“Feisty, aren’t we?” The jock once again smiled as he tightened his arms around him. “I love feisty boys like you, Baekhyunnie. I can’t wait to have fun with you and I’m sure the others are just as excited as me to have their way with you— aren’t you, boys?”

A series of hoots and yes were heard across the surroundings and Baekhyun paled at the implication of the leader’s words. He didn’t know how he’d be able to get out of the situation because he knew that there was no way he could fling a shot at any of these jocks. It was a well known fact that the football team had the most intense training out of the other varsities and it would really be impossible to run away from them. Moreover, it was 6 against 1; with worthy opponents who could easily dodge an attack. It was a suicide mission to rebel against them but Baekhyun didn’t want to surrender in fear. Even though there was no way he could fight them off, Baekhyun still had his pride to protect.

“What’s in it for you, huh?” He said, trying not to stutter at his words. “Why do you enjoy making a mess out of people who do you no harm? What did I ever do to any of you to receive this kind of treatment?”

He could feel his heart beginning to race but he refused to let his fear overcome him.

“You all have to stop doing this to people or I will tell the school coordinator how you normally spend your time.” Baekhyun’s voice was beginning to get louder.

“You’ve got some nerves, Baekhyunnie—“ The leader’s hand sneaked to his throat. “But you don’t get to threaten us. You should actually be thankful that we’re sparing you a gla—“

_“Take your hands off of him or you won’t be able to use them ever again!”_

A voice, deep and menacing, roared across the alley and it made everyone turn their heads onto the owner. Baekhyun had to blink a couple of times to get his thinking straight because Loey, being there, couldn’t be possible, right? He was imaginary, something that his mind made up and wasn’t supposed to be seen by anyone else. _So what was he doing there— standing in all his glory, at the end of the alley?_

There was fire in the man’s eyes as he glared at the leader and it was the first time Baekhyun had seen him so deadly— like he’s ready to kill anyone who’d dare to cross him. But even though it scared him to see the madness in his eyes, Baekhyun felt himself relax at his presence. He could tell that the jocks were intimidated too because they all backed away from him when the man began to walk toward their spot.

“So—“ Loey slowly unbuttoned the cuff of his sleeve, folding it all the way to his elbows. “Who would like to go first?”

Baekhyun could see his how his muscles flex as he worked on his other sleeve and his lips parted at the sight of those well-built arms. He felt so ashamed of himself and wanted nothing but to punch himself for secretly enjoying the view. This other version of the stranger was really… _hot_ and Baekhyun felt his ears warm over his ridiculous thoughts.

“Who are you?”

Baekhyun heard the man chuckled at the question and the grip on his body began to loosen up.

“Someone who cares so much for the boy you’re trying to harass...” Then his eyes turned livid, solely focusing onto the leader. “I’m not letting you hurt him so it’s either you take the easy way out of this— get your hands off of him now and never bother him again or I can just beat the heck out of you all and make sure you remember my words?”

The jocks were all too focused at him that they already forgot about Baekhyun, who was silently sneaking his way out of the commotion. But instead of running to save his life, he found himself staring at Loey, who was pushing the leader toward the wall and was harshly grabbing his varsity jacket. The guy tried to get away from the fierce hold but it was so firm he couldn’t even move an inch.

“May this serve as a warning to you because I am not letting you hurt him anymore! If I ever get to hear you’re harassing him again, I’ll make sure to break all 206 bones in your body so that you won’t get to use any of them in the future.”

Then he let him off with a glare and the others weren’t stupid not to take the chance to ran away from him.

“Are you alright, Baekhyunnie?” Loey’s eyes were busy roaming around his face, checking for any signs of injury. “Are you hurt anywhere?”

“I’m alright,” Baekhyun smiled reassuringly. “I’m not hurt and it was all thanks to you.”

Loey released a loud breath and settled his forehead onto the boy’s shoulder. The gesture made Baekhyun’s heart beat so fast that it warmed up the whole of his body. That felt intimate and he didn’t know how to stop his heart from pounding too much. He could feel the man breathing so hard as if he was ready to collapse anytime so Baekhyun did what came first to his mind— he embraced him with all his might.

“Thank God, you’re okay.” Baekhyun could hear the relief on his voice. “I’m so sorry I was late but something came up and I got so preoccupied that I almost forgot I had to be here today. You were almost hurt _again,_ Baekhyunnie. Good thing, I made it in time or I would have failed to do something I promised you...”

Baekhyun angled back and stared deeply into the man’s eyes.

“Which is?”

_“To always protect you.”_

Baekhyun stared at the man with confusion evident on his face. He couldn’t remember the promise he was talking about. But then he thought that maybe Loey was really taking the knight-in-shining-armour idea too seriously because what else could he be doing there, exposing himself, if not to carry out that role?

Choosing to ignore the elephant in the room, Baekhyun smiled as he said, “Thank you for saving me. You really are my knight in shining armour but then— where’s your horse?”

That made Loey’s face lit up as a chuckle escaped from his lips and Baekhyun was honestly relieved to hear that.

“I never thought that I’d live to see you looking all lethal like that when I don’t even think you can hurt a fly…”

Loey began to laugh and it was like an ignition to Baekhyun’s wild heart. He could feel it banging on his chest as it once again went into overdrive. The feeling was scaring him yet Baekhyun found himself liking the sound of his laughter because it was just like his best friend’s. He didn’t know why he kept on incorporating Chanyeol with this man. There was something about Loey that made him feel at home— just like how being with Chanyeol felt like.

“I’m usually not brutal, Baekhyunnie, but—“ the man suddenly turned serious. “I’m prepared to get hanged, sit on an electric chair, take shots of lethal injections, or even spend the rest of my life in jail just to make sure you’re safe.”

Loey cradled his cheeks and gave him a soft smile which unexpectedly rattled the boy’s insides. _Why is everything about the man’s doing makes him want to melt into a puddle of goo?_

Baekhyun decided to break the solemn moment— _because he’s afraid his heart would burst out of his chest if he kept on staring at those warm eyes_ — by untangling himself from the embrace and giving the man a curious stare.

“You’re not really my imaginary friend, are you? Because if you really were, there was no way you could’ve been seen by those jocks.”

“Uh— yeah.” The man had a nervous smile on his lips. “I’ll probably be in trouble for that but that’s okay. It’s worth it. _You are always worth it._ ”

And with a blink of an eye, Loey was gone.

  

>>•<<

 

_**March 16, 2011** _

_**I knew I was a rebound** _  
_**but was it wrong to hope that I’d be the one to heal him?** _

  

Baekhyun didn’t know how it happened— One minute he was keeping his low key status and the next thing he knew was he’s being _showered_ with attention by the lead guitarist of the glee club.

Zhang Yixing was an exchange student from China and was also the president of the glee club. He was a charming young man, clever for his young age, with an amazing personality to boot. He had an ear for great music and could woo anyone with his astounding guitar skills. He also had a nice smile, with a dimple gracing the right corner of his lips. It was actually what drew Baekhyun more to him because it reminded him of Chanyeol and Loey’s dimples— only their’s were on their _left_ cheeks.

Baekhyun had never actually considered on getting involved with someone. He wasn’t really looking for love simply because he had always focused on Chanyeol and partly with Loey. He had grown fond of both men since they had been a constant fixture in his life, especially Loey. But then being courted by Yixing was like a breath of fresh air because the man was nothing but persistent and persistence were amongst Baekhyun’s weaknesses. So with the help of the other club members, whom Yixing cooperated with, Baekhyun gave in and finally said yes to the Chinese president.

When he told Chanyeol about it, the latter’s reply was only silence and Baekhyun had a bad feeling about that. He didn’t know what his best friend was thinking right now but he didn’t want to hide this from him because this was something important to him. He wanted to keep him on the loop. But when he heard him let out a loud breath and made a follow up threat of, _‘if he hurts you, I’ll wring his neck,’_ he knew that they were all right.

Chanyeol was supportive and had always given him tips on dating even though he had never been in a relationship before. It was weird how he kept on sending him articles about dating but he appreciated his efforts nonetheless. He was not only a helping hand but also an eager ear and Baekhyun’s pillar of support every time he’s in need of it. He would even go all extra with his support by being the one to order flowers for him whenever Yixing had a performance. And when he asked him about the extra mile, Chanyeol only said that he wanted Baekhyun’s first relationship to be a remarkable one.

The first few months of their relationship were really amazing. Yixing was very mindful of his needs and would generously give him his full attention. Baekhyun felt well taken care of. He was loved and that made him really happy. But when they came around the 5th month, Yixing suddenly got busy and Baekhyun had no idea what’s taking most of his time now. For all he knew, midterms were about 2 months away and club activities were put on break. Baekhyun didn’t know what to do. He was getting more frustrated everyday with how things were going in their relationship because it’s either Yixing was cancelling their dates or he could not be reached through his phone.

So one fine Saturday morning, Baekhyun decided to surprise his boyfriend and just as he was about to knock on the man’s dorm, he heard him talking to someone.

_Just give me until Monday— I’m gonna end things up with Baekhyun._

Baekhyun felt his body froze the moment he heard his name. He couldn’t move because of how mind-numbing those words were.

 _Well, it’s not exactly my fault that he fell for me. I only did what boyfriends usually do. Besides, it’s not like I didn’t like him, okay? The boy’s too nice not to adore._ A soft chuckle escaped Yixing lips and Baekhyun couldn’t tell if it was out of fondness or out of mockery. _I only asked him out because I was lonely. You broke up with me in case you’ve forgotten so don’t put this on me, Myeon. I wouldn’t have dated him if you weren’t too scared to come out of your closet._

Kim Junmyeon, also known as Myeon by many, was the student council president with perfect grades and a stunning face. He’s not only the most beautiful man in school but also had the intelligence and money the world could offer. Junmyeon came from a wealthy family, who’s well known in the trading business and were very traditional with their beliefs. That’s the reason why he broke things up with Yixing and had been very protective of his reputation since then. Junmyeon knew that if the news about his sexual preference reached his family, they wouldn’t think twice to disown him.

_Will you stop it? Sure, he’s a great company but that’s not enough for me to fall for him. I only have eyes for one person and it’s you, Myeon— it has always been you._

And Baekhyun had enough. He turned his back away from the door and ran as fast as he could toward nowhere. His eyesight was blurry yet he kept on running because that’s the only way he could feel something— the harshness of the wind on his face, the burning of his lungs, and the pain that was creeping up his legs— he had never really appreciated those feelings before not until now. It was better to feel them than nothing at all.

Before he could round the corner toward his dorm, there was a tug at his wrist halting him from all that running.

 _“I’m here, Baekhyunnie—”_ And Baekhyun immediately launched at the owner of the voice and finally broke down in tears. _“Let it all out. I’m here.”_

Loey gently soothed his back, making him cry harder as he allowed his pain to take over him.

“I knew I was a rebound—“ Baekhyun said in between sobbing. “... but I still said yes because I was hoping that I’d heal him. I’ve seen how devastated he was after the break up. And I love his smile so I promised myself to be the reason for his smiles again.”

He felt the man tightened his hold on him as he laid his chin on top of his head. He was silent, only listening to him as he rocked him back and forth.

“Baek—”

“I guess I’d hoped too much then—" Baekhyun continued. "But how could I not when he’d really been so nice to me? How could I stop myself from falling when with just one smile, my heart was a gon—“

“Aren’t my smiles beautiful? Aren’t they enough to flutter your heart too?”

Baekhyun quickly turned his eyes toward the man, who was showing that dimpled smile. Loey’s smile was really distracting that it made his cheeks warm at the sight of it.

“W-Well— I have to admit that you h-have a pretty smile too but I don’t want to be biased just because your damn dimple reminds me of Yeol—” Baekhyun kept his head low just to avoid Loey’s teasing smile. “I’ve always thought that your smiles are just like Chanyeol’s. You both have the most precious smile I’ve ever seen.”

Baekhyun blushed harder when he realised what he just said but the man just shook his head lightly with a shy smile on his lips.

“Thank you, Baekhyunnie. That’s really sweet of you," Loey smiled softly. "And don’t you worry, Baekhyunnie. You’re going to end up with someone better.”

“Better?” He asked with anticipation.

“Yeah, better. And he’ll be _way_ hotter.”

  

>>•<<

 

_**February 21, 2013** _

_**Am I really undeserving** _  
_**of that long-lasting relationship?** _

  

After two days of ignoring Yixing’s calls and messages, Baekhyun decided to finally hear him out. He knew he didn’t need the explanation but he just wanted to be fair to Yixing— that if they’re breaking up, it was mutually decided. But then Yixing wasn’t at school that day and when Baekhyun tried to call him, the guy didn’t even lie this time when he said that he was with Junmyeon. And before Baekhyun could even ask for an explanation, Yixing already called it quits then hung up on him.

His first instinct was to call his best friend and the latter was quick to answer his call. When he began to tell him what had happened, Chanyeol didn’t speak for a long time. He was so quiet that it somehow frightened Baekhyun because he knew that Chanyeol was the type who could never stand silence. No amount of coaxing could make him give in to Baekhyun’s pleading and it wasn’t until he threatened to cut the line off that the taller began to talk.

_“I’m sorry, B. I just got pissed because he doesn’t deserve your tears. So don’t cry for him, okay? I’m here. I’ll always be here for you.”_

But then Chanyeol’s words didn’t make things better for him because he still felt alone so he resorted to alcohol. Unfortunately, alcohol and Baekhyun had never been a good combination but getting drunk was the only way he could somehow feel better about himself and the rave parties he got invited to seemed to be the perfect place for him to seek refuge for his broken heart. He accepted all the drinks that were passed down to him and danced with almost everybody who had asked him. He just wanted to have a good time, to somehow forget his heart break but at the same time failing to get over the man behind it.

He continued to go to those parties just to avoid being alone and the last one he went to had gotten him incredibly high out of his wits. Baekhyun was never a dancer but he gave quite a good show on the dance floor and it attracted a lot of people, most especially a tall varsity player who was silently drinking at the corner of the room.

Baekhyun was busy grinding his ass out with that one cute junior from the Architecture department when a pair of strong arms circled around his waist and stole him from his dancing partner. Whatever restrictions he had in his body just flew out of the window as he basked in at the attention, ending up with him— making out with the tall varsity player before the night ended. How he was able to make it back to his dorm was honestly surprising. Jongdae must’ve taken pity on his drunk ass.

Baekhyun didn’t know what he had done until he got a call from his cousin the morning after, asking him how much of a good kisser Wu Yifan was. Unfortunately for him, their make out session was caught by someone who then on posted on twitter and had been trending ever since it was uploaded.

Two days after the party, he was on his way to his last class when Yifan found him and confessed to him. He said that he’d been eyeing him out for a long time already and had always wanted to get to know him since then. Baekhyun thought that the man was too blunt with his intention but he wasn’t turned off by it. In fact, he liked that about him. But he didn’t say yes immediately because he’d like to follow that 3-months break up rule— a rule which said that he would only get into a new relationship after the 3rd month.

But then Yifan’s handsome face as well as his manner of courting were too hard to ignore. The man’s an eye candy and Baekhyun’s weak resolve immediately crumbled at that. He figured Yifan would be a great form of distraction and might help him from getting over his ex. And Baekhyun wanted nothing but to get out of the misery he was in so a month after the break up, he agreed to date the varsity player.

Baekhyun was right after all. Not only did Yifan prove to be the perfect distraction but he was also the ideal boyfriend. The moment they’d become official, the tall boy had taken their relationship seriously and had managed to make him feel a whole lot better of himself. Yifan, contrary to his intimidating aura, was a pleasant company. He would always find time to see him and would always make him laugh for stupid reasons. The basketball captain’s favourite pastime was to compliment him, teasing him until his face was all red from making his heart flutter. The tall man also loved to parade him with his hands tightly enclosed in his. But that was a year and a half ago because these days, his boyfriend seemed to be _preoccupied_ with anything other than their relationship.

“I’m sorry, Baekhyun, but I can’t go home with you later.” Yifan said but his face didn’t seem apologetic at all.

“But you’ve been bailing out since last week! You don’t even reply to my texts and you don’t even answer my calls anymore! What is going on here? Are you really that bus—“

“Hey, _Kris!_ ”

A tall young man was running toward them and his cheeks were so red from the scorching heat. He was only a few centimeters short to Yifan’s height but he had an intimidating aura just like all the basketball team had. The man was beautiful even though he had heavy circles under his eyes.

Baekhyun actually knew who the tall man was despite of not having been introduced yet— the weird accent gave him away. He had heard about this particular man from Yifan a million times already that it made Baekhyun’s jealousy peak to the highest. He was beginning to think that there’s something going on with them, to be honest. And now that the said boy was finally there, his instinct had run wild seeing how enthusiastic Yifan’s face had gotten the moment the other man came into sight.

“Hey, Tao. What’s up?”

Tao’s face lit up at the greeting and he returned that same grin Yifan just sent him. The simple exchange ticked off Baekhyun’s nerves because the paranoia began to infiltrate his mind. It was fueling his assumptions, insisting that there was something _deeper_ in that gesture.

“Kai’s throwing a party tonight and Kyungsoo asked me to go with him since his boyfriend’s going to be so damn busy to do the hosting so—“ There was a playful smile on Tao’s lips that Baekhyun couldn’t help but feel annoyed at it. “... are you going to Kai’s party tonight, _Kris?_ Maybe we should go together?”

Baekhyun had never been malicious about anything— not until that moment. He saw how Yifan smirked at the invitation and sensed the certain naughtiness in Tao’s tone. It was all too much for him that his inner demon finally got the best of him.

The scene was like a confirmation that there was _really_ something going on with these two men. And Baekhyun began to entertain the thought that maybe— it was Tao, who had been the reason why Yifan stopped being the boyfriend he used to be.

_And he even allowed him to call him his English name when he’d glare at me if I ever called him that…_

Baekhyun had _enough._

“ _Sure,_ he’ll be there tonight.”

The two men immediately turned their heads at him and Baekhyun wanted to laugh at the way Tao’s slit eyes had gotten wide as he quickly gave him a bow as a form of apology. Yifan, on the other hand, only stared at him blankly— or if Baekhyun was right, he was glaring at him for the interruption.

“Oh I’m sorry for being rude, Baekhyun-ssi… I didn’t mean to— I-I didn’t see you...”

Tao seemed genuinely apologetic as he rubbed his nape in a nervous manner. But the sincerity of it did nothing to quell Baekhyun’s anger.

_Well, if you weren’t busy flirting with my boyfriend then maybe you would’ve seen me._

“It’s fine,” he answered in a sarcastic manner. “But am I really that short for you not to see me though?”

There was an obvious bite at Baekhyun’s tone and Yifan knew Baekhyun the most not to recognise the threat on his statement. He had been with him for almost 2 years not to take the warning seriously because Yifan knew that Byun Baekhyun would never cower at anyone, especially if his pride and his heart was being put on the line.

“I’ll see you later, Tao.” Yifan quickly replied, trying to remedy the tensed air around them. He tried as much to gently hold Baekhyun’s arm as he directed them toward the nearest bench, but the other was making it impossible for him to do so. Byun Baekhyun’s a force to be reckoned with, definitely hard to tame and as much as he didn’t want to hurt him, he had to grip his arm a bit tighter to stop him from squirming out of his hold.

As they reached the farthest end of the quadrangle, Yifan made sure that they were out of everyone’s scrutinising eyes. He slowly released the shorter’s arm and scowled at him for all his worth.

_“What the hell was that all about?”_

Baekhyun was silently fearing the intimidating tone but he only shrugged in defense, mirroring the glare that the other sent him.

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe you could tell me what _that_ was all about, Kris?”

This time, Yifan grimaced at the sarcasm but Baekhyun tried his best not to get affected by it.

“There wasn’t _anything_ on that, Baekhyun. That was very rude of you to act like that in front of Tao.”

“To act like what, huh? Like a jerk? A brat? Has it ever occurred to you why I had reacted that way?” He could feel his hands fisting as if it was getting ready to attack anytime. He was itching to bruise that stoic face of his boyfriend who didn’t seem to care about he was feeling.

“I am not being rude, Yifan.” Baekhyun was still shooting daggers at the other. “That was me— trying to protect what is mine!”

Baekhyun was honestly surprised that his boyfriend had a nerve to raise a brow at him. It was like a challenge, daring him to prove his words.

“What? Was there something wrong with what I did? Was it wrong to protect what’s mine?” He repeated but his voice was more of a whisper, shaky and unsure.

“Tell me something then—“ Clearing his throat, Baekhyun schooled his face into his most confident one. “Do you like Tao?”

Yifan paled at the question but he immediately put on his usual expressionless face.

“What the fuck are you talking about, Baekhyun? He’s my teammate, for Christ’s sake! We aren’t anything but teammates and that’s how it’ll always be.”

“Really now?” The shorter smiled sardonically. “Then why do you sound so bummed about that, huh? Would you rather be in a relationship with him than being teammates then? Are you hoping that your relationship will somehow get to that point? Do you want him—“

A tight grip on his shirt stopped him from continuing with his rage. The taller was now hovering over him with a glare that made Baekhyun tremble with fear.

“You know what’s the problem with you?” Yifan pulled him harshly through his collar. “You’re always nagging, Baekhyun. You always have a say on everything. You are quick to assume things even though there isn’t anything to presume. You have trust issues and its fucking unbearable to deal with. I don’t even know why on Earth we’re still together when you are the exact person I promised myself not to get involved with! We’re always fighting over shitty things and that’s what makes this all the more exhausting!”

Yifan’s voice was beginning to get louder.

“Do you know why I don’t answer your calls? Why I don’t reply to your messages? Because I am sick and tired of dealing with all that crap! You know how much I love my freedom, Baekhyun, and having to report everything I did whenever we’re not together is just so— tiring! Why can’t you just trust me? Why can’t you just let me be and be confident that I’ll always come back to you?”

“How the fuck do you expect me to trust you when you’ve just given that teammate of yours those freaking heart eyes, huh? How do you expect me to be confident when I always have to call you at least 10 times a day before you answer your goddamn phone?”

“In the span of time that we’re together, have I ever cheated on you, Baekhyun? Have I ever looked at anyone else other than you? Have I ever made you feel unloved for you to feel like you couldn’t trust me?”

“Because I tried, Baek!” Yifan yelled, his fists were balled tightly on his sides. “God knows I fucking tried to make you feel that I am dead serious about you— _about us!_ I’ve done everything I could to make you feel secured. But it’s never gonna be enough for you. My efforts will never be enough for you.”

Yifan’s voice had gotten softer, the saddest Baekhyun had ever heard.

“You can’t be in a relationship with someone whom you can’t trust, Baek. I am not Yixing. How many times do I have to tell you that I’m never going to betray you like what he did?” This time, Yifan shook his head in defeat. “I can’t do this anymore, Baekhyun…”

And it was all happening again— the same tightness in his chest that Baekhyun had felt when Yixing gave up on them.

“N-No. Wait, Yifan. I’m sorry.” Baekhyun begged. “I’m sorry. Please. I won’t do it again. I promise not to nag on you anymore. I promise to put all of my trus—“

“I’m sorry but this isn’t working anymore. You and I know that this isn’t the first time that it happened.” Yifan kept his eyes away from the boy in front of him. “Relationships are not supposed to exhaust you but this one definitely does. I didn’t sign up for this, Baekhyun. I do not want to stay with someone who listens to his paranoia more than me.”

And then he was gone. Baekhyun could only look at the man’s back as he strolled his way toward the parking lot. The guy didn’t even look back at him as soon as he reached his car. He felt his whole senses go numb. The conversation shook him to the core that he didn’t know how to react on it. He had never seen that one coming and had never prepared himself for this kind of situation.

He knew that he’d always had trust issues and he could only blame Yixing for that. Baekhyun tried— did his best to get out of his paranoia but his fears had gotten through him already, putting him in a box with no intentions of letting him out. And every time he tried to break free from those thoughts, his instinct would immediately shut him up and build its defenses around his heart in order to protect his fragile heart. But he couldn’t do anything about it for he knew how scarred his heart was.

It was so wrong of him to jump over to Yifan after Yixing that early. He hadn’t even gotten over the man fully when he stupidly entertained the idea that a rebound was what he needed. And now that it all backfired at him, he could only cry in despair, wishing that he could still work things out with the man who, he was now sure, deserved to be trusted.

 

He gave Yifan a week to cool down. They were both angry at that time and making decisions out of rage was never a good resolution to anything. He also used their time apart to think things over and the distance only made him crave for the tall man. So that Friday afternoon, as soon as this last class ended, he ran toward the varsity dug out to seek for the man himself. He was scared and excited at the same time for he didn’t know if what he had planned would work out. He had rehearsed his lines last night and had even planned to kiss him after he had said his piece. He’d do anything to be given a chance even if it’s to get down on his knees and beg the man. Baekhyun was _that_ determined to fix what he had ruined and he prayed so hard that he’s not yet too late to do that. But the moment he entered the gym, Baekhyun found himself rooted on the floor, stunned in silence.

He didn’t know he was crying not until his eyesight turned blurry. His tears kept rolling down his cheeks but his gaze remained at the two men in front of him. Baekhyun should be angry, he should fly into a rage because _what the hell was Yifan thinking— hugging Tao as if he wanted to cage the man all to himself?_ It was as if it was his life purpose to make the man feel better when Yifan should’ve done that to him and not to Tao. He had all the right to get angry, right? And it wouldn’t be wrong to punch Tao for hugging his boyfriend back with the same longing, right?

But just as he was about to march his way toward them, Baekhyun heard Yifan said those _three_ precious words— words that he used to say to him every time he had the chance. And just like that, Baekhyun had once again ended up with a broken heart.

_“Breathe, Baekhyunnie.”_

The voice was what it took for Baekhyun to exhale a lungful of air he didn’t know he was holding. He slowly turned his head toward the voice’s owner and was surprised to see the unusual frown on his lips which spoke of how worried he was.

“Do you want me to kick his balls? I’d beat him into a pulp if you want me to…”

But instead of laughing or even agreeing to the man’s suggestion, Baekhyun only sobbed at his joke and the man quickly pulled him to a hug.

“I’m sorry. Please don’t cry.” Loey’s arms were slowly tightening around his waist. “I was just joking, Baekhyunnie. I won’t do anything to him, I promise you that.”

Baekhyun slowly melt into the embrace as the man’s hand soothed his back. The gesture had always been his means of consoling him. But the tears continued to spill from the corners of his eyes and he could only sob his heart out. His hands grasped onto Loey’s shirt and the latter took that as a cue to hold him even tighter.

“I know you love him so even if I want to hurt him the same way he had hurt you, I’d let my anger go.” The man started leaning back and saw how puffy his eyes had become so he started wiping off the tears that were still streaming down his cheeks. “Besides, it’s not worth it, Baek. He’s not even worth the kick. There are plenty of fishes in the ocean so please don’t waste your tears on him.“

Baekhyun knew that but he didn’t want any other fishes out there because he knew that he already found one of the best there ever was. He cried harder, _louder_ — to a point where it was enough to attract anyone within his perimeter. And it was surprising that the two men hadn’t found him out yet.

“What made you say that?” Baekhyun gave the man a curious stare. “Aren’t we supposed to meet the one we want to spend the rest of our lives with halfway? Aren’t we supposed to fight for the love we want to keep?”

The smile Loey sent him unexpectedly fluttered his heart for some reason.

“You are right. We are supposed to compensate, to meet our chosen one halfway but—“

Baekhyun could see how much he was trying to come up with a more sympathetic answer but what he ended up saying once again broke his heart.

“As much as you want it to be Yifan— _he’s not the one for you._ ”

How could he be so cruel when Baekhyun was well aware of that now? He needed not to be reminded of that anymore; no need in furthering his agony. He already knew that Yifan wasn’t the one for him but was there really a need for him to betray him?

Still, he couldn’t find it in himself to hound Yifan for what he did because if there’s one thing Baekhyun was sure about their relationship, it was that he truly loved Yifan. He would never force the man to stay with him when he knew that he could no longer make him happy.

The betrayal would surely take time to heal but his experiences in the past taught him to accept things as they were regardless of how much heartbreak he’d have to endure. Baekhyun still had to move forward even when he didn’t want to.

“Can you please take me out of here?”

“Where do you want to go, Baekhyunnie?”

“Anywhere but here. Please get me out of here.”

And then he was being pulled, gently and with the right kind of support that his body needed. In a manner of minutes, they were already outside of the gym and the cold breeze immediately seeped through Baekhyun’s body.

“Are you cold, Baekhyunnie?”

Loey gently tilted his chin up so he could take a look at his face and his lips contorted into a frown with how red-rimmed his eyes were. He carefully rubbed his arms just to give him some warmth.

“I ruined it,” Baekhyun whispered. “I absolutely ruined it.”

Again, tears were flowing down his cheeks but this time, the man just let him be.

“It’s over now and it’s all my fault.”

There was nothing he could do now to correct his mistakes because Yifan seemed to have settled things on his own for their relationship. It was unfair, he wasn’t given the chance. But at the back of his mind, he knew that he was the only one to be blamed for the damage.

“I can hear your thoughts from here, Baekhyunnie. And they’re not at all pleasant.”

Baekhyun’s eyes lowered onto the floor but Loey held his chin up. He could feel his nose running and his face was all splotchy. But apparently, the man didn’t seem to care about his gross appearance because the way he was staring at him was like he’s the most beautiful man on Earth.

“The world is already a cruel place to live in so please don’t be too hard on yourself, Baekhyunnie. You’re not the only one in the relationship. It always takes two to tango so it wasn’t just your fault. You’ve got to stop blaming yourself for something that the _two_ of you should’ve worked on.”

Baekhyun could only sigh at the logic behind his words. That was indeed true. There had to be a mutuality in every decision that a couple had to make. But if that’s the case then why was he always left out in having a say at his relationships? Was he a worse decision-maker that none of them even asked for his opinion?

Somehow, the man’s words soothed his beat-up heart. His arms felt like home and his words were like an anchor that kept him grounded. Baekhyun couldn’t decipher why there was a homey feeling that Loey seemed to give off. He could lose himself to it and it was somehow scaring the heck out of him.

“You can still try and work things out with him, if you want to because I know how much of a fighter you are.” Loey shrugged and looked away from him but when he shook his head to disagree, the man immediately sought his eyes and the smile he gave off almost blinded him.

“Alright then. If that’s what you’ve decided, I’ll support you.”

There was a glimmer in his eyes as he said those words. Loey seemed so pleased and at the same time relieved in what he had come to terms with. And Baekhyun could only look at him in awe as the man’s smile finally reached his eyes.

“I know that it’s still early for me to say this but you’ll eventually grow out of it, Baek. The pain will always be there but as the days go by, it’ll become tolerable. Soon enough, you’ll realize that it doesn’t hurt anymore as much as it did before. You’ll be getting over this, I know you will, and you know why?”

Loey cupped his cheeks and grinned heartily at him.

“Because _someone_ will make you forget that you’ve ever had a broken heart.”

  

>>•<< 

 

_**October 10, 2013** _

_**If my future someone’s listening,** _  
_**I hope you know that I’m waiting for you** _  
_**and I wish you’ll come soon** _  
_**because my heart is getting tired** _  
_**of the blows it keeps on getting.** _

   

Months had passed and Baekhyun’s been able to move on from his heartbreak. Kris and him did talk but it was more of a closure for both of them. He reassured him that it wasn’t his fault that they broke up and had apologized for a lot of things— the missed calls, the ignored messages, the failed dates, the broken promises, and for falling out of love. Each word pierced through Baekhyun’s heart and he could only cry to somehow alleviate the pain he was feeling. And being the wonderful guy that Kris was, he gently took him into his arms to pacify his cries.

_“Some people are meant to fall in love with each other but aren’t meant to be together. Now I’m not trying to depreciate what we’ve had, alright? Because being with you will always be one of my most treasured memory. You’re an amazing person, Baek— anyone would be lucky to have you as theirs. You are definitely meant for forever but—“ Yifan sighed as he tightened his arms around him. “... but you’re just not the one for me and it would really be unfair to hog you up when someone out there is meant to stay with you for the rest of your life. Maybe what we have isn’t meant to last for a lifetime but I think the reason God allowed us to happen is to ready us for the one we’re destined to be with.”_

They ended up being great friends— Baekhyun’s even BFFs with Kris’s new boyfriend, Tao, because he soon came to know how hilarious Tao was despite of his scary vibe. The man was so funny that his accent as well as his limited Korean vocabulary never failed to make him laugh. And Jongdae would always glare at them every time he saw them together, his possessive streak was surely just like Chanyeol’s.

Finally out of that crippling pain he once in, Baekhyun began to open himself up— not with dates but with the company of friends. He began going out with his cousin because the latter had been pestering him to watch his boyfriend’s friendly soccer matches. Even though Minseok had already graduated last year, he would still watch and play with the soccer team whenever he’s free.

But what had gotten him eager to watch the games wasn’t Minseok. Well, he did watch it to support his hyung but there’s someone in the team who’s making his heart soar every time the man came to sight— the owner of jersey 7, _Lu Han._

Lu Han was the team captain of SNU’s soccer team. He’s actually from China but had lived most of his life in Seoul. He’s really good with soccer just like how Chanyeol had been during their high school years. He’s down-to-Earth, very modest, and he carried out his role without the position airing his head. He’s also the university’s darling, a favorite face, and everyone’s dream guy. He’d been asked out by a lot of ladies and gents from different colleges already but not one of them had been successful to win his heart over. And Baekhyun wanted to try his luck because _maybe,_ he would be the lucky one Lu Han would say yes to.

 

Today’s the interschool championship game and Baekhyun wouldn’t miss it for the world.

 _“Shit._ Give me a sec, Dae. I forgot my game paraphernalias.”

Baekhyun didn’t wait for his reply as he ran straight toward his room and rummaged his things to find that banner with Lu Han’s number on it. He knew that it was a bit too much to fanboy like that, especially to a guy, but he would think of the repercussions later. For now, his goal was to show the captain his support and if making his throat sore from screaming his lungs out and waving his banner in exaggeration would earn the captain’s attention then so be it.

_“What’s with you and Chinese boys?”_

Baekhyun jumped two feet in the air as the deep voice reached his ears. He was too stunned to think of an answer so he stuttered with a, _“W-What?”_ feeling his cheeks warm with the way Loey was staring at him.

“I asked what do Chinese boys have that made you so _into_ them?” His dimple was beginning to show up as he tried to control his smile from widening.

“Shut up.” The heat began to crawl its way up to Baekhyun’s ears. “What’s with the question anyway?”

“Nothing,” the man smiled teasingly at the other. “I just don’t understand why you’re _extremely_ magnetised by them—“

“What do you mean magnetised by the—” Baekhyun trailed off as the logic finally caught up with him. His eyes widened as soon as the man’s statement began to sink in because he was right, _again. When was he ever wrong anyway?_

Immediately composing himself, Baekhyun narrowed his eyes at him, trying his best not to get distracted by that damn dimple that seemed to amplify the man’s handsome face.

“You sure are _very_ observant, good sir, and I’m beginning to think that you’re stalking me.”

“Well—“ Loey smirked and Baekhyun felt his knees weakened. His eyes slowly roamed all over Baekhyun’s body and the latter blushed furiously at that. “You should be happy if that’s the case though because I’m sure most people would love to have my eyes on them.”

Baekhyun rolled his eyes at the arrogance and the man only chuckled at his reaction.

“I hate to break this to you but there isn’t anything flattering with being stalked— especially by a creepy, old man like you.”

Loey’s eyes widened as he slowly clutched his chest, acting as if he was offended at his comment but the amusement in his eyes seemed to tell otherwise.

“Hey, I’m not that old!” He retorted, his long arms flailing uncoordinatedly. “For your information, I’m just 6 years older than you.”

Baekhyun once again narrowed his eyes at the man.

“How exactly did you know that we’re just 6 years apart? You don’t look 26 to me.”

He was absolutely lying about that. Baekhyun thought that the man only looked like a few years older than him but not to an _ahjussi_ point.

Loey then on directed his attention toward the room’s ceiling, thinking deeply as if it had the answer to his question. Then he returned his eyes at him and sent him an apologetic smile.

“You’re right. I’m not really 26,” he said as his eyes turned softer than before. “I’m actually turning 34 this year.”

Baekhyun wanted to call the man out of his lie but the gentle smile had already worked its way through his heart. There was a fluttering feeling at the pit of his stomach as if hundreds of butterflies were swarming all over his tummy. It wasn’t the first time he had felt something like that but it was weird to feel that way for _something_ that’s not real. The idea made him uncomfortable.

“Ew— So you are a dirty, old man.” Baekhyun playfully glared at the man. “What do you want from me? And why are you feasting on innocent boys like me?”

“Innocent?” His brow raised as his eyes travelled across his body. “I like your confidence, Baekhyunnie. You sure are a sight to behold but— _Feasting_ is for dirty people and I’m not one of them fools who are up to no good and are just playing games.”

Then the man quickly ambled toward his location and levelled his eyes with him. He stared deep into his eyes and sent him a smile that managed to set his heart into overdrive.

“I will never look at you like that, Baekhyunnie, because you are _more_ than that to me.”

_“Byun!”_

When Jongdae entered the room, ready to fight his cousin off, he found him staring at him with eyes a bit bigger than normal and was standing in front of the messy closet, seeming lost and confused.

“What the hell are you mulling about over there? It’s almost 6PM, you douche! Don’t feel so entitled. We’re not VIPs and they’re not gonna wait for us to start the game!”

Jongdae’s voice successfully brought Baekhyun out of his trance. Blinking his eyes rapidly, he tried to compose both himself and his heart because that was a confession, right? _There was no way it wasn’t._

“BYUN BAEKHYUN!”

Once again, Jongdae was yelling and Baekhyun’s ears could no longer tolerate his screaming. He’d have time to reflect on what just happened later but in the meantime, he’d have to attend to his cousin’s needs or else he’d be setting an appointment with an ear specialist by tomorrow.

“Alright. Alright. _Damn you, Kim._ Let’s go.”

 

_“I’m sorry, Baekhyun, but I actually like someone already.”_

As the words reached his ears, Baekhyun felt the need to run away and hide from the rest of the world. He wasn’t really expecting that since the captain had always enjoyed his company every time they were together. They became really close ever since the first time they were introduced to each other and he took that opportunity to his advantage.

Baekhyun thought that Lu Han had approved his intention because he’s been reciprocating his advances with subtle touches here and there, texting until midnight, and even the way he expressed his care for him would make anyone assume that he’s been mutually investing his feelings for Baekhyun. Everyone actually thought that they’re together already so Baekhyun confessed just to officialize whatever they have.

… Which was why when the captain rejected him, he didn’t know what to make of it. He hadn’t readied himself for that because Baekhyun was so sure that Lu Han would agree to go out with him. There had been several moments when the captain seemed to have laid his claim on him but maybe Baekhyun was just delusional… maybe that was all it ever was— that Lu Han was just naturally affectionate and was just really fond of him. And Baekhyun, as the gullible being that he was, had just misinterpreted his actions.

“I’m really flattered that you like me like that but I— I only see you as a brother, Baek. I’m so sorry—“ Baekhyun felt his heart broke to pieces. “I didn’t mean to lead you on. I just thought that I was doing what a _friend_ would have done. I didn’t mean to make you fall for me and I don’t want to hurt you because you’re someone I’ve grown so fond of. You’re special to me, Baekhyun, but not as— _you know_ — as someone I’d want to date.”

Baekhyun finally shed his tears and Lu Han quickly wrapped his arms around him.

“Oh Baekhyun— I’m really so sorry. Please don’t cry anymore… God! I feel so bad right now.” The captain tightened his hold on him as he soothed his back. “You can punch me if you want. Spit on me if you please. Even kick me if you need to— _anything,_ Baek. You can do anything you want just please don’t hate me. I don’t want to lose you because I really treasure our friendship.”

Lu Han cradled his tear-streaked cheeks and gave him a gentle smile.

“I wish I could be that someone for you but I would never take advantage of your feelings, Baek. I mean I like you, yes— who wouldn’t like you? You’re not just all looks and brains but also has a heart worth loving for. But I can’t accept your heart when I’m already in love with someone else. You aren’t meant to be a second choice, to be taken for granted. You are more than that, Baekhyun. You are definitely more than that.”

“Someday, you’re going to meet someone who will match up all the love you’re willing to give. Maybe he won’t be able to give you the world because that’ll be pretty expensive, you know—“ Lu Han chortled but a smile remained on his lips. “But even though he may not offer you the whole universe, he will give you his  _own_ world and you’ll be surprised by how content you’ll feel with just being a part of it.”

Baekhyun only cried harder at the captain’s words but the man was keen on making him feel better. He could feel the sincerity through his arms and the way he was hushing his cries made him feel that the captain was indeed sorry for not returning his love. Lu Han surely was worth the rejection. He was indeed one of the greatest men Baekhyun had ever met.

“Thank you, hyung. You’re really nice.” There was a smile blooming on his lips now. “Even though this didn’t go as I’d planned, I don’t think I’ll ever regret my decision to confess to you. At least now I know how you see me— oh! And tell me, hyung~ Please tell me who’s the lucky person.”

Baekhyun saw the captain’s cheeks reddened but the man pinched his nose to somehow swerve him from that topic.

“You’ll know soon, Baek. I’m planning to tell him soon.”

The captain slowly released the boy from his arms and grinned at him. Baekhyun threw back a soft smile that made the older pinch his cheeks.

“Stop assaulting my cheeks, hyung.” Baekhyun caressed his abused cheeks. “You’re going to make it saggy and I won’t look pretty anymore if that happens. Do you want me to grow old alone? With no one to care for me?”

Lu Han laughed rambunctiously at his complaint and the latter joined in right after. When they finally stopped, the captain placed his hands on both Baekhyun’s shoulders, leaning in to kiss his forehead.

“I have to go now, Baek. But thank you for not taking this against me. I’m so relieved that we’re okay.”

“How could I take this against you when you’re just being honest with me, hyung? If anything, I really appreciate the honesty.”

And then there was a pinch again on his cheeks.

“Ow… _stop doing that, hyung!_ I told you it’ll—“

“It’ll sag up your cheeks. Got it. But I can’t help it, Baek. They’re very— pinchable.” The elder was whining and cooing at the same time and Baekhyun laughed at his childish act.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? And please continue to support our team.” Lu Han took a step back and smiled widely at him. “Having supporters like you pumps up the team’s confidence so thank you for the love, Baekhyun! We are so blessed to have you.”

The captain began walking backwards, giving him a smile that made his heart clench. Baekhyun waved at him with a big smile plastered on his lips but as soon as he turned his back and ran toward the main building, Baekhyun felt the tears filling up the corner of his eyes.

And then there were arms— circling around his waist, gently pulling his body against a sturdy chest. Those arms were already familiar that he didn’t even need to look back to know who it was.

“He was right, you know—“ Loey said as he nuzzled against his hair. “ _We_ are so blessed to have you and I’m so glad that he pointed that one out. Out of all those Chinese boys you’ve liked, I like him the most. He sure does know how to take good care of _my_ Baekhyunnie.”

The possessiveness seeping through the man’s words made Baekhyun remember what happened that early evening. He was sure of what he had heard and he’s determined to get to the bottom of that so he cleared his face from tears and turned toward the man to finally interrogate him.

“ _Your_ Baekhyunnie? Since when have I been yours, you dirty old man?”

Baekhyun dared to joke just to see if the man was willing to talk about what he had said. It was a lame attempt to open up the topic but he just got his heart broken and his mind was still hazy from its aftermath. Mouth filter was the least of his concerns right now.

But then the man let out the biggest and the dopiest smile Baekhyun had ever seen him wore. Despite of his crumbling heart, he couldn't help but appreciate how beautiful a smile really looked on him.

“Well— you could be mine now, if you want?” The man’s tone was teasing and he found himself blushing at his proposal.

“Uh— How about _no?_ You’re what? 33? And I’m like— 20. That’s a 13 years gap, you see, and I have rules on dating. I will never date someone who’s 5 or more years older than me. And you’re like— my uncle already.”

Loey pouted and it was so adorable that Baekhyun had a silent urge to kiss them away.

“That’s mean, Baekhyunnie. How many times do I have to tell you that I’m not that old? 33 isn’t that old, you see. And I was told that I didn’t really look my age.”

“Whoever told you that must’ve been really a good person not to try and offend you.” Baekhyun was trying not to laugh at his jest but seeing the man frown somewhat brought a sudden pang on his chest. He didn’t want to be the cause of that because he liked seeing the man smile.

“That’s really mean, Baekhyunnie, but—“ His lips quirked up in a devilishly beautiful way and Baekhyun suddenly felt like regretting to ever tease the man. “One of these days, you’ll be changing your mind on that because you’ll soon be joining my fan club and you’re going to end up being the president of it.”

Baekhyun stared at him incredulously but the latter only grinned smugly.

“For an old man like you, you sure have the egotism of a teenager. You must be really pleased with yourself if that’s the case then.”

“I actually am,” he replied, chest puffing proudly with a big smile gracing his lips. “My _husband_ is really good with boosting up my confidence. He’s the one who said that, by the way. He told me that it seemed like I had never aged ever since the first time he saw me for I was still that handsome boy he’d met in our town. He also promised never to contribute to my stressors so that I’d never have wrinkles on my face. He’s really a sweet one, my husband.”

“W-Wait. Y-You’re— _married?”_

There was a crack at the delivery of his question and the man instantly noticed it. Unhesitatingly, Loey enveloped him into his arms and tucked him onto his chest.

“Yes, Baekhyunnie, I am. Got hitched 6 years ago. And you’re going to be so shocked once you find out who he is.”

Loey’s laughter used to put him at ease but as of now, Baekhyun found himself focused on how his heart was once again breaking. How could the man ask him to be his when he’s already married? His husband seemed to be an amazing person if Baekhyun were to base his assumptions from the man’s description alone. Why would the man flirt with him when he seemed so happy with his marriage? _How could Loey play his heart like this?_

His tears were on the verge of falling once again but the stranger already knew that. _What didn’t he know about him anyway?_ He seemed to know every single shit about him.

“You’re overthinking again, Baekhyunnie.” He heard the man said but he kept his face hidden onto his chest. “Stop over rationalising things because not everything you assume is the truth.”

The man brushed his knuckles on his cheeks, wiping his tears along with it.

“You know, your favourite colour never really matched you— You’re more of a yellow to me, if I were to be honest. You’re bright, blinding, and a ray of sunshine all the way. You’re happiness and hope in one so I really think Yellow suits you best. Plus it’s really cute when you link my name to yellow too. I like the way you’d say _Yeollow_ and then go laugh your heart out right after. That’s really— adorable.”

Loey chuckled but Baekhyun was too distracted, wondering when was the time he’d called him that stupid name. But then the man’s hands slid on his shoulders and knotted his fingers on his nape, crippling all his thoughts as he shivered at the electricity that cruised his body.

“However, _Blue_ is what best describes your virtues, Baek, for you’ve always been the personification of sincerity, loyalty, and inspiration. I think I’ve mentioned this to you before— how amazing you’re going to be in the future but let me put a little more emphasis on that, can I?”

“I’m not allowed to tell you this but I want to give you something to look forward to.” Loey backed away a little and thumbed up the tears that were still rolling down his cheeks. “You don't need to worry your pretty little head about the future ‘cause it's all going to be good. And—" he said, smiling so widely. "... it’s almost time, Baekhyunnie, You’re about to meet _him_ soon— the man who’ll make a big impact in your life. He’s a bit awkward, clumsy, and has the corniest ways of expressing his feelings but he’ll change— he’ll most definitely change because of you, Baekhyunnie. You’ll be the reason why he’ll end up being a better version of himself.”

“He won’t be perfect so don’t raise your expectations too high, okay?” He chuckled, his knuckles lingering on his cheek. “But he’ll always keep you in his heart and will love _only_ you until his last breath.”

Baekhyun closed his eyes for he couldn’t take the intensity of the man’s gaze on him. His words were too much for him that he could feel his heart mending itself from its pain. That was a decent promise he’d like to believe in and how he wished that the someone the man was talking about would soon come and find him.

“Why do you always show up whenever I’m sad?”

“Because that’s when you need me the most.”

“How do you know though? That it’s the time for you to show up?”

Loey grinned widely, his eyes had that certain fondness again that made Baekhyun wonder how he really looked in his eyes. It was like they were made to look only at him.

 _“A diary,”_ he said. “That’s how I get here. It’s my ticket to see you.”

Baekhyun’s brows furrowed because that didn’t make sense. How could a diary make him appear when devastation was about to consume him?

“What do you mean by that?”

The man’s smile froze as he lowered his eyes to the ground. He looked as if he was ashamed to have admitted that he was looking at someone’s private things. Rubbing the back of his neck nervously, he said, “I sure did get an earful from reading that though but you’ll know someday, Baekhyunnie, and I’d rather not spoil the best part.”

Baekhyun pursed his lips and that made the man giggle. He had no idea what he was talking about but when did he even made sense? He was starting to believe that it was Loey’s life goal to confuse the heck out of him.

“Okay, fine. I don’t think you’d tell me anything anyway no matter how much I pry it ou—“

_“Hey, B—"_

Baekhyun whipped his head so fast that he feared he’d be having a stiff neck from the sudden action. He knew that voice— that deep, husky, and fucking familiar voice he’d recognise in a heartbeat.

“C-Chanyeol?”

Trying to regain his composure, Baekhyun cleared his throat and exhaled a thorough breath to calm his wild heart. And then he felt a gentle squeeze on his hand, making his head shot up to look at Loey— who was _still_ beside him with a gentle smile on his lips. When he looked back at his best friend, he found him smiling, in the same gentle way as Loey's, as he kept on looking at him and _only_ him.

 _And maybe it was a trick of light that made him see certain things he had never given thought of before— features that fused the two men together_ because as he looked to and fro his best friend and his imaginary friend, he found himself tearing up as the pieces finally connect with each other.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost, B— ”

Then Chanyeol smiled— _the same smile he’d seen on Loey_ and he’d been given countless of it not to recognise it anymore— not to identify the _similarity_ between the two smiles— the twitching at the corners of their eyes and that teeth-rich grin. Loey and Chanyeol’s smile were definitely the same.

Baekhyun held his chest as his eyes roamed around the entirety of his best friend’s face and drew in a long breath. The other was no longer wearing his glasses and with his eyes on display, Baekhyun could now see how identical they were from Loey’s— how huge and expressive they were, reflecting not only their souls but also their feelings. They were gleaming even without being touched by the light.

“H-How the f-fuck—“

 _“Baekhyunnie—“_ The man beside him whispered as he once again squeezed his hand. “This is actually the part where you’ll run into my arms and tell me how much you’ve missed me.”

And it was like he was compelled to do that because he immediately zoomed his way toward Chanyeol's and before he could finally jump into his arms, he took a moment to look back to where Loey was and saw him smiling at him as the moon highlighted his existence. He was indeed ethereal and Baekhyun wanted to cry at how beautiful he looked like under the pale moon.

Then he launched himself into Chanyeol’s arms as soon as it was safe to do so, the other only laughed as he secured his hold around him. Baekhyun tucked his face onto his chest, taking in that manly scent he’d missed so much and mumbled an _‘I’ve missed you,’_ eliciting a big smile from the other man.

“I’ve missed you too, B. I told you I’d come back, didn’t I? Now guess who’s going to enroll here this coming school year?”

Baekhyun leaned back a little as Chanyeol began to rummage something from his bag. And when he finally found it, he waved a piece of paper in his face and wiggled his eyebrows teasingly. Chanyeol was once again smiling with his dimple out in the open and Baekhyun wanted to punch himself for being so stupid not to recognise that dimple sooner.

Then Chanyeol leaned his forehead onto his and cradled both of his cheeks.

“I’ll be staying for good now B, so let’s make the most out of our last year in college, shall we? I promise we’ll _always_ be together from now on.”

 

 


	3. SOMETHING TO HOPE FOR

 

Instead of feeling excited over his wedding, Baekhyun found himself drowning with both anxiety and frustration because _one,_ he hadn’t found the perfect gift for his soon-to-be-husband and _two,_ he hadn’t written his vows yet.

Being one of the highly sought for artists in the country wasn’t a walk in the park. He had just released a new album consisting of 8 original songs, songs screaming about his love for the man he couldn’t wait to spend forever with. This would be the last for now since he wanted to dedicate his time with his personal life— to his _fiancé,_ who had been complaining about his lost of time for him. The man had always been supportive of him, had encouraged him whenever he’s out of passion, and even though he really did understand the extent of his work, he was right about Baekhyun’s time, being mostly consumed by work. Baekhyun still couldn’t help but to feel guilty over his preoccupation.

After Baekhyun graduated from university, he had undergone rigorous training from the number 1 talent agency in Seoul, _Park Entertainment,_ and six months after his hard work, he debuted as a solo singer. And for the past 3 years, Baekhyun’s daily schedule had been jam packed with not only photo shoots and recording sessions but also with endorsement meetings left and right. Baekhyun’s life had been a mess since then that he even had no time to take a breather, let alone, had the leisure to eat his lunch on time. The job he had was demanding, exhausting him to a point where he couldn’t even go home early to see his fiancé.

 _Speaking of fiancé_ — the man was a gem, a keeper, and one of a kind. He’s the CEO and also one of the best composers at Park Entertainment. Despite of being swamped with work, he still had the time to write songs for him, his chart-toppers were mostly composed by him. And it was fascinating that he’s still able to do his responsibilities both at work and at home. Baekhyun even heard that he had already _finished_ his wedding vows last week— which all the more made him feel distressed. He hadn’t had the time to sit down and write his and as much as he didn’t want to, he couldn’t help but blame his work for keeping him busy.

It’s not that artist had no idea on what to write because he actually _knew_ what he wanted to say. But every time he tried to scribble down something, he would find himself overwhelmed with a thousand and one emotions— all the love he has for the man could be felt in every fiber of his being. Baekhyun’s just so in love with his fiancé and there would never be a time he wouldn’t be enamoured.

It’s funny that he was struggling with writing his vows when he was never lost for words. In fact, it had always been his strength— that he could even write a whole song in just one sitting. But then writing vows were so much different— especially if the person you’re trying to write about had always been _it_ for you.

So today, Baekhyun decided to ditch his cousin’s invitation of dinner just to make the most out of his fiancé's absence. The man was scheduled to have his last-fling-before-the-ring party tonight and would be home by mornight, according to his best man, Sehun. Knowing how low the other’s alcohol tolerance was, Baekhyun had been reluctant to give his permission but he didn’t want to be a kill joy and ruin all the fun for him so he still let him go to enjoy his last week of being single. Besides, there was no way he could say no to that persistent friend of his.

Baekhyun was now sitting on their couch with a pen and paper on his lap. The turntable was turned on with Eric Benet, singing at his background. He started scrawling down a few words but ended up deleting every word he had written. They were teeth rotting, cringe-worthy, and weren’t the exact words to express what he was meaning to say and he was trying to avoid anything cheesy because this was a _declaration_ of his promise, his personalised reminder that would lead him back to his beloved every time things went astray. This was sacred to him and he would do anything to make it perfect.

Just as he was about to write another word, he felt something poking his left thigh. There was a sharp material, hidden in between the armrest and the space he was sitting on so he gently pulled it out and was surprised to see that familiar black, leatherette notebook. It was one of Byun Baekhyun’s treasures— _his diary._

 

>>•<<

 

_**October 5, 2014** _

_**I hope you’re here to stay** _  
_**because my heart really really likes you**_

 

 _“I heard you’re getting married…”_ Came a voice beside him and he nearly staggered at the nearness of it so Baekhyun’s reaction was instantaneous— his right hand flew across the nearest body part of the man, hitting him for all his worth.

“ _Ouch, Baek!_ That hurts!” The man was pouting as he continuously nursed the abused arm.

“Nice of you to finally show up, _Loey-ssi…_ ”

Said man had been nowhere in sight ever since that night the bomb had been dropped— _and that was 6 years ago already._ Baekhyun could still remember how lost he had been back then because he had a lot of questions and things he'd wanted to say. He wanted to know more about the whole crazy situation he was in because at some point, he had a _bad_ feeling about it.

For the past years, he persistently researched about time travel but he hadn't found any groundbreaking inventions that could possibly make that happen as of date. Everything he'd read about gave him a migraine _— Einstein's theory of relativity, wormholes, the different paradoxes, loop _—__  because the topic was just so overwhelming, it was something out of his scope of understanding.

So in the end, he gave up on studying about it and settled on accepting that no matter how inconceivable the existence of Loey was in his life,  _he_  happened and as otherworldly as it was— the universe allowed him to _travel_ back in time. But for what reason, Baekhyun wasn’t sure if he wanted to know or if he was ready to know why. 

Loey’s absence somehow made him feel uneasy— like his whole world suddenly tipped off for inexplicable reasons. It was as if there was something missing in his life that he couldn’t fathom for Baekhyun had always had him ever since he was young. Loey had always been his rock, ready to nurse him back to life whenever he’s down. He had already been a constant figure in his life that it felt so natural for him to worry for his sudden disappearance which somehow brought depression on him but lucky for him, Chanyeol’s right there to anchor him back to his safe ground.

“Aww— Come here, Baekhyunnie...”

Loey tried to gather Baekhyun into his arms but the latter stepped back and glared at the elder. The man frowned at his reaction.

“I’m here now so please don’t be mad anymore. I have my reasons, you see— and it’s valid even though I know you won’t accept it.”

Baekhyun’s eyes narrowed at him.

“Mind telling me what those reasons are then?”

There was a smile beginning to tiptoe onto his lips and Baekhyun cursed inwardly with the way his heart fluttered at the sight of that.

“Well for start, _someone_ told me not to intervene too much,” he said, pinching Baekhyun’s cheeks which the latter quickly retaliated with a slap on his chest, making the elder pout in return. “... I was told to let nature run its course.”

Loey’s pout intensified and Baekhyun tried his hardest not to coo at how adorable it looked like on him.

“So I let _junior_ play that round, you see— gotta make sure he knows how to _up_ his game because as far as I’m concerned, that’s _his_ job not mine.”

If this was a cartoon scene, Baekhyun would’ve probably be blowing steams off of his ears and nose.

“Was this all just a game to you? Did you know how much I’d racked my brains out just to deal with this crazy situation you’d put me through?”

The man immediately bowed his head in shame.

“I’m sorry, Baekhyu—“

“That’s a bit too late now, don’t you think?”

Baekhyun’s tears began to accumulate at the corners of his eyes and the man slowly neared him and folded him up in his arms.

“You told me you’d know when I needed you— but where were you when I was drowning with my own thoughts, almost believing that I only hallucinated you into being? Where were you when I was wishing for someone to talk to about this because I thought I would go nuts in the head if I kept it all to myself?”

Baekhyun was shaking and a sobbing mess by the time he’s done baring his feelings and the latter only kept him in his arms, embracing him tighter. So when the cries had gone quiet and he finally relaxed into the man's warmth, Loey began his explanation.

“I’m sorry if that was how it went for you but it was my _husband’s_ request not to meddle with your fate, Baekhyunnie, and I was in no position to disregard his pleas.” He whispered over the top of his head. “He said that I had already cheated long enough and he wanted to see how things will work out without me, nosing into it.”

Loey sighed as he buried more of his face into the other’s hair. “I wanted so bad to go and check on you, Baekhyunnie, because I was worried, _really_ worried about how you’re taking the whole situation. But then I realised that Junior’s there with you. I know that he won’t let me down— that he’ll take good care of you and will never leave you on your own.”

“You have to understand why I _had_ to take some time off of being around you because if I stayed, I'd be a hindering what's in store for you in the future. I would never leave you by choice, Baekhyunnie. Like I said, it was my husband’s idea to leave it to destiny and he had never been wrong, I tell you. He also told me that this would happen— that I had to be ready since _he_ already knew that you’d get mad at me for leaving. But he also told me that you would forgive me when you finally figure things out on your own.”

Baekhyun tore himself away from the man’s arms and looked at him repentantly because Loey was right— and _so_ was his husband. It had been hard on him to piece the puzzle together but his absence during the time Chanyeol came back made all things better for him, _for them._

“I just want to know why you’re here— Why you keep coming back because I’m not stupid, you know. I know something happened to me that’s why you keep on coming back.”

Loey put on a smile but it had traces of sadness and longing into it. It made his guts churn uncomfortably to see how the man was trying to conceal his desolation— like something _dreadful_ was about to happened to him and Baekhyun was beginning to doubt if he really wanted to know the reason behind it.

“Nothing’s going to happen to you, Baekhyunnie. I promise you that. And I’m here now because you need me.”

“Really now?” Baekhyun challenged. “What made you think I needed you now?”

“Because I’m your personal memory bank and I think that I can be of big help to what you’re doing…”

The man wiggled his brows as he pointed at the empty sheet of paper on his lap. There’s a teasing smile on his lips which made his dimple show and Baekhyun really hated seeing that stupid dent on his cheek because it never failed to make his heart melt— in the same way his fiancé's dimple did to his heart.

“I think I can manage and you still haven’t answered my questions—“

Baekhyun frowned and the man snickered at the gesture.

“Aren’t you supposed to be writing something, Baekhyunnie?”

“You’re trying to distract me again.” He said with a pout. “Why won’t you just answer me? Are my questions too hard to answer?”

That made the man laugh and Baekhyun was so happy to hear that sound again. He had definitely missed it.

“It’s actually not, Baekhyunnie, but I just don’t want to ruin things for you.”

Baekhyun once again pursed his lips as the man attempted to bite his cheek to which he dodged immediately.

“That’s gross! I can’t believe I used to like you.”

_“Used to?”_

There was a challenge in his tone along with a teasing smile and Baekhyun found himself blushing over it. But he quickly recovered and once again schooled his face into a blank one.

“Yeah. _Used to._ Do you have a problem with that?”

Loey bit his lips to contain his smile but then there’s that dimple again trying to woo him out of his anger.

“He has a dimple too, Baek. So _no—_ you didn’t really miss mine.”

“I am not loo—“

“You can deny it all you want but I know that you’ve always loved my dimple, Baekhyunnie. Plus— you’ve been staring at it ever since I showed up.”

It was his eyes's fault for giving him away. No matter how much he’d tried to staved off of Loey's dimple, it would always glue itself back to it. And Baekhyun wanted to slap his face for being so obvious about that.

“So how is he, Baekhyunnie? _How do you find my junior?”_

 

Park Chanyeol had changed a lot when they got together— a 360-degrees change that also made heads turn 360 every time he passed by a crowd during their last year in college. He’s not that boy anymore who was a big joke to everyone but turned out to be one of the most popular guy in campus for having a face that was more than enough to swoon any gender.

Chanyeol lost all those baby fats he used to have when he was younger and it did him really good, judging by how everyone in school seemed to have those stupid heart eyes every time he’s walking down the hallway. He’d also developed those irritating _(only in Baekhyun's opinion)_ muscles which fitted his curves impeccably and because of that, he’d gotten a hefty amount of confessions every day from different ladies in every damn college. He’d also been the source of envy by those jocks from different teams in university. Park Chanyeol was aging like a fine wine and Baekhyun didn't know if he liked that or not.

Baekhyun remembered how much he’d glared at his fans for hoarding the taller’s attention. They would annoyingly throw themselves at his best friend to a point where it's borderline cheap and embarrassing already. But Chanyeol was the perfect gentleman. He would politely decline their advances, thank them for their kind words, and told them he’s already had _someone_ whom he liked.

 

Baekhyun scowled at the still-smiling man but he decided to bit his tongue and humour him since he’d never know when this visit would be over. If there’s one thing constant in Loey’s visits, it was that they were always _limited._

There were a lot of ways on how to answer his question but what Baekhyun ended up saying was, “He may have changed a lot over the years we weren’t together but it was nice to see some remnants of the bumbling mess of a guy he’d been especially when he’s somewhat— _troubled._ ”

        

_During their last year in college, Baekhyun and Chanyeol ended up rooming together._

_“B! Where are you?”_

_Chanyeol’s voice echoed across their shared bedroom and Baekhyun immediately hopped out of his bed to meet him halfway._

_“Would you tone down your voice, Yeol? God! You’re disturb—”_

_“Why are you still not dressed?”_

_The taller’s eyes wandered throughout his body and Baekhyun fought the urge to blush because what the fuck was Chanyeol doing, checking him out?_

_“Did you check your phone? I sent you a message, didn’t I?”_

_Baekhyun hadn’t actually checked his phone yet since he was busy trying to think about Loey’s whereabouts. He heard it pinged a while ago but he was too lazy to look over it._

_“Stop spacing out, B! We’re running late for our reservation.” There was a certain glimmer of nervousness in his eyes that Baekhyun couldn’t understand but he also looked excited at the same time. “Come on. Let’s get you all dressed up.”_

 

_And by dressing up meant that Chanyeol made a reservation to a well-known restaurant called, **Viva Polo.** _

_Baekhyun was really surprised at the grand gesture because getting a reservation from said restaurant was rumoured to be difficult. And there wasn’t even an occasion for them to dine in there. October had just started and Chanyeol’s birthday was still a month away so why were they having dinner at the reputable restaurant?_

_“Order anything you want, B! My treat!”_

_Baekhyun only stared at him instead of the menu on his hand._

_“Yeol, what are we doing here? And how the hell did you get a reservation here?”_

_The taller only smiled at him and waved at the waiter._

_“I’ll have the premium lasagna and a glass of wine.” He closed the menu and snickered at the way Baekhyun’s eyes were slowly growing its size. “How about you, B? What are you having?”_

_The waiter turned to face him with a gentle smile on his lips._

_“I-I’ll have what he’s having.”_

_The waiter gave them a nod, informed them of the serving time and told them that if they would need anything, he would be delighted to be of service. As soon as he’s gone, Baekhyun returned his attention to Chanyeol._

_“Are you crazy? Can’t you see how many zeroes there are in every food at their menu? Why are we here, Yeol? It’s really expensive here.” He was whisper-yelling but the other was just smiling at him. “If you don’t tell me why we’re here, I will walk out on you and leave you here alone, Park Chanyeol. Don’t dare me.”_

_The taller pouted and he looked so ridiculous acting so childishly in a suit. **Yes.** The bastard was wearing a suit and **so** was Baekhyun._

_“Now spit it out— tell me why the hell are you dressed to the nines, got me wearing the same stupid suit, and dragged me here to eat at this prestigious restaurant.”_

_“Can we enjoy our dinner first then talk later?”_

_The pout was now exaggerated._

_Baekhyun’s phone pinged and there was a message from his cousin. He contemplated on reading it now or dismissing it for later— thinking that it was just his usual stupid messages but then he accidentally pressed the button twice, making him see the whole message._

**_Don’t pull the scaredy cat shit on Chanyeol tonight or I’ll give both of your tiny eyes a black eye._** _*_ _What the fuck is this idiot talking about?*_

_“Is that Jongdae?”_ _Chanyeol was smiling but there was a certain kind of anxiousness in his eyes. Baekhyun’s curiosity was now at its peak. "_ _W-What did he say?”_

_“Something you’re supposed to be telling me—“ Baekhyun raised a brow at him. “What is going on, Yeol?”_

_“I’ll tell you later, B. I promise.”_

_Baekhyun was sulking because he had no idea what was going on. He felt left out because wasn’t he supposed to be Chanyeol’s best friend? Then why did Jongdae know about this and he didn’t?_

_He was busy nursing his ‘best friend’ pride, with a deep frown on his lips, that he ignored the food that was being served in front of him._

_“Stop frowning, B. I already promised to tell you later so let’s go eat our hearts out first then we’ll talk.”_

_So Baekhyun ate silently as he pondered over what was going on. He was beginning to think that something happened and that Chanyeol was just 'conditioning' him first before dropping the awful news to him. He suddenly wished that Loey was there because he definitely **knew** what was going on._

_“How’s your pasta, B? Is it good?”_

_Baekhyun gave him a blank stare._

_“It tastes like how yours does so don’t ask me.”_

_Chanyeol frowned at the sarcasm but he didn’t let that spoil his mood. He chose to grin at his best friend and reached for his hand._

_“Mine tastes really great and I hope you find yours the same.”_

_Baekhyun glared at him and the latter flinched at the intensity of it. He slowly retracted his hand off of his and let out an audible sigh._

_“Alright, alright,” he lifted his hands in surrender. “The reason why we’re having dinner here tonight was because I— I was p-planning on— askingyouout?”_

_Baekhyun stared at him like he’s talking in a different language._

_“I mean, I—” Chanyeol exhaled, closing his eyes to avoid the other’s questioning stare. “I’ve b-been wanting to do t-this ever since we got together— to officially a-ask you out.”_

_Baekhyun didn’t know if he heard it correctly but before he could confirm, Chanyeol stretched both of his hands to find his and with a deep breath, he said, “Byun Baekhyun, if I’m still not that obvious about how I feel about you then allow me to tell you now that I’m in love with you— I’ve always been and always will be and there hasn’t been a day I wasn’t. I’ve never felt this strong for anyone except you.”_

_Baekhyun blinked his eyes rapidly and as he did, a tear rolled down his cheeks because he suddenly remembered how he wanted to tell Chanyeol of his feelings when they were younger. Of how hard it was to ditch his feelings out just because he didn’t want to lose him. It was hard to remain friends with someone you’ve fallen in love with but with what was unfolding before him now, Baekhyun thought that the struggle was worth it._

_Chanyeol untangled his hand from his and gently wiped the tear off of his face, his hand lingered on his cheek._

_“You don’t have to answer now, B. I can wait. I’ve been waiting already so what’s a few more of waiting?” Chanyeol laughed heartily. “So no pressure, B. Just— tell me how you feel and hey—” his hand slid all the way up to his cheeks. “It’s okay if you don’t want this too. I promise I won’t get mad at you. Of course it’ll suck big time if ever you don’t like me but I-I’m not going to f-force my feelings on you. If you don’t want to do this, then—“_

_“Chanyeol, you’re blabbering.”_

_There was a smile on Baekhyun’s lips as Chanyeol slowly focused his eyes on him. Baekhyun couldn’t help but laugh at how red his cheeks had gotten._

_“You’re an idiot, Park Chanyeol! But I’ll tell you why some other time because tonight is all about you— and your overdue confession.” Baekhyun’s cheeks were beginning to hurt from smiling too much. “So listen here, you dork— I’m going to answer your question now ‘cause what’s the use of prolonging this when I've always felt the same way about you?”_

_The smile was immediate on Chanyeol’s lips as his eyes shone as if he was staring at the night sky and the view was reflecting on them._

_“Y-You r-really mean that, B? You w-want this too? I mean— that’s g-great and— sh—sheep! This isn’t what I was expecting—“_

_Baekhyun chuckled at how awkward Chanyeol looked like— he’s definitely a frazzled basket of nerves and he wanted to laugh at how he tried not to curse._

_At the same time, Baekhyun’s heart also soften upon seeing the happiness on Chanyeol’s face— he’s like a mix between an overexcited puppy who kept on going around circles, waiting for his master to throw the ball away and a child, who couldn’t wait to open his presents. Baekhyun realised he’d like to see more of this Chanyeol in the future._

_“What were you expecting then?” Baekhyun forked a piece of his leftover pasta and stared at the now-getting-shy boy in front of him._

_“Well, I thought that you’re still not ready to date since— you know, after the Lu Han thing.” Chanyeol dipped his head and bit his lip. “But I hoped, B— I hoped so much that you’d give me a chance because I really really want to show you how much you deserve to be treasured.”_

_And with a rectangular smile on his lips, Baekhyun hovered his hand over the other’s, gripping it tightly just to tell him he’s ready now— that he’s giving **them** a chance to happen._

_“Well, I hope you’re in this for a long time then, Park Chanyeol, because my heart really really likes you and it will be devastated if you’re not planning on staying.”_

 

_When they got back to their dorm, Baekhyun was already a bit drunk from all the wine he had consumed so Chanyeol led him to his room and helped him out of his suit as he complained about how itchy the collar part of his dress shirt had been all night. The taller just laughed at his grumbling as he lay him down to his bed, pulling up the blanket all the way to his chest and sat down next to him._

_“Thank you for taking a chance on me, B,” he whispered and there’s a soft smile surfacing on his lips. “I won’t promise that I'm not going to hurt you because I definitely will since I’m really new to this but—“ he slid his fringe away from his face. “I promise I won’t intentionally hurt you, I’ll try my hardest not to. And I will do my very best to make you the happiest guy in the world.”_

 

“ _That’s my boy!_ I knew he could do it!”

Loey was beaming proudly and Baekhyun only rolled his eyes at him.

“Took him long enough to ask me out though.”

“At least he felt the _same_ way, Baekhyunnie. Told you, didn’t I? And yet you didn’t take my advise the last time. You could’ve been happy way back then already if you weren’t being stubborn.”

Baekhyun shrugged but there’s a soft smile on his lips he’d been trying to hide. _Life is funny that way, I guess._

“But you were really cute that day though—" Loey said. "... trying to act furious even when deep down you were really nervous on what was going on.”

Baekhyun averted his eyes and prayed to the Gods that his face wasn’t betraying him but then there's a warmth crawling up to his ears and he's beginning to believe that he could never trust his body in anything.

“You know I hated being kept in the dark,” He retorted with a glare. “But I’ve learned to deal with it since both of you excel in that area.”

“Is that so?” The man arched his brow in amusement. “And what else, Baekhyunnie? What else do we have in common? Care to share?”

“How about no?”

_“Baekhyunnie~”_

Loey whined and Baekhyun couldn’t decide if it was annoying or adorable but he knew that it was more of the latter.

“I never really had the chance to ask you this but what do you think of me, Baek? How was I as— as you know, as a _partner?"_

There was an uncertainty behind his tone as if all the confidence in his body had drained out of him. Baekhyun had never heard the man this unsure before. He couldn’t understand why his impressions of him would matter so much to him.

As a punishment for his disappearing act, Baekhyun decided to take advantage of the situation since it was really hard to catch the man this unpoised.

_“A clumsy idiot.”_

Loey frowned and a pout eventually surfaced on his lips.

“How come the younger version of you is so mean when the future you’s the kindest I’ve ever met?”

Baekhyun smirked at the complaint.

“ _Excuse you, good sir,_ but I’ve _always_ been kind to you—“ And then Baekhyun’s smile slowly dropped as a thought entered his mind. “... Can you tell me how will I be in the future? And will we stay toge—“

“I’m sorry, Baekhyunnie, but I really can’t say much.” The man moved closer to him and slowly placed a hand over his, his free hand gently tilting his chin up. The way he was staring at him immediately switched on the fluttering in his tummy. “We don’t want to blow up the whole world now, do we? But just like what I always tell you, there’s no need for you to worry about the future because it’s all gonna be good. You’re going to be someone amazing one could ever have and—“

Loey paused and little by little, a soft smile blossomed on his lips.

“I’ll only love you— _till death do us part._ ”

 

>>•<<

 

_**January 26, 2015** _

_**I promise to fight with you** _  
_**with or without anything to remind me of that promise.** _

 

Baekhyun was enjoying one of his free days from work when Loey once again appeared out of nowhere, ruining his so-called _me_ time.

“So tell me why I’m a clumsy idiot, Baekhyunnie…” He said as he sat beside him on the bed. “Because I honestly _don’t_ remember being one.”

“Well, hello to you too, Loey-ssi.”

The sarcasm was dripping on every word but Baekhyun continued on what he was doing without sparing him a glance. He was too busy reading about something he’s been researching on for days and was very much keen on learning about _those_ _things_ just so he could take care of the one his fiancé had bought for him as a ‘studio-warming’ gift for his workplace at Gangnam.

Baekhyun never really understood why the man had continuously bought them when it always made him depressed whenever they die on him and it would somehow annoy him, seeing how he was moping around over their loss. The guy never really outgrew his emotional affinity for pets.

He was still concentrating on his reading that he didn’t feel the sudden shift on the bed and a face nearing his.

“Well, that’s interesting—”

Baekhyun almost threw his laptop because the man— speaking directly to his ears with his breath tickling his cheeks, was something difficult to get used to. And if Loey noticed his shock, he decided not to mention it and just continued ogling at whatever’s there on the screen.

“I never pegged you to be a _fish_ guy, Baekhyunnie.”

Baekhyun immediately shut his laptop and glared at the man.

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re annoyingly nosy?” The man laughed so hard that Baekhyun could feel the mattress shaking along with every sound that escaped from his lips.

“Don’t you have work to do? Or is bothering me your _main_ job? I swear to God! You really are a creepy old man.” Loey didn’t stop laughing as his eyes started to mist up.

“Now that I think about it— no one ever told me that except you.”

“Maybe because I’m the only one you like to bother so much.” The man bit his lips just to keep a smile from coming out and _that_ was the confirmation Baekhyun needed. “So _I am_ the only one you bother, huh?”

“Not maybe, Baekhyunnie— You really are the _only_ one I bother because it’s only you who, I came ba— _Oopps—_ “ His eyes widened as his hand flew straight to his mouth. “I’m not supposed to say that…”

“Why do you keep saying things that you have no plans of elaborating?” Baekhyun scowled at the man who in turn only grinned widely. “That just makes me even more curious, you know— and I hate it when I’m not given answers.”

“You’re going to have them someday, Baekhyunnie. You’ve got to be patient because it’s all going to be worth it. I promise you that.” Loey gave him a warm and gentle smile, just like how Baekhyun always liked it. “That’s actually sweet of you— going to great lengths just to make your fiancé happy. You really want to keep that fish alive, don’t you?”

Baekhyun rolled his eyes to dispel the warmth that was beginning to crawl out of his skin.

“Because it’s annoying to see the clumsy idiot sulking…”

His answer made the other beam widely with his teeth full on display.

“Do you mind re-telling how I got the name clumsy idiot then, Baekhyunnie? Because it’s actually one of my most favourite memories.”

         

_Baekhyun had just gotten through the front door when he heard someone trying to stifle their cries from the kitchen area. So he trudged through the hallway and what he saw in the middle of it was his boyfriend, kneeling on the floor with both of his socks damp from the liquid pooling at his feet._

_“I’m so sorry—“ he heard him say. “I’m so so sorry. I didn’t mean to kill you—“_

_Baekhyun was confused because what was his idiot of a boyfriend talking about when there wasn’t any blood he could see anywhere? Who did he kill then?_

_“I’m so sorry,” he once again said as he shook his head sideways. “I didn’t mean to sl—_

_“Yeol?“_

_Baekhyun saw him tensed up but then slowly turned his head at him and despite of the tears running down his cheeks, relief seemed to have been painted on his face the moment his eyes met his._

_“It’s **B,** Baek— I killed him.”_

 

_B was actually Baekhyun’s betta fish which Chanyeol had impulsively bought as a gift for their 100 days of being a couple. He could still remember how they received a lot of glares that day when his tower of a boyfriend suddenly stopped walking in the middle of the street, blocking several people from passing by. Chanyeol’s attention was hoarded by something inside a pet store— something of a royal blue colour, with long fins and tails, that would gracefully swish every time it swam. Baekhyun had to hit his arm just to draw him back to the present and when Chanyeol finally realised what was happening around them, he quickly lowered his head in shame as he uttered words of apology to those who were still scowling at them. Baekhyun fought the urge to laugh and squeezed his boyfriend's shoulder, who in return, gave him a bashful smile. And then he heard him say, **‘** I think that fish should come home with us, Baek. ‘Cause it seemed like it needed someone like you in its lonely life.’ So the next thing Baekhyun knew, they were trudging back to their dorm with a new roommate at hand._

_A fish wasn’t what Baekhyun had expected for a gift but when Chanyeol pulled him into his arms the moment they got inside their dorm and whispered, ‘This is also called a fighting fish, Baek— and this will serve as a reminder for us to fight our way to forever,' Baekhyun found himself grinning _—_ as huge as the taller's _—_ as he accepted his new pet._

 

_“I— I don’t know what happened, Baek. I just— slipped and B w-went along with me…” Baekhyun panicked when his eyes zoned into the shards of glass scattered around him and immediately checked if his boyfriend was hurt. He let out a breath of relief when he’s sure that Chanyeol wasn’t injured anywhere. “Even though I know that he can withstand being out of the water for a certain period of time, he’s still a fish that needs to be in its environment. So I hurriedly stood up and looked around but I— I didn’t know he was near my foot so when I took a s-step...”_

_Baekhyun quickly pulled the man into him and the latter was quick to give in, crying his eyes out as he sought for the comfort those proffered arms always promised._

_“Sshh—“ Baekhyun’s hands paced to and fro his boyfriend’s back. “It’s okay, Yeol. Don’t cry.”_

_“But it’s dead, Baek. B’s dead and I was the one who killed it. I’m a monster.”_

_Baekhyun wanted to laugh at the ‘monster’ part because seriously— how innocent could his boyfriend get when he didn’t really mean to step on the poor thing. Chanyeol was just that clumsy, with both of his arms and legs uncoordinated and would literally break anything within its reach. He would even trip over on his own even though there wasn’t anything loitering around. He may be one of the most gorgeous guys in university but no one actually knew that he also happened to be a recipe for disaster._

_And as previously stated, Chanyeol never really outgrew his emotional attachment for animals which Baekhyun never really understood why. He would always find him talking to it as if it were a person or would laugh at it whenever he was teaching it some good new tricks. ‘Yes, Baek. Bettas can learn tricks.’ He would even spend most of his free time on it than him, resulting into a grumpy pants out of Baekhyun._

_But then Baekhyun loved seeing their interaction— how Chanyeol’s eyes would light up whenever it was interacting with it, a soft smile trained on his tiny friend. No matter how much he envied the attention his boyfriend gave to his pet, he wouldn’t deny the love he had developed for it just because it never failed to unleash a soft Chanyeol he had grown to adore._

_And now that Chanyeol’s crying in front of him, Baekhyun couldn’t help but pity him for every sob that escaped his mouth. No matter how ridiculous the situation was, Baekhyun knew that he had to think of something to cheer him up. It was his job anyway as Chanyeol’s boyfriend._

_“I’ll get you a new one—“_

_Chanyeol shook his head. “But I don’t want a new one. He’s not B, Baek. He can never be replaced. It’s just like asking me to replace you.”_

_Baekhyun didn’t know what to feel about that but what he was sure of was that it somehow made him feel pleased. And as much as he was itching to tease the boy for what he just said, he knew that this wasn’t the right time to do so. Chanyeol needed to be consoled and Baekhyun would gladly do it in a heartbeat— even if he’d make a fool out of himself._

_“No other fish can replace B, Yeol That’s absurd. He’s the only one in this world.” Baekhyun internally cringed at how corny he came out to be but he ignored the feeling because Chanyeol’s feelings were more important than his ego. “I may have been rude to it, teased it a lot, but I really like that thing…”_

_Chanyeol leaned back and pouted at him. He never really liked his pet being called a thing._

_“His colour’s my favourite, did you know?” Baekhyun immediately followed up when he saw the frown on his boyfriend’s face. “Blue is my favourite colour.”_

_He could now see Chanyeol’s lips quirking up a little._

_“I know, Baek. I know blue's your favourite colour that’s why I chose him out of all those vibrantly-coloured fighting fishes at the pet store because he reminded me of you.”_

_Baekhyun glared at the his boyfriend._

_“So I look like a fish— is that what you’re saying?”_

_And then Chanyeol finally laughed, his eyes now had their usual sparkle._

_“No, Baek. You’re prettier tha— shoot!” His eyes widen as he covered his mouth. “B wouldn’t take offence on what I just said, would he?”_

_Baekhyun was secretly delighting at the sight of his cute boyfriend. Who would have thought that someone as giant as him would be this soft?_

_“I don’t even think he heard you, babe.”_

_That earned him a slap on his arm to which Chanyeol gently soothed right after and then Baekhyun was pulled into an embrace so he snuggled further and hid his face at the crook of the taller's neck._

_“I’ll get you a new one—“ Baekhyun mumbled as he crossed his arms around Chanyeol's waist. “And I’ll get you a yellow one this time and we’ll call it Yeollow....”_

 

“I can’t believe I got the _Yeollow_ idea from you.”

Loey dissolved into laughter to a point where he’s even clutching at his tummy from laughing too much.

“I told you, it’s really cute when you say Yeollow.” He spoke in between laughter. “But why yellow by the way? I remember the green one being way cuter—”

Baekhyun really hated seeing that playful smile on the man’s lips.

“Aren’t you so full of yourself…” The man hooted with glee as his cheeks beautifully tainted in red. “You already know why so don’t make me tell you again.”

“Come on, Baekhyunnie~ _Indulge me please…_ ”

The pout should be ridiculous but the bastard really knew how to use his charms to his advantage. It was amongst Baekhyun’s weaknesses and there was nothing he could do but to always surrender to it. So he feigned a long sigh as he tried his best not to let his composure melt down.

“Because he resembles the colour of the sun. He’s so bright and blinding that even though he’s awkward as fuck, he can still shine on his own.”

Baekhyun tried not to look at the man because he knew that his cheeks were once again betraying him, the warmth was cruising up to his ears. He could sense an intense stare directed at him and before he could even look up to steal a glance, there were fingers on his chin, gently moving it up.

“I am nothing of that sort, Baekhyunnie,” Loey's cheeks were still red and Baekhyun was actually proud of himself for making him blush like that. “I think you are actually describing yourself.”

Baekhyun was secretly enjoying Loey’s furious cheeks so he grinned smugly and dared to cup the other’s cheek.

“Maybe my personality screams yellow but it was you who made me _glow,_ ” His smile turned softer and the man leaned more to his hand, savouring the gentleness it provided. “Do you know why I’m good at what I do? In capturing the hearts of the public? It’s because I’m really happy with everything that’s been going on with my life ever since we got together. And I guess, that same happiness was radiating in my being. Put simply, you are what makes me happy, the cause of my smile and the reason why I glow this much.”

“Oh and you were right about me, loving your dimple by the way—“ Baekhyun poked the said dent. “... because it never fails to make my heart melt that it literally tips off my entire universe in a much better way. You have no idea how much I love your smile— the smile which always rendered me speechless that each time I happened to see it, I could feel myself stop breathing for a second.”

The blush on the man’s cheeks deepened even more and the smile on his lips was like Baekhyun’s own peak at heaven. It may have been shy but it was still breathtaking.

“And here I thought you’re actually a meanie—“ Loey chuckled. “You have a way with words, Baekhyunnie, and I’m really happy that you only save them all for me. Thank you for always making me feel loved.”

 

>>•<<

 

_**January 27, 2015** _

_**I’ve always wondered** _  
_**what it would be like to kiss you.** _  
_**If it would have that spark** _  
_**you told me about when we were younger.** _

 

“So aside from being clumsy— what else do you think of me?”

Baekhyun was no longer surprised to see Loey being there. In fact, he was already expecting him because the last time he saw him, he remembered how much he was dying to hear Baekhyun’s impressions of him. And Baekhyun was sure that he would pry it out of him whatever it takes.

“Why do you keep asking about things you already know? I thought you and him are one person?”

The elder grinned widely as he sat next to him, his thigh touching his own. They were now comfortable with each other that Baekhyun wouldn't flinch anymore every time they got close. He couldn’t deny how much he liked being within the presence of the man. It was always comforting.

“You see, it’s one of the purpose of this trip actually— to remind myself of the early times.”

“So that’s your reason? To relive these moments and not because you’re trying to— _I don’t know_ — maybe fix something?”

“I said _one,_ Baekhyunnie, not the whole reason. And—“ He raised his index finger to give emphasis to his next words. “You’re watching too much sci fi movies. Not all those who travel are lost.”

Baekhyun’s brows furrowed in confusion.

“What’s that got to do with my que— You know what, don’t answer that because I know that you’ll just leave me hanging. You guys love to confuse the fuck out of me anyway.”

Then a dopey smile materialised onto the elder’s face and Baekhyun felt even more frustrated.

“I’m already spilling a lot, Baekhyunnie, and I’m honestly surprised that the world is still working. I told you before, right? That I’m not allowed to say anything about the future? I’m just the supporting character here so please don’t pout on me like that because I _still_ want to see you and I’m afraid that if I keep telling you about things you’re not yet supposed to know, this time travelling will stop and I still have to do a lot of things...”

“Like what?”

“There you go again, Baek—“ The man shook his head sideways but not out of frustration but more of amusement. “I told you I cannot say anything, right? We don’t want to blast the entire planet now, do we? How about we talk about me, confusing the _eff_ out of you?”

Baekhyun thought that the man, avoiding vulgar words were really cute.

“When did I ever confuse you when I made all the sense in the world?”

Baekhyun scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“You’re an absolute geek who’s easily drawn to anything related to the universe— _which was my least favourite topic, by the way._ ” He said, mock-glaring at the man. “You’re just that fascinated with the vastness of the entire fucking galaxy that you would talk my ears off every time you had the chance.”

     

_Baekhyun was studying his piece for his last practical exam when his boyfriend suddenly sat beside him, making him bounce from the impact. His brows furrowed as he sat there, glaring daggers at the taller, who had a wolfish grin on his lips and a mysterious rectangular box in his lap._

_“You’re coming with me tonight, Baek, and I won’t take no for an answer.”_

_Baekhyun knew that there was no way he could argue against the forced invitation so he just shrugged and went back to his notes. But then he could still feel his eyes on him which kind of made him feel flustered so he gave up and turned his attention toward the taller and raised a brow at him._

_“You’re not even going to ask where we’re going?” Chanyeol asked with a pout. “What if I kidnap you and ask your family for ransom money? What if I drug you and sell your organs in the black market? What i—“_

_“Park Chanyeol!” Baekhyun yelled with conviction. “What on Earth are you even talking about? If you won’t stop spatting shit over there, I’m gonna bail out on you tonight and go study at Jongdae and Minseok-hyung’s apartment.”_

_Chanyeol frowned and it kind of made Baekhyun feel guilty. What’s new anyway when Chanyeol’s always been good at guilt-tripping him?_

_“Alright, alright.” Baekhyun once again fell for that puppy eyes. “Where are we going later then?”_

_His face immediately lit up like a pleased toddler who had received his early christmas present._

_“We’re going to the rooftop and go stargazing.”_

_The rectangular box began to make sense as the taller carefully opened it and outed one of those fucking telescopes Baekhyun had seen him ogling last week at some stupid online shop. It was ridiculous to think that someone would buy those expensive crap but who was he kidding anyway when he knew that what Park Chanyeol wants, Park Chanyeol gets. His boyfriend never cared for numbers simply because he was actually fucking loaded._

_“I can’t believe you let them talk you into buying that stuff, Yeol. How is it that you’re book-smart but street-stupid? You’re impulsive buying is getting ridiculous.”_

_“Hey! I’m not stupid!” He frowned as his long arms flailed ungracefully. “I just want to buy it because it looked so cool and I want to show you something.”_

_“Chanyeol, if this is one of your stupid science conspiracies— I’m really going to study with Minseo—“_

_“Babe~” Chanyeol whined. “Come on— just come with me, okay? You’ll love this. I’m sure you’re going to love this.”_

 

_It was cold— really cold, that the moment they stepped inside the rooftop, the cold wind immediately seeped through Baekhyun’s being, making him wrap his jacket more to his body. He was mentally cursing his boyfriend for convincing him to come with him into an open space like that in the middle of winter. Baekhyun's beginning to believe that Park Chanyeol was a fucking hypnotist._

_But in fairness to him, he really made efforts to make their stargazing activity cozy and warm by putting up a blanket with lots of throw pillows around it, like they're on a picnic _—_ with even chips and drinks to snack on. There were even candles scattered everywhere and Baekhyun could smell a hint of vanilla coming from them. He tried not to focus on how much his heart wanted to fly out of his chest because the whole set up screamed like a date. And Baekhyun never really thought how romantic stargazing could be not until now._

_“Aren’t you going to share the blanket with me, Baek?”_

_Baekhyun was actually sitting as far away from his boyfriend because he could hear his stupid heart creating such loud noises. The organ had been notoriously hammering inside his chest ever since they entered the roof top and it seemed like it had no intention of slowing down anytime soon. He was sure Chanyeol would hear its noise if he was to get closer to him._

_“Why didn’t you get 2 by the way? You’re too much of a giant to squish yourself in a tiny blanket like this...”_

_Instead of taking offence, Chanyeol only laughed at the insult._

_“Well, that’s actually a big blanket, babe— so come here and share it with me.”_

_Reluctantly, Baekhyun moved closer and gave the other end to his boyfriend which he carefully spread and wrapped around them. Baekhyun immediately felt warmed not only from the thick cloth covering them but also by the arm settling onto his shoulders._

_“You should’ve taken astronomy as a major, Yeol. I’m sure you’ll do great in there since you’re so interested with the universe.”_

_“Maybe I should have. But believe it or not, it’s only the stars I’m more interested about.”_

_Chanyeol slowly got up and began assembling the telescope that was lying at the foot of the blanket, placing it on top of what looked like a tripod. He then on tilted the end toward the sky, rotating those little knobs that hung on both of its sides. And when he finished with his preparations, he looked back at Baekhyun and asked him to sit next to him._

_Then he started naming each of the stars and the constellations he could find, moving to the side to let the other see them for himself. Baekhyun may have hated anything related to science and the like but seeing the excitement in his boyfriend’s face made everything tolerable. The stars were what made the sky even more beautiful, just like how a smile made Chanyeol’s face even more breathtaking._

_“That’s the famous Orion’s belt, Baek. Actually, we don’t need the telescope to see them because look— they’re just there!“ He pointed at the three bright stars. “They’re actually easy to spot on because they’re like a group, always together, couldn’t be without each other.”_

_Chanyeol was already staring at him when he turned his head toward him. There was something about the way he was looking at him that made Baekhyun internally squirm from the intensity of it._

_“If that’s what you want to show me then this thing is really just a waste of money. You and your stupid impulsive buying. Told you it’s foolish to buy it.” Baekhyun said just to hide his furious cheeks._

_Then a sudden wind blew across their surrounding, turning off all the candles surrounding them and if it wasn’t for the city lights in front of them, the whole roof top would’ve been too dark. Baekhyun blinked his eyes rapidly to adjust to the dimness and when he happened to look at Chanyeol, he saw him staring at the sky with a huge smile on his face._

_“Sirius,” he heard him whispered. “You may be bright and all but **he’s** definitely brighter than you.”_

_Baekhyun’s eyes followed where Chanyeol was looking at. There was a star, brighter than any other stars in the sky, adjacent to Orion’s belt. It was mesmerising, radiant, that he also found himself in the same situation as his boyfriend— slack jawed._

_Trying to get the taller’s attention, Baekhyun asked, “What are you mumbling about? Please don’t tell me you’re having one of your batshit crazy episodes right now...”_

_Chanyeol laughed clamorously, his arms swinging wildly along his sides. Baekhyun quickly moved away to protect himself from him because Chanyeol had a dangerous sense of humour _—_ with a thunder-clap in every laughter, a head-butt to anyone near him (which Baekhyun had numerously fallen victim of), and a boisterous explosion of glee every time he’d found something funny (which was seriously _—_ **most** of the time). Baekhyun really hated an extremely happy Chanyeol because it’s the only time when all the care he had in his body would be tossed aside. He was so sure that it was only during his laughing hysteria when Chanyeol’s arms were finally coordinated in hitting anything close to him. And right now, Baekhyun had the urge to karate chop his boyfriend’s neck just to stop him from his foolishness._

_“Why are you so shallow? That’s not even funny!”_

_Chanyeol giggled at the frown on his face. And then he got closer, picking up the blanket as he carefully cloaked the both of them with it. The taller’s arms were once again settling on his shoulders._

_“Did you hear what I said though, Baek?”_

_The sudden closeness made Baekhyun want to combust in flames. He could feel his heart doing its circus flips again as he remember what the other had whispered a while ago. Baekhyun didn’t want to assume anything but the way Chanyeol’s looking at him now somehow confirmed his speculation._

_Chanyeol turned his eyes back to the sky. “I only have two favourite stars at the moment, Sirius and Polaris. Sirius is said to be the brightest star in the Earth’s sky. It’s the one over there, Baek, near the Orion’s Belt. It’s also called the Dog star since it’s a part of the Canis Maj—“_

_Glancing back to his boyfriend, Chanyeol saw him furrowing his brows— his head angled in a curious manner, just like a lost and confused puppy. The taller bit back a smile as he thought of other ways to explain things better because he knew that Baekhyun's not interested in any of these things and he would definitely get an earful if he didn’t stop his madness. But he had to keep going or else Baekhyun wouldn’t understand what the whole ordeal was about._

_“Please bear with me, Baek… I’m almost done with the gibberish part.” He chuckled, later on returning his eyes onto the dark sky. “I wish we could see the Polaris from here though but SK’s geographic location is on the eastern part which—“_

_“Okay. Okay. I get it.”_

_Baekhyun's face contorted into a frown because what the fuck was this all about? What did Chanyeol really want to say? He was at a loss— feeling a hell lot of stupid right now which was what he hated the most and his boyfriend, who was now laughing at his internal agony, made him really want to punch him square in the face._

_When Chanyeol finally stopped laughing, he let out an apologetic smile then once again began with his explanation._

_“Polaris is the northern sky, Baek. Did you know that it’s the only star that doesn’t move? That’s why travellers use it as a reliable compass because obviously— if you head onto it, you’re going nor—“_

_“And it’s important for me to know these because?” Baekhyun’s just so done listening to this bullshit. “I mean, okay— it’s nice to know that we have two brilliant stars out there but— I don’t see the need for this lecture, Yeol, not unless we’re participating in some scie—“ And then his eyes began to widen. “Please don’t tell me that you did sign us up to some stupid quiz bee, Yeol…”_

_There’s a certain kind of amusement glinting at the taller’s eyes and Baekhyun found himself groaning in annoyance._

_“You’re so cute when you’re ranting, babe.” Chanyeol gave him a sheepish smile and later on lowered his eyes to the ground just to avoid the evil stare his boyfriend was giving him. “I guess there’s no other way to explicate things then.”_

_Chanyeol returned his eyes at him as his lips slowly formed into one of his gentlest smiles._

_“You are Polaris and Sirius in one, Baek. You’re just so bright that the others would even begin to melt the longer I stare at you. I don’t even see anyone else whenever you’re around. It's like my eyes are drawn to you, would automatically search for you whenever you’re out of sight. And if my eyes could only stop blinking, I guess they would’ve just to keep looking at you. You are their favourite sight in the world, Baek, and I think they wouldn’t mind going blind just to stare at you for eternity.”_

_Baekhyun could only thank the wind for blowing out their source of light because he was sure that his face was now tomato-red._

_“As cheesy as it sounds, you are the brightest star in Park Chanyeol’s sky, Byun Baekhyun. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me and it’s kinda scary that you have this impact on me but what else can I do when my heart craves you the most, Baek? When you’re everything I’ve always dreamed of and everything I’ve ever wanted?”_

_Chanyeol gently cradled his cheeks and slowly invaded Baekhyun’s personal space, his eyes affixing his lips._

_“ **I love you so much, Baek** — and I’ll keep saying that until it gets stuck in your pretty little hea—“_

_And then his next words were seized with a kiss _—_ with Baekhyun taking the first move._

 

“So were there any fireworks when we kissed, Baekhyunnie?”

Baekhyun decided his cheeks were traitors. He couldn’t even defend himself and steer the man away from his furious cheeks.

“Why are you asking? Didn’t you feel them too?”

And now it was the man who was blushing.

“I did feel those stupid sparks you’ve mentioned when we were younger," Baekhyun grinned widely. "... and even though that wasn’t my first kiss, it was definitely the best I’ve ever had in my entire life.”

Loey challenged his declaration by arching a brow at him.

“Better than Kris?”

“Yep. _Better_ than Kris’s.” Baekhyun’s smile turned mischievous. “But let me also say that kissing tall guys are a _literal_ pain in the neck.”

They both laughed at that but it was Loey who had it serious— He was clutching his tummy and there were tears in his eyes from laughing too much. And once the laughter died, the man gave him a soft smile enough to weaken his knees. Baekhyun swore he’s going to end up being a cripple before he even turned 50.

“That is true by the way— You really are the _best_ thing that ever happened to me but there’s something more I forgot to tell you that night…”

The man slowly crossed their distance and sat beside him, his hand gently cradling his.

“Being the brightest star in my universe is one thing but being my Polaris is another.” Baekhyun felt the man tightened his grip. “You’re the source of light in times of darkness, the one who guides me and shows me the best of myself. It was you who made me appreciate the dark because only then I could clearly see the light.”

Baekhyun’s heart was once again pounding as his cheeks began to taint in red.

“I am what I am today because of you and I can never thank you enough for everything that you’ve done for me. You make my heart happy, my mind sane, and my soul peaceful. I may have never worded my feelings well but I hope you know that you’re the most important person to me.”

The chime from his phone caught Baekhyun’s attention, interrupting the intimate moment, and before he could say anything, Loey was already gone. He took a minute to calm himself because those words went straight to his heart. He couldn’t help it— he had always been weak for _that_ specific charm.

Grabbing his phone from the side table, Baekhyun couldn’t help the smile creeping on his lips as he read the message.

_Are you up for some stargazing tonight, babe?_

 

>>•<<

 

_**November 27, 2017** _

_**“The feeling’s mutual.** _  
_**You are also my secret birthday wish.”** _

  

“Alright. So I’m a bumbling mess, a clumsy idiot, a science freak, and what else, Baekhyunnie? I’m sure that’s not the only impressions you have of me…”

Baekhyun only rolled his eyes at his enthusiasm. Loey seemed like he was having the time of his life exhausting every single detail about whatever it was that Baekhyun’s feeling for his junior.

“You’re insatiable, aren’t you?” Baekhyun glared at the man. “Again— Why do you keep asking me about these things? It’s not like you don’t know them already…”

“Oh I do, Baekhyunnie, I do.” The man walked toward him and his long arms swayed at every step. “It’s just fun to reminisce about them, _with you_ — doing the storytelling. It’s actually nice to see things from your perspective because I already know how it was for me back then. Aside from that, I never had the chance to ask you about these things before because there were a lot of going ons in our lives when we started working that it became next to impossible for us to sit down and talk just like how normal couples did.”

Loey sighed but a smile eventually graced his lips.

“We got really busy with a lot of projects the moment you started earning people’s attention. Pretty obvious who had it tougher between the two of us, isn’t it? You had a more demanding life but it’s not something I could complain about ‘cause look at where our hard work led you— You became the next big thing in South Korea, Baekhyunnie!”

Baekhyun blushed because the look Loey was giving him was like he was in front of his high school crush, awed and fascinated.

“I was so damn happy when your songs began to climb the charts, so damn proud to watch you perform live, so damn giddy to hear you mention my name in every award you’d received, so damn distracted to see your face in billboards whenever I go to work, and so damn jealous whenever you have a fansign event. Now don’t start with me, Baekhyunnie. You were being confessed _— in front of me—_ and I have feelings you know. It’s not like I could tell your admirers to ‘fudge off’ when I couldn’t even hold your hand whenever we’re in public.”

Loey was pouting and Baekhyun snickered at his ranting.

“If there’s one thing I didn’t like about my job, it’s approving your fanservice schedules, Baekhyunnie! But even though I hated signing them, I still do it because it’s part of what I’ve signed up for as your boyfriend and as the company’s president.”

Baekhyun remembered that time when Chanyeol invited him to join their company. He was young and eager and very much determined to be a singer. Although he received a hell lot from other trainees for being the CEO’s son’s boyfriend, he didn’t let their insults get the best of him but rather saw their defamations as a challenge to prove himself worthy of being at the agency. And Chanyeol had never been more proud to see how passionate his boyfriend had been from then on.

Chanyeol had just been appointed as the CEO a year ago due to his dad’s heart condition. The elder Park had been rushed to the hospital a month ago because of severe chest pains. After several tests, the doctors revealed that it was angina and if not attended well, may lead to Coronary Artery Disease— an even graver form of heart illness. The doctor also suggested that Mr. Park was to be abstained from anything that could stress him— which was obviously his work. So Chanyeol took over and the company had been prospering under his supervision.

“Speaking of president— you were wrong about that actually— About me, ending up being the president of your fanclub.” Baekhyun had a smug look on his face. “I have my own to manage so I have no time to _president_ any fanbase out there. And I was told that according to the latest poll, my fanbase was bigger than the _nation’s boyfriend's—_ so yeah, I  _really_ am busy.”

Baekhyun felt attacked when Loey smiled with his dimple showing. _The bastard._

“Well, my ego couldn’t take it when you’ve outranked me, Baekhyunnie, so I may have lied about that.” He laughed with a blush on his face. “Do you remember that, Baekhyunnie? How I earned that title?”

Baekhyun once again rolled his eyes.

“How could I not when I almost lost my career on that incident?”

          

_**Ribbons.**  
_

_That was Park Chanyeol’s obsession ever since November came and unfortunately for Baekhyun, he had a participation in that fixation of his._

_Chanyeol had always been weird but him— wrapping a strand of cloth on Baekhyun’s wrist everyday was **another** level of weird._

_It all started on the 1st of November when he dropped by at Baekhyun’s photoshoot for Vogue magazine Korea. The singer was given a 30-minutes break to change into another outfit and to have his make up retouched but as soon as he opened the door to his changing room, he found no one inside except for his boyfriend, who was playing some stupid game on his phone._

_“Yeol?”_

_The man turned his head at him as he immediately pocketed his cellphone and patted the seat next to him._

_“Hey, baby. You done with your shoot?”_

_Baekhyun shook his head as he walked toward the guy and sat beside him, giving him a kiss on the cheek as a form of greeting. But then the other seemed to have another idea and went straight to his lips._

_“Yeol— what the fuck?”_

_While Baekhyun was panicking over the kiss, Chanyeol only laughed at his boyfriend’s uncalled for anxiety. The taller never cared about what other people thought of him and would just simply dismiss their impressions of him. Baekhyun, on the other hand, was the careful one between the two of them simply because he had a lot more to lose if he ever made a mistake. He’s an upcoming star who was loved by many and was always under the scrutiny of the public. The media was just waiting for him to snap for they were dying to put a fault on his impeccable status._

_“Relax, babe. There’s no one here but us. I told the staff to give us some privacy because I need to give you something.”_

_And then he pulled his left hand into his lap and wrapped a strand of red cloth on his wrist. He gently looped them together to make a ribbon out of it and tightened the knots just so it wouldn’t fall off easily. Baekhyun sat motionless with his brows knitted as he looked at both the man and the ribbon in confusion._

_“I told the staff to let you wear this for the shoot so yeah— don’t remove it, Baekhyunnie.”_

_**Baekhyunnie.** It was the nickname Chanyeol had been calling him since the beginning of the year and it always sent a shiver down his spine for it was in the same tone as Loey._

_Quickly recovering from his shock, Baekhyun began firing up his complaint._

_“But this doesn’t fit the concept of the shoot, Yeol—“_

_“Doesn’t matter, babe. I already talked— actually begged your stylist to allow you to wear this one. So don’t make my efforts go in vain, please. ‘Cause I literally went down on my knees just for her to approve of this.”_

_Chanyeol was stupidly batting his eyelids and Baekhyun only shook his head at his boyfriend’s aegyo tactics._

_“Fine. But you better tell me what this is all about, Park Chanyeol! Or I’ll kick your flat ass to the ground.”_

_“You’re so mean, Baekhyunnie—“ And Baekhyun was once again hit with an intense form of deja vu. He’d heard those words before from the same voice and it unexpectedly induced goosebumps all over his body. “Didn’t we agree that I’d be the man of the house and you’d stay the pretty man of my dreams? So technically speaking, I’m the decision maker in this relationship and I’m telling you right now to wear this proudly out there and show it off.”_

_Baekhyun glared at the demand but when his boyfriend's words sank in, his face immediately turned sour._

_“Stay the pretty man of my dreams? You’re so—“_

_“I’m sorry, Mr. Park,” One of the staff barged in with an apologetic smile on her lips. “... but we have to style Mr. Byun now. Everyone’s starting to get pissy.”_

_Chanyeol gave her a nod and a sheepish smile as he turned his attention back to his still-annoyed boyfriend._

_“I’ll see you at home, babe,” he said as he kissed his cheek. “Don’t remove it, okay? I love you.”_

_And that was the beginning of Park Chanyeol’s daily ribbon wrapping activity._

 

_It started with primary colours— red, blue, yellow— then eventually turned into those girly pastels— peach, lavender, azure, rose— and now they were of flamboyant ones— neon green, lemon yellow, tangerine— **name it!** Byun Baekhyun probably had worn them all and it really ticked off his nerves because what the hell was this all about? Why was Park Chanyeol putting those shitty wraps around his wrist as if it was a normal accessory for a man?_

_So on the 15th day of Chanyeol’s ridiculousness, Baekhyun finally snapped when the stupid idiot once again positioned his wrist under a **hot pink** strap._

_“Get that thing away from me! I’m done doing this with you, Park Chanyeol!”_

_Baekhyun harshly removed his arm away from him and glared at him for all his worth. He could see how taken aback his boyfriend was but the latter immediately composed himself and gave him a boyish smile._

_“But they really look good on you, Baekhyunnie—“_

_“How the fuck did they look good on me? What am I? A fucking present?”_

_Baekhyun quickly grabbed the strand on Chanyeol’s hand and threw it into the bin while the other was just smiling there, staring at him with that love-sick look on his face._

_“That’s okay. I still have one mo—“_

_“Oh no no no—“ Baekhyun shook his head and backed away from him. “That thing is not getting anywhere near me, Park, so go away. I have no time to play with your games! I have an interview in an hour and I haven’t really checked the questionnaire yet because last night, you distracted me with your I-need-you-tonight-babe shit of yours.”_

_Baekhyun started marching toward the exit but then Chanyeol was already blocking his way out._

_“I swear to God, Park Chanyeol. Get out of my way while I’m still being nice or I won’t hesitate to bruise that handsome face of yours and make sure to put the blues where you can’t hide it.”_

_And then there was a pout, followed by those puppy eyes that never failed to wreck Baekhyun’s composure. Chanyeol’s hurt expression made him feel guilty and he wished that he had the heart to ignore the idiot and leave him just the way he was— a heartbroken man over a stupid strand of cloth._

_“I’m sorry,” Chanyeol said. “Please don’t get mad anymore. I’ll explain everything now, Baekhyunnie.”_

_Baekhyun was guided toward the couch where there’s a whole set of colourful strands loitering around the table in front of him and the thought of running away immediately crossed his mind, fearing that Chanyeol was just bluffing him and would force those straps all over his arm. But when the man held his hands into his and laced them together, he began to relax as he sat next to him._

_“My birthday’s coming up, Baekhyunnie. And you’ll be in Japan to promote your new album.”_

_Baekhyun internally cursed himself for absolutely forgetting about Chanyeol’s most important day. He was really busy these days not only with the promotion but also with the interviews he’d been invited to go to. There’s also some endorsement offers he’d have to get over with and if not for his manager, Baekhyun was sure he would’ve lost track of time already._ _But those were all part of Baekhyun's job and they shouldn’t be used as an excuse not to remember something important as his boyfriend’s birthday._

_“I wish I could come with you so we can celebrate my birthday together just like the past years.” Chanyeol’s eyes were affixed on their linked hands. “But with the company expanding, I am doomed to attend several meetings next week till the second week of December. I can no longer cancel any of them anymore because my schedule’s already tight.” Chanyeol frowned as he caressed his knuckles. “I’m sorry that I have to ditch out this year’s tradition.”_

_Baekhyun couldn’t even be more guiltier than now. It was true that they’d never missed one birthdays or anniversaries before because these occasions always came first to them. No matter how busy they were, they’d always make it a point to leave those dates solely for each other._

_“Anyway, the ribbons—“ Chanyeol then on fished out another strand of cloth inside his pocket and once again tied it loosely around Baekhyun’s wrist. “It’s funny that you actually guessed it, Baekhyunnie— that you are a **gift,** ” and then he smiled, that devastatingly beautiful smile that would always create a havoc inside his body, with his heart and tummy being the most affected._

_“I’ve been thinking of what to ask you for my birthday and was actually torn between a new Rolex and a lap dance.” Baekhyun’s fingers were ready to attack his sides but then Chanyeol must’ve sensed his plan because he tightened his grip on his hands for them to stay put. “Then I realised, I already have the best gift in the world.”_

_Chanyeol gently pulled him into his arm to which he immediately latched with._

_“This ribbons serve to remind me how much of a blessing you are in my life, Baekhyunnie. You are the most beautiful person that ever walked in this planet and I want you to know that you’re the most precious gift the world has given me.”_

_Baekhyun hid his face more in Chanyeol’s chest as a smile so wide began to bloom on his lips._

_“So I put up with this idea to somehow make the world know that you’re taken and the person who had taken you considered you as their gift.”_

_Chanyeol slowly leaned back and gently cupped Baekhyun’s cheeks._

_“I’m sorry for being selfish. I know I am being too persistent about this but I just can’t help it when people are linking you to someone else.”_

_It wasn’t the first time Chanyeol spoke about this issue because Baekhyun was indeed a favourite face in the industry. Some people were trying to ride the fame he’s having by getting close to him because they know that with just their name, being connected with his, would make a great impact in their popularity._

_Byun Baekhyun was too naive for this industry because he couldn’t differentiate kindness with maliciousness. He couldn’t see that most people often mistook his cordiality to something inappropriate so when they later on try to make a move on him, he didn’t know how to decline them or to tell them that he’s actually in a relationship already. And that would enrage Chanyeol to the core because why the hell could Baekhyun not tell these people about them? He wasn’t asking him to be out and proud with his sexuality or even drop his name on their faces. He just wanted him to confirm— to make them know that he’s somehow taken. It wasn’t being possessive. He’s a man in love and would of course get jealous whenever his object of affection would get linked with someone other than him._

_It’s not like he didn’t trust Baekhyun. He trust him with his life and love him with every fiber of his being. It just pissed him off that his boyfriend’s too nice for a messed up industry like this. He’s too much of a friendly person that it often led to a lot of misinterpretations. Byun Baekhyun didn’t deserve to be feasted by the tabloids and Park Chanyeol would do whatever it takes to protect his innocent boyfriend. He would never let them take advantage of his kindness._

_“I know we’ve talked about this already and I’m sorry, alright? I was just—“ Chanyeol sighed and tucked his face into the crook of Baekhyun’s neck. “Is it wrong to stake a claim on my own boyfriend so that they would— I don’t know— may be fudge off a little?”_

_Baekhyun snickered at his boyfriend’s whining and tightened his arms around him even more._

_“No, babe, it’s not. I actually think it’s sweet.”_

_Chanyeol leaned back with an all hopeful face._

_“So you’re not mad anymore? I mean, will you now wear my ribbons?”_

_As an answer to his question, Baekhyun only placed his left arm on his lap with a rectangular smile on his lips and urged the man to tighten the strap on his wrist. The smile on Chanyeol’s lips was priceless._

_“You’re an idiot, Park Chanyeol, but I love you and it doesn’t matter how many people want me because I’ll only want you so get it in your head, you dork!” Then Baekhyun squished his cheeks and showered his face with kisses. “I love you, you giant baby, and there’s no one I’m ever going to love this much except you.”_

 

_Later at his interview, Baekhyun was asked about the colourful ribbons on his wrist. The netizens took an interest on them ever since he started wearing one at his Vogue cover photo. And what he answered caused a ruckus inside the studio._

_“Oh this?” He lifted the arm with the hot pink ribbon. “Well, this is Park Chanyeol’s idea. He said that his birthday is coming up and that **I am** the only present he desires.”_

 

_Baekhyun was bombarded with a lot of questions after that declaration. He didn’t know why he did that actually but he guessed that it was more on instinct— his natural tendency to protect and assure his boyfriend of their relationship. And even though he was scared out of his wits on what could happen next, he knew that there was no way he’d choose anything over Park Chanyeol. The tall dork would always be his first choice because what’s a singer without a muse? Baekhyun would never be able to make his music without him._

_He avoided all forms of social medias after that in fear of reading the judgment on everyone’s words. His manager kept him on the loop though by telling him that nobody from anywhere said a word about his stunt. Baekhyun thought he was really nice to palliate the gravity of the situation._

_And it was so weird how the world had gone quiet for the past few days. No one really said anything about what happened and the silence honestly scared Baekhyun to death. What’s even weirder though was that every time he’s at the agency, people would send him knowing smiles as if they knew something Baekhyun should know about. He had a feeling that Chanyeol had something to do with that but he couldn’t ask him about it because the CEO was swamped with meetings left and right._

 

_Baekhyun’s now waiting at Narita Airport for his flight back to Korea. He’s so excited that even though his flight was delayed, it didn’t ruin his mood. It was Chanyeol’s birthday today and the busy idiot didn’t know he was in for a surprise tonight. He could already visualise the look on his face the moment he entered their home and before he could even recover from his shock, Baekhyun would smother him with kisses. That was his only plan and nothing else because Chanyeol was still insisting on that I-don’t-want-anything-except-you for his gift and Baekhyun didn’t know if he was to take that literally. The giant had a thing with unwrapping presents and Baekhyun was sure that if he did wrap himself up, the idiot would be the happiest man on Earth tonight._

_As if he had time to do that now..._

_So Baekhyun did the next best thing he could think of— by wearing a headband out of a scarf. He could still remember how Chanyeol almost cajoled him into wearing that stupid headband his sister left at their house. He said he’d look really pretty in it and even restructured that stupid disney quote in his favour— “You’ll be the fairest of them all, Baekhyunnie.’_

_Baekhyun shook his head at the memory, a smile spreading along his lips, as he began to part his hair in the middle and brushed them to perfection. He then on gathered the ends of the scarf around his head then looped them together on top to form a ribbon. Taking one more look at the mirror, Baekhyun was so sure that Park Chanyeol would bug his eyes out the moment he entered their home._

_What he didn’t expect though was a Park Chanyeol, filming him with a cheshire grin on his lips as soon as he stepped inside the foyer. He was dressed in his casual hoodie and ripped up jeans and there's a party hat on his head, a small cake in his left hand while his phone's on the other hand. He was singing a birthday song as he neared him and before the song ended, he said—_

_“My present’s finally here, guys! And look at how pretty he is in that ribbon! Isn’t my **boyfriend** the fairest of them all?”_

 

Loey was laughing next to him as soon as he finished his storytelling.

“It was the most hearted post I’ve ever had in my Instagram account—” He pinched Baekhyun’s cheek to which the latter whined a lot for. “... the beginning of my nation's boyfriend title and the _end_ of your dating scandals. An epic one, wasn’t it, Baekhyunnie?”

Baekhyun tried to maintain the glare he was giving toward the man but as usual, _he failed._

“I was just wondering—“ Baekhyun said as he raised a hand to stop the man who was about to talk. “Why did you introduce yourself as Loey? Did you know I had a hard time researching about your name because there’s no information about it?”

The man smiled widely and once again pinched his cheek.

“I was actually disappointed that it took you a long time to put the pieces together. You’ve always been good at jigsaw puzzles so I thought you’d easily discover the mystery behind my name.” Loey shook his head in mock disappointment. “But to answer your question, Loey was a spur of the moment idea. You’ve always loved calling me Yeol so I decided to use that name in reverse just to hide my identity.”

“You know that I couldn’t just tell myself off as simple as that, right?” Loey held his cheek and stared at him with fondness. “I’m already the creepy stalker, remember? So imagine me— suddenly coming up to you and tell you that I’m your _future_ husband? Wouldn’t that validate the ‘creepy stalker’ idea?”

Baekhyun thought about it for a while then eventually gave him a nod. The man was right. If he did tell him that, he was sure he’d kick his balls for using a lame pick up line like that.

“Wow. You’re beginning to answer my question. Why’s that?”

“What are you talking about, Baekhyunnie? I always answer your question!”

The man was frowning and Baekhyun didn’t resist the itch to pinch his cheek.

“I’m gonna make the most out of your generosity now, okay? Because there’s something I’m really curious about.” The man gave him a nod. “I know it’s weird to ask but have you ever been jealous of the younger you?”

Loey only stared at him as if he had grown two heads but eventually laughed his heart out over the ridiculousness of his question.

“ _Nope,_ ” he stressed on the ‘p.’ “I never got jealous of him because why would I be when I’m him? Wouldn’t that mean that whatever you’re feeling for him is also what you’re feeling for me?”

Baekhyun’s cheeks fired up. “Well, you’re a jealous giant, you see. You even get jealous of Mongryongie whenever I pet him or rub his belly. But whenever I rub your belly— you’d squirm your body so hard to a point where you’d knock some of our furnitures into irreparable damage.”

The man once again laughed, _hysterically_ this time.

“You should know that you have dangerous fingers, Baekhyunnie— and I meant that in both _literal_ and _figurative_ sense.”

Baekhyun choked on his saliva as his cheeks began to heat up.

“Shut up.” He said with a deathly glare. “I hate you and your ticklish ass! You look like a stupid squid who’s tricked into believing that he can fly just by flailing its long arms so hard.”

Loey convulsed with laughter and his limbs were thrashing like, _well—_ like a stupid squid.

“What a way to tickle my funny bone, Baekhyunnie~”

He batted his eyelids dramatically which was ridiculous and adorable at the same time. Baekhyun could only groan at the stupid riot inside his tummy.

“Anyway, I’m glad that things fell into its proper place and that the junior managed to accomplish what I was aiming to do—“

“Which is?”

“To make you fall _deeply_ in love with me.”

Baekhyun felt the heat rose to his ears and he prayed so hard that the giddiness hadn’t reached his cheeks yet. But that was impossible since his body was never his ally.

“Why are you so keen on making me fall for you when you’ve always known how I feel about you? I mean— you were there during the first time I realised my feelings for you, right? So there’s really no point in planting seeds when the roots have already been skin deep, don’t you think?”

Loey’s eyes were intensely boring into his and Baekhyun had to avoid it or his heart would definitely flew out of his chest if he continued looking at him. But then his chin was gently tilted up and what greeted him was a smile that knocked the breath out of him.

“Like I said, this experience made me see things from _your_ perspective so I’ve seen how it went for you— how you came to realise you’re already in love with me. However—” Loey leaned back and slid his hands down to his cheeks. “I wasn't the right Chanyeol who needed to know about how you feel because I already know, remember? It’s _your_ Chanyeol who needed to be reassured about your relationship.”

“ _My_ Chanyeol? Aren’t _you_ my Chanyeol as well?”

Before Baekhyun could take back what he just said, Loey already drew him into his chest and locked him into his arms.

 _“I am, Baekhyunnie. I am yours just as much as he is.”_ He tucked his face on his neck and Baekhyun’s body trembled with how familiar the warmth was. “I remember how insecure I was back then. Please don’t get me wrong, okay? I was well aware of how much you love me but it’s just really hard to love someone who’s a world favourite. I couldn’t help but to entertain stupid thoughts because you were loved by many, fantasized by a few— it’s not like I could just stay still when my boyfriend’s being eye-fudged by people, could I?”

“And then the interview happened— and that was what concluded everything for me.” Loey held his hands and gave them a little squeeze. “You’ve always been my secret birthday wish, Baekhyunnie. Ever since I met you at 14, you’re the only gift I kept on asking the heavens for. But I was scared to ask for more because I didn’t want to lose you. So I told myself that I’d rather have you as a best friend than nothing at all.”

Baekhyun remembered that time when he was feeling just the same and how hard it had been to give up the love for that one person you’ve always wanted to be with. He realised how stupid they both were for fearing something fate wouldn’t allow to happen. They were meant to be something more and losing each other wasn’t part of destiny’s plan for them.

“That’s why when you told me about Yixing and Yifan— I badly wanted to beat the crap out of them for not taking care of the person I wanted the most because I’d prayed so hard for that chance they had, Baekhyunnie. I wished that you wanted me as much as you wanted them. I wished I was Lu Han so that you’d also see me in the same light as him. I wished that I also had the right to call you mine. But that’s okay now since it’s all in the past. Even if I’m not your first, I’m now going to be your _last._ ”

Baekhyun gave him a soft smile but then a thought suddenly came into him, a _eureka_ moment he’d finally pieced together.

“You know what? You were what drew me in to these boys— I just realised that each of them has something _you_ have.”

Loey raised a curious brow and tilted his head in confusion.

“Yixing has a dimple. You have one too but yours is opposite of his. Yifan is a freaking tower. Your height is almost his twin. Then Lu Han is a soccer player and you were one when we were in high school, remember?”

Baekhyun’s eyes were shining and he could feel how wild his heart was beating. As he looked at the man in front of him, he saw him grinning so hard that the corner of his right eye was twitching. It should be off putting but in that specific moment, Baekhyun saw how much of Chanyeol was there in Loey. _This man definitely was his adorable husband-to-be._

“You see? It’s like I’m seeing you in every person that I meet and then I get drawn to them because there’s something in them that reminded me of you.”

“I— I’m honestly speechless right now, Baekhyunnie. I don’t know what to say. I didn’t see that one coming.”

Loey was still smiling as he reached for his hand to lace their fingers together. “And now that we’re finally here— _officially_ together, I’m gonna make sure that your feelings stay that way. I’m not gonna let someone snatch you again like how those Chinese boys did. I’ll make sure that we’ll stay together for as long as time permits. And I’m gonna make sure that I’ll be your endgame, _babe_.”

Baekhyun cursed inwardly because this man really knew how to throw him off his game.

“Just like the sappy fool that you’ve always been— you’re definitely the corniest goofball I’ve ever met.”

 

>>•<<

 

_**October 5, 2018** _

_**“If there’s anything I did right in my life,** _  
_**it’s when I said yes to forever to you.”** _

 

“Oh wow! I forgot about this already!” Loey reached for the picture frame sitting on top of his side table. “This is my all-time favourite picture, Baekhyunnie! Because look at that beautiful smile you have in here— You always look the prettiest when your eyes smile along with your lips.”

 

Said picture was taken after that epic hot air balloon experience they did in Thailand. In the photo, Baekhyun was looking at the camera with a huge smile on his lips. His eyes looked like half moons and they were brimming with tears. There were party poppers all over his head to which Chanyeol was trying to remove but his free hand was placed around Baekhyun’s nape. Chanyeol wasn’t looking at anything but him and there’s a fond smile plastered on his lips.

It was a trip that Baekhyun actually had no idea about simply because the planning was done in secret. Park Chanyeol did the entire thing— from booking their tickets down to begging his _own_ agency just to earn the approval for Baekhyun’s 3-days break. The CEO had always been a charmer and he knew how to use them to his advantage. So when he called for a meeting to discuss about his proposal, the higher ups had no other choice but to relent. And as soon as they gave him the go signal, he immediately called Baekhyun’s manager to tell him of the news.

Baekhyun was so happy to be free from work for 3 days. He already planned of sleeping those days away for he was really exhausted to the bone with the promotions he did in both Japan and Korea. But when he got home that day to their shared apartment, he found his boyfriend waiting for him at the hallway with two luggages on both of his sides.

 

“Do you remember how flustered you were the moment we landed from that hot air balloon?” Loey was still looking at the photo. “I told the crew to wait for my signal first before they snap the party poppers— because it would be so awkward if my plan didn’t work out, don’t you think? They’d be congratulating us for nothing.”

The man put the frame back to its place and slowly turned to face him.

“I guess they didn’t need any cues anymore because only a blind person wouldn’t see that sparkly thing on your _left_  finger.”

       

_“Why are we heading to the airpo— Park Chanyeol! Where the hell are you taking me?”_

_Baekhyun stared angrily at the man, who looked like he was having the time of his life, based on that goofy smile on his lips and the obvious excitement radiating in his body._

_“Now don’t be a spoilsport, Baekhyunnie. It’s a surprise.”_

_“Surprise my ass.” He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms around his chest. “I’m freaking tired, Yeol. If that’s not even obvious yet _—_ and I was hoping to sleep for days without anyone disturbing me. But now you’re dragging me to somewhere I don’t even know. So before I let the anger take over me, tell me where the fuck we’re going or I swear to God, Yeol, I will ruin that perfect teeth of yours!”_

_Chanyeol only grinned. He didn’t even look threatened at all even though he knew that Baekhyun meant every word._

_“I’m sorry. I can’t tell you, babe. But to compromise, I promise to let you sleep tonight— without disturbing you.”_

_When they finally arrived at their destination, he was no longer surprised when Chanyeol brought out his own passport and pulled the 2 trolleys with him inside the goddamn airport. Baekhyun's tired and he’s not in the mood to play with Chanyeol. He decided to look for a cab so he could leave the bastard on his own. But the moment he took a step toward the taxi lane, Chanyeol grabbed his hand and twined their fingers together. He led them to the check in counter where a ground stewardess was attending a passenger then fished out his phone from his pocket and waited patiently in line. Baekhyun was ready to combust in flames._

_“Alright. That’s it. Where the fuck are we going?”_

_Chanyeol finally looked at him but only to hand over a copy of their tickets. Baekhyun was about to ask him where the fuck CNX was when the woman behind the counter called them up._

_“Mr. Chanyeol Park—” The stewardess slowly raised her eyes to look at the man in front of him and there’s a shy smile plastered on her lips. “Here’s your ticket, sir. Please proceed to gate 15, 30 minutes before your flight. Since you’re travelling on a first class seat, you are entitled to stay at the Airport Lounge located at the second floor. Have a nice flight!” Then she eagerly turned her eyes to the other man who was busy frowning and at the same time glaring at the tall guy beside him. “Mr. Baekhyun Byun. Here’s your ticket, sir. Please proceed to gate 15, 30 minutes before your flight. Since you’re travelling via first class seat, you are also entitled to stay at the Airport Lounge located at the second floor. Have a nice flight! But before you go— can I— Can I get an autograph, Sir?”_

_Baekhyun was immediately pulled out from his internal mulling, his irritation dissipating in an instant. He almost forgot that he’s an idol— admired by many and was now in a public place so he should be at his best self. He also shouldn’t be scowling like he’s ready to pounce on someone. But when your boyfriend decided to kidnap you from your God-given break and booked you a fucking first class ticket to somewhere you had no idea where, he believed that it was forgivable to be shooting daggers at anyone coming your way._

_But he’s not one to break the heart of this woman, who was patiently waiting for his reply with a look of anticipation on her face._

_“Of course.” He let out a disarming smile. “Do you have a pen and a paper I could write on though?”_

_The woman gave him a shy smile and passed him the pen and the paper which he immediately signed and handed back to her._

_“Thank you so much, Baekhyun-ssi! You and Chanyeol-ssi really look good together.”_

_Before he could reply, the taller slid an arm around his waist and pulled him closer to him._

_“One heck of a pair, aren’t we?” His eye twitched at the corner as a proud smile materialised on his lips. “Well, thank you for your help and for the kind words. My boyfriend and I appreciate your service.”_

_Then he gently drew him out of the counter with Baekhyun, still gawking at the woman who was waving at them. Her smile was genuine and the way she was looking at them didn’t have any judgment on it. He let out a breath of relief as he quietly followed his boyfriend._

_After the interview stunt he did months ago, Baekhyun had been wary of the people around him. Although he wasn’t really condemned to death by his sexual orientation, there were still some who’d give him a piece of their mind through anonymous posting on the internet. Their words were harsh and would oftentimes make him feel depressed but with just one look from that tall idiot, who’d always send him that precious smile of his, Baekhyun knew that there was no way he couldn’t tell the world how blessed he was for having someone like Park Chanyeol in his life._

_They arrived at the lounge and it was a good thing that no one was there except for the stewards who were so excited to be of service to them. A staff offered them the menu and led them toward the farthest part of the room where their privacy wouldn’t be invaded._

_“You okay, Baekhyunnie? You’ve been really quiet.”_

_He didn’t realise that he had spaced out for quite a while already not until he saw Chanyeol’s face, looking at him with concern._

_“Yeah,” he placed his head on the man’s shoulder. “I’m just tired.”_

_“Do you want coffee? Juice? Or anything? Are you hungry? Cold? Or—“_

_“I’m fine, Yeol.” He buried his face onto the other’s neck. “Just let me breathe you.”_

_Then he crossed his arm around the taller’s waist and finally relaxed himself. Chanyeol’s side was the only place he’d always felt safe._

_“So what’s in CNX that you’re dragging me there now?”_

_Baekhyun felt him sniff the top of his head and pulled him even closer to him._

_“Not telling. I’m not going to spoil you anything. So just sit back and relax, Baekhyunnie. I got this.”_

_Their flight was called and was now ready to board passengers and Baekhyun felt his heartbeat began to speed up. Airplanes actually scared the shit out of him and despite of having travelled a lot of times already, he’s still not comfortable being inside it. He didn’t like the feeling of not being able to clearly see what’s on the outside, of not being in control, of not having anticipated such up and down movements, and the stupid turbulence it sometimes ran into._

_It’s not like he hated the entire ride though. It’s just the take off that always turned him into a shaking leaf. But the moment the seatbelt sign was off, he’d find himself relaxing in his seat as he breathed out the air he’d held in. In Baekhyun’s list of enemies, airplanes were second to cucumbers— alcohol, being the third._

_It’s the reason why Chanyeol always bought them first class tickets and would pick a daytime flight schedule. He had always paid attention to anything Baekhyun would say and had always taken his words by heart. So when Baekhyun told him that the first class seats were comfortable enough to divert his attention away from his panic attacks and how tolerable the daytime flights were because he could see the clouds better and the turbulence were less than the night time flights, Chanyeol would always remind his staff to book Baekhyun a first class seat in the morning and put the bill under his name— just to avoid any issues in the future._

_When the plane began to angle up, Chanyeol wrapped an arm around his shoulders and took one of his hand. He showered it with kisses as he began to whisper sweet nothings in his ear starting with— ‘I’m here, baby. Don’t be scared. Nothing’s gonna happen to you,’ followed by something like— ‘Airplanes are meant to be flying, Baekhyunnie, or it’ll lose its purpose and will end up rusting at its parking spot’ then he would dare joke with— ‘Well, at least we’re together. If ever the plane crashes, we’ll die together,’ until he made up with words like— ‘I love you. Whatever happens, I’ll always love you.’ Chanyeol knew that Baekhyun’s anxiety would soon melt away but he would never let him go until it completely vanished._

_5 hours and 40 minutes later, they finally arrived in CNX, aka Chiang Mai Airport, and Baekhyun sighed in relief as he silently thanked the Gods that the worst part was over. He was so tired and he badly needed to sleep that’s why he didn’t really remember how they’ve gone past the immigration and had gotten their check in luggages. All he could remember was that the room Chanyeol had booked for them had the best bed in the world._

_He slept early that day and Chanyeol fulfilled his promise of not disturbing him. He didn’t even wake him up to eat dinner for he knew that Baekhyun would curse him to oblivion if he dared to. Plus, the idol would need a lot of energy for tomorrow’s activity because this trip only had one itinerary _—__ _which would require a Byun Baekhyun facing his worst fear._

 

_“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me—“_

_Baekhyun’s eyes were so wide as he looked at the inflated balloon being pumped by a mechanical device. There was a carrier basket, big enough to fit at least 4 people inside, standing in the middle of a large piece of land. There were people trying to rush past him, talking in a different language, and were probably checking if it was a good day to ride that goddamn balloon._

_“Fucking hell, Yeol! I’m not stepping a foot inside that shit!”_

_Chanyeol bit back a smile and it was fucking annoying because the bastard knew that by doing so, his dimple would show up._

_“But you said it was amongst your bucket list, babe— so why not do it together on our 4th year anniversary?”_

_Baekhyun’s face turned sour because he remembered that stupid list he and Chanyeol wrote before they graduated college. He did list that one out as part of his to-do’s-before-he-die but he’d be needing all the fucking strength he had in his body before he could finally do that. And today’s just not that day. He’s not prepared to fly in that thing and he had no idea when he’d ever be ready._

_“Baekhyunnie— it’s alright. They’re safe. And we won’t be flying over 2,000 ft so if it falls, we’re still going to be alive— I think?”_

_“Well that was reassuring—“ Baekhyun glared at the man. “... but I have a fucking good life, Park Chanyeol. I'm not riding that thing because I still love my life and I’m not ready to die just yet. And if you value your life, you better call the hotel service right now so we can go back. If I die up there, my fans will kill you.”_

_Baekhyun began to step back but before he completely ran away from the place, his waist was barricaded by a strong pair of arms._

_“Come on, Baekhyunnie— You’re not gonna die in there. No one’s gonna die in there. I just want us tick off that bucket list of yours.” Chanyeol tucked his face into the space between his neck and shoulder. “Don’t you trust me? Don’t you want to do this with me? You know that I’ll be there with you as it floats up in the air, right? You’ll be facing your fear with me by your side and if it’ll make you feel better, I’ll hug you all throughout the flight.”_

_Baekhyun tried to pry himself out of the embrace but he’s just so powerless over those gym-built arms. Fuck Park Chanyeol and his stupid gym sessions._

_He already knew that he lost the argument when Park Chanyeol kissed him square on the lips in front of the whole crew._

_“Let’s get that thing up in the air, shall we?” The stupid dork had the guts to smile. “And I have something to offer you as soon as we’re up there.”_

 

_The ride wasn’t as scary as Baekhyun thought it’d be. Maybe because the way it glided was gentler than planes _—_ with no harsh sounds as it slowly float its way up to the sky. He could see how everything turned tiny as it continued to hover up in the air with the gentle breeze propelling the basket in a relaxing way. And the view— oh what a spectacular view that was! It made Baekhyun smile so wide, he could feel his cheeks going numb from too much stretching. The panic he had just awhile ago was slowly dissipating and eventually went away when he felt someone pressing their body on his back and wrapped their arms around him._

_“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Chanyeol whispered as he placed his chin on his shoulder, taking in everything they’re surrounded with. “But it’s even more beautiful with you in it.”_

_Baekhyun chuckled and slowly turned his head, aiming to kiss the man’s cheek._

_“You’re so cheesy, it’s gross.”_

_The other playfully nipped his ear and kissed it after._

_“How are you feeling, babe? Are you still scared?”_

_Baekhyun shook his head as he caressed the arms nestling on his waist._

_“Why would I be when you’re here beside me?” He slowly removed himself from the embrace and turned to look at the man. “I guess, it wasn’t really that scary after all so thank you…” he kissed him on the nose. “... for proving me wrong,” then gave one on his left cheek. “Thank you for doing this with me, Yeol,” then another one on the right. “This is the most memorable surprise you’ve done for me,” and finally kissed him on the lips._

_Baekhyun poured his heart over the kiss without thinking of the repercussions after. He didn’t care if there’s someone with them in the basket because this was their moment and he missed being with his boyfriend. Aside from that, Chanyeol had that effect on him. He was so good at blocking the cruelties that the world unfortunately has. He could make him remember who he really was underneath the fame. He’s the only one who could make him throw out his reservations, the one who could make him feel that he’s just a normal guy loved by a certain giant who loved him just as much— maybe twice as much if he were to be honest with himself. This was what he loved the most about being with Chanyeol— the feeling of security just by being inside his arms._

_“But this is not the whole of it yet, babe—“_

_And then he gently tore himself away from Baekhyun’s arms and slowly knelt down in front of him. Baekhyun’s face grew in shock as Chanyeol raised a black velvet box with a ring inside it. He had a nervous smile on his lips but he kept his eyes on him._

_“Byun Baekhyun,” he said as he reached for his hand and held on it tightly. “I would like to make an offer— a proposal which obviously involves you and me plus the rest of our lives together.”_

_Chanyeol’s hands were shaking as he plucked the ring out of its case._

_“It’s been 4 years now since we took the biggest leap in our relationship— from best friends to boyfriends— and my life has never been the same after that. I didn’t really expect that you’d answer right away so imagine my surprise when you said that you'd always felt the same way about me and that there’s no use in waiting anymore? You made me the happiest guy that day and ever since then, I’ve been thanking God for finally giving me the chance to love you. And it’s fascinating that even the littlest things you do leaves the biggest smile on my face so now— I’m gonna ask you for something… something that you need to think ab—“_

_“You’re blabbering again, Yeol.”_

_Baekhyun’s tears were already running down his cheeks but it didn’t make him any less beautiful because there was a huge smile on his lips that literally lit up his face._

_“Argh— why do you have to interrupt me, babe? Do you know how much of a nervous wre—“_

_Baekhyun shut him up with a kiss and Chanyeol immediately reciprocated._

_“Get to the point, Yeol. You really don’t need a long ass speech to propo—“_

_“I’d like to hang out with you for the rest of my life.” Chanyeol said in one breath. "... so will you do the honour of being my husband, **Park Baekhyun**?”_

_Baekhyun leaned back and arched a brow at him._

_“ **Park** Baekhyun? Who said I’ll take your surname?”_

_Chanyeol finally stood up and gathered him into his arms._

_“Are we really discussing this now? Here? Inside a hot air balloon?”_

_“Yes, we are. I’m not giving you an answer unless we settled on this.”_

_Chanyeol was pursing his lips and Baekhyun averted his eyes so that he wouldn't get swayed by the act._

_“But Park Baekhyun has a ring to it, babe. My surname sounds bet—“_

_“Then give that ring to someone else who’ll also have that same ring with your surname after their names!”_

_“Baekhyunnie~ why are you so mean?” Chanyeol whined and Baekhyun tried not to laugh at how ridiculous the man looked like. “I was the one who proposed so technically— you will be the one who'll take after my surname and why on Earth are we arguing about who’s taking one’s surname when you haven’t even answered my question?”_

_Baekhyun hid his face in order for Chanyeol not to see the smile forming on his lips. He was only stalling— teasing the other guy because it had always been fun to tease a childish giant like his boyfriend, who’d in a matter of minutes, would be his fiancé._

_“You’re right. There’s no use discussing this when I haven’t really finalised everything, right? So you better use those big ears of yours and listen carefu—“_

_“You’re rambling, Baekhyunnie.” Chanyeol had that big grin on his face as if he already knew what he was about to answer. “How about I ask you again, babe?”_

_Chanyeol didn’t wait for his reply and once again knelt in front of him and raised the glittering band._

_“Will you marry me, Byun Baekhyun?”_

_Baekhyun was quiet for a minute then finally gave his hand as answer._

_“Yes, Park Chanyeol. I would love to marry you— and be a **Park** Baekhyun as well.”_

 

“You know you’ve always been the prettiest to me, Baekhyunnie,” Loey was once again staring at the photo with a fond look on his face. “But you were the prettiest the day you said yes to being a Park Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun attacked the man by giving him punches while the other just laughed and evaded his lame attempts.

“Can I ask you something though?” The man asked and Baekhyun gave him a nod. “Why didn’t you tell him about me?”

Baekhyun was a bit surprised at his question but he also found himself asking why because if there’s one person who’d understand him about extramundane things like these, it would be Chanyeol. The man had an open mind and was never quick to judge.

“I honestly don’t know,” he dipped his head low. “I guess, I’m afraid to talk about _you_ with him because I couldn’t even explain how _you_ happened to myself.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, Baekhyunnie _—_ ” Loey held his hands and placed them on his cheeks. “You did the right thing though. It’s actually good that he doesn’t know anything. It’s better to let him enjoy these _remaining_ moments...”

Baekhyun was surprised to see the look of sadness in the man’s face. It was like he was hinting at his own deep despondency and the insinuation made his blood ran cold. Clearing his throat, Baekhyun finally opened up the most dreaded question he’d always been meaning to ask.

“Why are you here?”

Judging by the way the man’s smile dropped for a few seconds, Baekhyun guessed that his question seemed to take him off guard. But he quickly remedied his shock by giving him a smile that wasn’t his usual bright one.

“Because going back is addicting, Baekhyunnie… I just couldn’t get a hang of seeing how love happened between us.”

“Why? Did you forget how _we_ happened?”

“No. I would never.”

“So why are you _really_ here?“

He exhaled the air he was holding. His hands were shaking and he could feel how loud his heart was beating because this was the confrontation he’d been dreading for. He thought about this a long time ago, and with the clues that Loey had unconsciously spilled at times, what he came up with was heartbreaking. Baekhyun just wanted to confirm if his assumption was true and if it was _—_ then Loey must be _stopped._

_“Baekhyunnie—“_

"I didn't understand it at first—" Baekhyun clenched his jaw. "... why you kept on coming back when we already have the future ahead of us. And every time I tried to ask more about the future, it's either you ignore my questions or distract me with something else just to stop me from furthering the topic," He was now struggling to stabilise his breathing. "You thought I wouldn’t get it, did you? That I wouldn’t be able to piece the puzzle together, huh? I’m not stupid, _Chanyeol._ I wasn't born yesterday. I know you’ve been living your life _in_ my memories.”

Baekhyun could feel his body trembling as the onslaught of emotions were slowly getting at him. The man's eyes were trained on him and he returned it with the same intensity. He took a long breath as he concentrated on not falling apart in front of the person he’s about to console. This was just one of the crazy speculations he'd thought of but he didn’t expect that he was— _right._

“Just how many times did you travel back to this date already? Is this the 2nd time? 3rd? 8th? 15th? How long have you been living your life with my diary entries, huh? 2 years? 3? _How long, Chanyeol?_ ”

Baekhyun stared at the man who remained quiet but the look he had on his face made his eyes water. This Chanyeol looked desolated— like he had lost all the hope he had in him and there was no form of consolation that would be able to comfort him. Baekhyun’s heart crumbled at the sight. This man didn’t deserve this sadness and he wanted him to stop torturing himself.

 _“I know I’m going to die,”_ Baekhyun’s tears began to gather at the corners of his eyes. “You’re actually not being subtle about it, Yeol. And—“ he paused, letting out a bitter chuckle. “The fact that you’ve been spending most of your time with me instead of doing shit at work means that there’s _no_ future me nagging at you anymore.”

The tears finally escaped his eyes but the man didn’t move to comfort or even wipe his tears away. He only stood there, _frozen,_ as the tears began to assemble at the corner of his eyes.

“I don’t want to know how I’ll go. Let’s just leave it as that, can we? Let destiny ru—“ Then a sudden memory came into him and it made him chuckle at the irony of it. "Is this one of those times where I tell you not to meddle things with our relationship?”

The man let out a tight-lipped smile and Baekhyun closed his eyes to avoid seeing the pain he could see in his eyes. He felt his eyes sting at the incoming tears.

_"Baek—"_

_“Please stop this madness,”_  Baekhyun said as he slowly opened his eyes. “You’re breaking my heart by doing this to yourself. You don’t deserve any of this so please stop torturing yourself, Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol lowered his gaze to floor and let out a sob he was trying to hold back. Baekhyun quickly hauled him into his arms and held him tightly.

“You’ve been coping about my death in the wrong way and you’ve got to stop running away from the reality. You have to live in your timeline and not with our memories. You've got to stop pausing your reality just to get a glimpse of the past. You've got to let me g—"

 _"Don't you dare finish that,"_ Chanyeol leaned back as he harshly wiped the tears that were falling from his eyes. "You don't get to say that 'cause it wasn't you who got left behind, Baekhyun!"

Baekhyun winced at the harsh tone and when he looked at his eyes, there was a flickering flame that was starting to burn from anger.

"Do you really think I enjoy torturing myself like this? That I like going back and forth when I know that this doesn't help me move on from you?" He breathed out deeply. "You have no idea how difficult it is to continue living without your other half, Baekhyun. You're not the one who gets to struggle against our memories everyday. Everywhere I look, I still see you— Everywhere I go, reminds me of you. It's the purest form of torture that no matter what I do, I cannot stop myself from breaking down every time I remember you're not with me anymore."

Taking in a deep breath, Chanyeol continued, "You have no right to say that because you're not the one who's suffering from all of these, Baekhyun. You're not the one who's drowning in loneliness every time you're alone, thinking of how unfair the world is to let this happen to you. You're not the one who's suffocating with need to feel your husband and if extreme sadness could only kill a person, I would've already died the moment you left. You're not the one who's mourning for a lost love so you don't get to tell me to stop going back because— because I haven't even had enough of you yet, Baek! W-we were just s-starting and you were taken from me before our life even began!"

Chanyeol's eyes were shut but the tears kept on flowing relentlessly on his cheeks. Baekhyun felt the grip on his shirt tightened even more.

"Everything changed when you left— everything _in_ me changed!" His voice was getting louder now. "My confidence crumbled, my mentality's always messed up, my heart could no longer find its peace— I no longer see anything clearly anymore because my head's all about you, Baek. I couldn't even sleep at night no matter how tired I was because I didn't want to wake up without you. I'm tired of waking up not seeing you first thing in the morning! I'm so damn tired but I couldn't let go. So even if it was wrong to keep on going back, I'd still prefer to walk down the memory lane just so I could still see you— _feel_ you, because being here keeps me sane, Baek."

"I was handed a new life that I'd never asked for, a life I didn't particularly want," Chanyeol's voice dropped low and he took a shuddering breath before saying his next words. "And that life is the hardest, most gut-wrenching, horrific, life-altering of things to live with because it's hard to live without someone who gave you so much to remember— someone who's been the reason of your everything, someone who gave meaning to the word love."

Baekhyun quickly took him back to his arms and hugged him tighter, hoping that the other would feel that his heart was bleeding with him too.

"Yeol—"

" _I miss you._ I miss you so much it hurts, Baek." Chanyeol was trembling in his arms as he tightened his arms around him. "It broke my heart to lose you because we have lots of plans, Baek, plans that wouldn't even come to life now that you're gone. I've always thought that fate wouldn't let this happen to us— that our love alone was strong enough to save you that's why I never really entertained the idea of you— dying on me. And because of that, I never got the chance to say I love you, to say _goodbye._ " 

Baekhyun ever so slowly pulled away from the man and carefully gathered his tear-stricken cheeks.

"I'm sorry—" Baekhyun fought the incoming tears from falling. "I'm so sorry for causing you so much pain. I wish there's something I could do to stop you from hurting but— Death is imminent, Yeol. We all get to taste it at one point in time and there’s nothing we can do to stop it."

Then he drew him back to his arms just so he wouldn't see the tears that we're about to fall.

"You’ve been wasting your life on something you have no control of, Yeol. You need to learn to accept the things we can do nothing about. I'm not meant to stay and you're not meant to save me so you have to stop beating yourself up because there’s no point in doing that. No one's blaming you. I'm sure no one's putting a finger on you because they all know, Yeol. They all know how much you love me— That you'll do whatever it takes to protect me to a point where you'll even take a bullet for me."

Baekhyun slowly angled himself back and once again cupped the man’s cheeks to which the latter immediately leaned into.

"I may not know what the cause of my death will be but I’m certain it doesn’t have anything to do with you. You promised to keep me safe, remember?” And then he smiled, the one he’d always reserved for his fiancé, and as soon as the other saw it, he returned it with a gentle one. “I know it’s been hard on you that’s why you have to let go, Yeol. Let go of the guilt you're holding— the could have's, the what if's, and the if only's that's been haunting you down because only by then will you be free from pain."

He wiped his tears, stroked his hair, then pressed his lips on his forehead.

"You’re better than this— _I know you are_ — because you’re more of the optimist between the two of us. It will be hard, I know, but you need to try your best to start over again, Yeol. To own that wheel again so you can drive the life you’re supposed to be living. So please— take this baggage off of your shoulders because there’s no use in bringing them with you every damn day. You are only hurting yourself and those who genuinely love and care for you. You’re only hurting yourself and the people who genuinely love you.”

“Remember what you told me when my mom died? That it wasn’t just me who lost her? That losing her was just as difficult to my dad and my brother as it was for me? So let our families share this with you. Let them cry with you, grieve with you, and be there for you because they'll make you remember that you're not alone in this agony. That you don't really have to carry this on your own because this grief isn’t only yours to begin with. I'm sure my dad and my brother and also Jongdae's hurting for my lost too. Their grief may not be as deep as yours but they're also mourning for me too."

Baekhyun once again thumbed up the tears that were still streaming down his cheeks. There were also tears on his face but he didn't try to wipe them up. 

"You know when I first met you, I thought you were a prince in one of my story books. You were so perfect, really charismatic, and shamelessly handsome that I even thought you were God yourself." Baekhyun smiled softly. "But now that I think about it, maybe you _really_ are God— because with just one touch, you've managed to heal my broken heart back then. I was only 7 years old when I first saw you but I think I felt the familiarity already the moment your hand soothed my back."

He slid his hands around Chanyeol's neck and leaned his forehead onto his. There was a smile on his lips as he felt the other covered his hand with his.

"But you were more than just a prince to me because you were the first person who thought of me differently— the one who made me believe in myself." It was Loey this time, who smiled. "I was 14 when you've started becoming three things in my life: my prayer of hope, my leafy island, and my soothing universe. With you, I feel safe, loved, accepted, and appreciated. You truly see me for who I am and loved me at my best and worse. You've been a sanctuary of warmth and peace, a summary of what a family is, and your arms have always been the place I call home."

"I remember I used to call you stranger when I was younger— the stranger who has a smile that makes other smiles fade into background..." Baekhyun leaned back and finally wiped the tears that were escaping from his eyes. "They have always been your trademark, the one thing that makes you stand out to me. You've captured joys with your smiles and I hope that you'll continue to smile even when I'm gone because it's what I'll want to bring with me to the next life— _my perfect stranger's smiles._ "

“ _So let me go, Yeol,_  let me leave in peace," Baekhyun choked back as sob as he said those words. "And promise me you that you won’t push our families and friends anymore. Promise me that you’ll start owning up the life you’re taking for granted. Promise me that you'll live the life that will soon be taken from me. And promise me— promise me, Park Chanyeol, that you’ll _burn_ my diary when you get back.”

Chanyeol was torn between saying yes or no. He actually attempted to oppose but when Baekhyun held his face and gave him a pleading look, the man found himself nodding and later on crashed on his chest to let out a heart-wrenching sob.

Baekhyun didn’t hold himself back anymore as he cried his heart out because this was his means of putting an _end_ to everything. And even though there’s too much to internalise right now, Baekhyun felt at peace. All the questions were _finally_ answered.

When they finally stopped crying, Baekhyun felt the man nestled his face at the crook of his neck.

“ _I love you._ After all this time, I _still_ love you,” the arms around him tightened and Baekhyun once again felt the wet of his tears on his neck. “It will always be you— yesterday, today, and tomorrow. And for the rest of my life, it will be you. Always, always remember that, okay? _I love you the most, Park Baekhyun._ ”

Then he kissed him. A kiss where every ounce of devotion in his body was poured on his lips. It was a slow and earth-shattering one that was full of longing and Baekhyun found himself reciprocating in the same manner.

“Thank you for coming into my life,” the man said as soon as they parted. There were tears running down his cheeks and it broke Baekhyun’s heart to millions. “And thank you for letting me love you.”

And then he smiled, that dimpled smile that Baekhyun loved the most as he said—

_“I’m ready to move forward now.”_

 

 


	4. THE BEGINNING OF THE LOOP

 

Park Chanyeol had only once fallen in love in his lifetime. It was in the year 2006 when he found out how wild his heart could beat just by seeing a smile, that painstakingly beautiful smile, from the cute boy next door. And it scared him so much because the chest pains really did hurt to a point that it was alarming already. He had never experienced his heart being that hyper. He even thought he’d die.

 _Byun Baekhyun_ was his name— a boy of raving beauty and of prepossessing smiles. He’s an absolute attention-grabber with that jet black, shiny hair of his, coffee-coloured eyes, cute button nose, porcelain skin, and thin enticing lips. He had a smile that could steal one’s breath away, a sight Chanyeol’s gotten addicted to. He’s also a powerful mood-changer because with just one look at his face— it was enough to uplift anyone’s dead tired spirit. The boy was breathtaking and he definitely deserved the title, _campus angel._

He’s also one of the popular kids in school because the boy had a _voice_ — a voice that would leave a lasting impression on anyone who heard it. It had a certain charm on it, soft and melodious, but could also be rough if the song called for it. The boy could also very well express the meaning of every words through his manner of singing and he was a sight to behold whenever that happened. Park Chanyeol had never heard an angel sing but he was sure that if he’d get to hear one, he’d put Baekhyun’s face on it. Chanyeol had always been a member of his fan club. He didn’t hesitate to jump in the bandwagon of the young boy’s avid supporters.

Chanyeol really wanted to be close to him but the merciless beating of his heart would always make a stuttering idiot out of him. But when he saw him having a panic attack that one afternoon at the lab, he felt his heart broke for him. He didn’t expect that despite of how strong Baekhyun seemed to be, he carried a fear with him— a phobia, _which he came to learn that day,_ that was caused by some kids who’d tyrannised him when he was younger. And seeing him in that state shattered Chanyeol’s resolve, his body and mind immediately reacting, as he helped assuage the anxiety of his neighbour. He was glad that his ways of helping weren’t rejected and from then on, he promised himself that he’d never let anyone or even _anything_ break Byun Baekhyun again.

That incident was the beginning and end of everything. They became great friends who enjoyed their youth together. Chanyeol had learned more about Baekhyun and was honestly surprised with how easily they’d gotten close to each other. Baekhyun had never once backed down on anything he’d suggest they’d do. He’s just as curious as him— always eager to know what’s out there in the world and would be willing to try things out no matter how ludicrous the idea may be. And so Chanyeol’s feelings began to deepen— with their daily bondings, he could feel his feelings grow for him. Baekhyun’s mere presence gave him feelings he couldn’t put into words. And his smile, that bewitching, rectangular eye smile of his, would always sneak its way to his heart and set it on fire. Byun Baekhyun’s smile was literally the most precious thing Chanyeol had ever seen in his life so he swore to be the keeper of it and be the reason why it would never leave Baekhyun’s lips.

And then they became best friends and Chanyeol didn’t really know what to feel about that even though he was the one who claimed the title on a whim. It’s not that he’s complaining because being Baekhyun’s best friend was definitely an honour, a privilege he’d get to keep for the rest of his life. But that wasn’t the position he’d want in Baekhyun's life. He wanted _more_ — more to a point where he’d get to love him, call him his and shout it out to the world. He had already fallen in love to a point of no return that’s why he’s prepared to get his heart broken just so he could stay by his side and love him in secret.

Choosing to remain best friends with the person you’d wanted the most wasn’t easy because it also made you fall for them more. And as much as Chanyeol had already anticipated the struggle, his heart didn't cooperate with his plan of loving him in secret. It was as stubborn as a bull and would still push through with its desires. But he couldn't blame his heart for Byun Baekhyun was so damn lovable that it was difficult to suppress the overwhelming love he so badly wanted to confess.

There had been times when he couldn’t help but let a portion of his feelings let loose. He’d almost, _almost_ kissed him that one time he was cutely ranting about the forced kiss he’d had with that senior girl. And he’d never been thankful for Baekbom’s interruption that morning for he was sure that he would’ve surely crossed the boundary and regret it the moment their lips touched. Park Chanyeol would never forgive himself if he lost Baekhyun over his momentary slip.

 _Distance makes the heart grow fonder,_ they said— and Chanyeol would easily agree on that because being away from Baekhyun made his heart yearn for him. He was almost going crazy with his need to be beside him. It was hard getting used to not seeing his best friend every damn day. What’s worse was that it was during his absence when a lot of things happened to his love and he wanted to go back to Seoul just to show him he wasn’t grieving on his own, that he was _there_ for him and would never let him go through with it alone. But with his grandfather’s condition worsening, he couldn’t go home to fulfill the promise he made with himself. So he was left to stay in Busan with his heart hurting so bad every time Baekhyun started crying over the phone.

And it hurt even more when people finally noticed how much of a perfection his love was— how he was worth a second damn look not only for his impeccable face but also because of his bright aura that radiated in his being. It crushed his heart when Baekhyun said yes to Yixing and it broke even more when the latter cheated on him with an ex-lover. Chanyeol seriously wanted to wring the bastard’s neck for hurting his Baekhyun.  But then he realised that if he did that, he’d be hurting Baekhyun as well. Yixing was Baekhyun’s first boyfriend and firsts always made a big impact to people. Chanyeol knew that Baekhyun wouldn’t forgive him if he ever did hurt Yixing. So he could only cry in vain as he let his love wallow in pain.

He blamed himself for Baekhyun’s broken heart because if he only manned up, the love of his life would’ve never known pain and would never shed a tear because of it. He would be happy in his arms right now for he would do anything to give him the world just so he would keep that smile on his face. If he was only given the kind of chance Yixing had, he would surely make Baekhyun the happiest guy in this world.

That’s when he finally decided to confess— but he’d chosen to do it slowly simply because he knew that Baekhyun’s not yet ready for anything heart related. He had to give him his time to heal; he didn't want to be a rebound. Chanyeol wanted him ready for his overwhelming love for him— how he’d get to be pampered for the rest of his life, that is—  _if God would only give him that privilege._ But then maybe fate only wanted them to stay friends because just as he was about to tell him of his feelings, _Yifan_ came into Baekhyun’s life, shattering all the confidence he’d mustered up. And Chanyeol’s heart was once again smashed to smithereens the moment Baekhyun told him that Yifan and him were officially together. 

Baekhyun’s relationship with Yifan was stronger than Yixing’s and _so_ was Chanyeol’s pain every time his best friend spoke of how happy he was with his boyfriend. _Damn best friendship,_ he thought. If this was what it meant to be best friends with someone you love the most then he didn’t want it. He didn’t sign up for this. But at the back of his mind, Chanyeol also knew that it was his fault. If only he paid heed to his heart’s calling and be selfish for once, then maybe he would be in Yifan’s shoes, losing himself in Baekhyun's love. He wouldn’t be sulking over something he didn’t even attempt to win over. And it hurt so damn much to mourn over a chance he knew he could somehow win against with.

But then Baekhyun got left behind again and that infuriated Chanyeol to the core. This time, he really blamed himself for Baekhyun's agony because he didn’t deserve the pain he was in. He’d given his all into the relationship, had invested so much of his feelings on Yifan. Chanyeol was so stupid to entrust Baekhyun to that varsity guy, so stupid to believe that the he would be different— that he’d be able to take good care of Baekhyun’s heart and would never hurt him. Chanyeol knew that if there was one person who would love Baekhyun the most, it would be him and he was so stupid to step back for someone who would ruin the chance he was yearning for. And to make matters worse, Yifan also broke Baekhyun’s heart in the same way Yixing did. Chanyeol had enough of being a coward. He decided that he would now take the risk, _come what may._

When the doctor finally announced that his grandfather was now out of danger, his parents decided to hire a personal nurse for the elder and let him go back to Seoul to continue his studies. Chanyeol was so happy that he wanted to tell Baekhyun of the news as soon as his mother gave him the go signal. But he decided against it and settled on surprising him by enrolling at the same university he was in. This time, he would get to honour his promise and maybe ask for that chance he had always longed for.

When Chanyeol hopped out of the train, he immediately went to SNU to have his credentials assessed. He had worked so hard on his grades during the last school year so it wasn’t a surprise anymore when he got accepted under the Business Management course. After the registrar told him that he was good to enroll for the next term, he immediately ran toward the dorms to see Baekhyun. But just as he was about to get to the said building, he saw him— talking to someone who was wearing a soccer uniform and was hugging the love of his life. Chanyeol balled his fists in jealousy, the green-eyed monster was beginning to overrule his body. He already knew who that boy was since Baekhyun had been talking nonstop about him over the phone. 

Chanyeol never really knew anything about Lu Han— except for the fact that Baekhyun had been crushing on him for a few months now. He’s been gushing about the soccer captain to a point where he was tempted not to confess anymore for fear that he didn’t stand a chance against Lu Han. But he tried not to surrender to his fear because he didn’t go this far only to back out on his plan.

Thankfully, fate was finally on his side this time because when the captain told Baekhyun that he already had someone he liked, he took that as his cue to pursue his best friend, hoping against hope that he’d be given the chance to his happy ending. 

Timing was everything and Chanyeol wouldn’t regret choosing to bade his time because not only did he get _his_ chance but had also gotten something more than he’d prayed for—

_In exactly a month from now, he’d be marrying the man of his dreams._

 

**_Two weeks before the wedding…_ **

 

_“Yeol, let’s make a bet.”_

The smile that Baekhyun gave off was playful and Chanyeol had a bad feeling that whatever he was about to say would have no room for argument. But he’s in love and he would do anything just to keep that sparkle in his fiancé's eyes alive.

“Alright,” He grinned in the same mischievous way as the other’s. “I’m all ears. What do you have in mind, babe?”

Baekhyun slowly crawled into his lap and settled his arms around his neck, the playful smile was still on his lips as he neared his ears.

“Whoever cries first during the vows part will do anything the other asks of him.”

Chanyeol only smirked because he already have something _rewarding_ in his mind he’d ask of him.

“So what does my baby want me to do then?”

Baekhyun rolled his eyes as the other wiggled his eyebrows in exaggeration.

“I think I already know what you’re going to ask me to do— and that involves a dance and a bed.”

Chanyeol slid his hands toward his thighs and gave them a mild squeeze.

“My baby knows me really well,” a proud grin transpired from his lips. “I’m down for it, babe, and so will _you_ be when I win this.”

Baekhyun pinched his side so hard he almost flew out of Chanyeol’s lap just because he was squirming so much.

“ _Fudge, Baek!_ That hurts!”

Chanyeol was pursing his lips as he nursed the part that was attacked. Baekhyun on the other hand, bopped his nose for being adorably virtuous. Even up to now, the taller still withheld himself from cursing and Baekhyun was proud of the man he’d become.

“You’re a beast. I’m calling off the wedding. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with a pervert.”

Chanyeol laughed loudly as he circled his arms around his fiancé’s waist.

“Oh come on, Baekhyunnie. As if you’re not enjoying our midnight trysts—” And he definitely earned a punch for that. “ _Babe~_ stop hurting me! I swear to God I’m going to enroll you to some boxing lessons at the gym just so you’d have something to hit on.”

Baekhyun roared with laughter and leaned his forehead on the man’s shoulder, the latter’s arms quickly enveloped him into a tight hug.

“I want your benz,” he murmured and started drawing kisses in his neck. “That goddamn G-Wagon you oh so love.” Then his lips travelled toward his ear as he released suggestive pants.

Chanyeol’s mind was immediately on his dick because neck kisses were among his weaknesses.

“But you have your own car, babe— why do you still want mine?” He asked in between groans and Baekhyun momentarily stopped to look him in the eye, a bitter smile manifesting on his lips.

“Because I hate the way you care for that shit. You won’t even let me eat inside it and you fucking call it baby. _Like what the fuck, Yeol?_ I thought I was your baby?”

Chanyeol wasn’t a bit surprised at the complaint because Baekhyun had always been jealous of his precious SUV. The car was a gift he bought for himself when the company ranked first in last year’s Korea’s best talent producers. He worked hard for it without the help from anyone and even though Baekhyun offered, he opted not to take on it simply because he wanted to buy it with his own money and from his hard labor.

But ever since he drove it out of the dealer, arguments had been a mainstay in his and Baekhyun’s life because he had unconsciously paid a lot of attention on it and would almost spend his weekends in an auto shop to which his fiancé would nag him about. It almost broke them apart when Baekhyun once tried to scratch the paint of its hood just because Chanyeol wanted him to finish his bubble tea first before going inside. And if not for his fast reflexes, he would’ve really agreed on that break up. The jealousy was stupid but at the same time endearing and Chanyeol knew that Baekhyun would do anything to get his hands on his precious baby.

“What are you planning to do with it, babe? You can’t really drive two cars, can you?”

Baekhyun’s smile broaden and started assaulting his neck with kisses.

“What else? I’m gonna sell that stupid car of yours and make sure you’re beside me as you hand over the damn keys to its new owner.” Then he stuck his tongue out at him and Chanyeol only laughed at his childish ways. “So what do you say, Mr. Park? Do we have an agreement then?”

His lips were trekking down his collarbone as he slowly opened the buttons of his dress shirt. And when it was half way done already, Baekhyun decided to go all the way back to his neck then to his earlobe just to give it a little suck.

 _“Babe~”_ Chanyeol groaned, his hands were now gripping Baekhyun’s waist just to make him stop from grinding against his groin. “I’m warning you. If you don’t have any plans of continuing this, you better stop now.”

Baekhyun only chuckled in reply but he didn’t stop with his ministrations.

“I’ll let you finish this only if you say ye—”

Then he was silenced by a pair of lips and the rest was history.

 

Chanyeol’s been really busy with work ever since the company earned its number one spot and he was exhausted— in dire need of a long break. Aside from his daily unforgiving schedules which composed of meetings left and right, he also had a wedding to plan which all the more drained him out for it was frustrating to watch his fiancé wearing himself out over something insignificant such as sitting arrangement. Baekhyun had a wedding coordinator, _mind you,_ but the preparation already unleashed the perfectionism out of him that every time things didn’t turn out his way, he’d unhesitatingly lash out on the poor woman.

That’s when Chanyeol’s only responsibility came in— _to pacify the situation._ He’d be the one to apologise in behalf of his fiancé and would explain to the wedding planner how much he wanted this event to be as flawless as possible. The woman would only give him a reassuring smile as she said, _‘Don’t worry, Mr. Park. He’s not the first groomzilla I’ve ever worked with.”_

And now that the preparation’s almost over and done with, Chanyeol had one more to worry about— _his vows._ Because he seriously _wanted_ that lap dance.

So one Thursday afternoon, Chanyeol asked his secretary to free his afternoon schedule off. He’d been wanting to visit his parents for it’s been awhile since he last saw them and he kind of needed their help on how to write his own vows. He knew that if there’s someone who could help him win that bet, it’d be his parents.

    

_“Hey dad...”_

_The elder slowly turned his head and patted the seat next to him._

_“I was just wondering— how did you write your vows for mom?”_

_“Isn’t that supposed to be easy for you, Mr. Composer?” The elder sent him a playful smile and the younger pouted at the gesture. “Aren’t you one of the best songwriters in South Korea? Why are you having a hard time writing your vows then?”_

_The old man went back to his newspaper and took a sip of his tea._

_“It’s not that I have no idea on what to write, dad— it’s just that I—“_

_“... you get overwhelmed with what to write about—“ The elder cautiously turned his head toward the other with a knowing smile on his lips. “Is that it, son?”_

_The CEO sighed and eventually nodded at the given conclusion, the elder only laugh at his dilemma. He remembered how it was for him back then— how he struggled to compose his own promise for the love of his life. It had been hard on him to a point that he almost lost it while trying to pen down words that could somehow express his feelings. But what ended up his misery was one question— and it’s time that he passed down this secret to his son._

_“Instead of over rationalising things, why don’t you answer this question, son?” The elder slowly turned his body and took the younger’s hand to his._

_“What makes you truly happy?”_

 

>>•<<

  

Chanyeol never really had the chance to take in the whole wedding set up because aside from being a jittering mess, he also had a lot of people to mingle with. And it was a blessing that his parents as well as his best man, Sehun, were social people or he would have screamed at the guests who were extending their congratulations to him. He was really _that_ nervous because in a few minutes, the moment he’d been waiting for was finally coming true.

The coordinator approached him 5 minutes before the event started. She told him that he didn't need to worry about anything because everything was going accordingly. Then he was suddenly whisked away by the groomsmen to stand at the altar as he waited for his soon-to-be-husband to walk down the aisle. _There was nothing to worry,_ he knew, but he still couldn't stop his hands from shaking badly and the sweat crowding at his forehead.

“ _Goddamn it, hyung._ Will you calm the fuck down?” Sehun shot him a glare as he smoothened out the black tux he was wearing. “I’m going to tell Baekhyun-hyung to cancel this wedding if you don’t stop fidgeting over there.”

Chanyeol exhaled loudly. He wished that his anxiety would go along with it.

“ _I’m trying,_ Sehun-ah. But— But I t-think I’m possessed. I-I don’t have control over my body anymore.” And then he pursed his lips, making the best man snicker at the gesture.

“I understand you’re nervous but if you let that consume you, you’ll end up looking ugly in your wedding photos.”

Chanyeol once again sighed but before he could respond, the music began to play across the venue— the song he handpicked himself because he was sure that it would fit this exact moment. He once again inhaled a lungful of air before he finally turned toward the door.

If Park Chanyeol, in his black, single-breasted, satin tuxedo, looked stunning already then Byun Baekhyun, in his three-piece white suit, was a sight to behold. His hair was gelled out, impeccably, that it provided a great view of his beautiful face. He was also holding a large bloomed bouquet, constructed from hundreds of individual petals, wired together making it look like one gigantic flower. And as he walked down the aisle, together with his dad, Chanyeol felt his feigned composure fell apart when Baekhyun gave him a smile as they reached the bottom step.

 

 _Not sure if you know this_  
_But when we first met_  
_I got so nervous I couldn't speak_  
_In that very moment_  
_I found the one and_  
_My life had found its missing piece_

 

Chanyeol couldn’t tear his eyes away from his groom, his throat constricting and his mouth felt dry. He couldn’t move or even breathe at the sight of the beautiful man in white who was now staring at him with tears in his eyes.

 

S _o as long as I live I love you_  
_Will have and hold you_  
_You look so beautiful in white_  
_And from now till my very last breath_  
_This day I'll cherish_  
_You look so beautiful in white_  
_Tonight_

 

 _“Breathe, baby.”_ Baekhyun’s heavenly voice hauled him out of his trance, immediately soothing him out. “You’re a cheater. I hate you for choosing that song.”

Chanyeol snickered at the scowl that was beginning to manifest in his groom’s face and slowly held his hand out for him to take. Baekhyun gladly accepted it and locked their fingers together.

“Why will you hate it when it fits you the most?” Chanyeol whispered as he ushered him up the platform.

“Shut up,” Baekhyun rolled his eyes but eventually sent him a smile. “It’s just too embarrassingly cheesy.”

Chanyeol was about to reply when the music faded and the officiant stepped up into the microphone with a book in hand.

 _“Good afternoon,”_ he smiled at the audience. “We are gathered here today to witness the union of Chanyeol and Baekhyun and to celebrate with them as well as their friends and families the wondrous and joyful occurrence that has already taken place in their lives.”

Chanyeol turned to Baekhyun and smiled the widest he could while the latter returned it just the same as he tightened the hold on his hand.

“We’re not here to witness the beginning of what will be but rather what already is because marriage is a supreme sharing of experience,” the pastor looked at the couple and smiled at them. “It’s an adventure in the most intimate of human relationships, a joyous union of two people whose comradeship and mutual understanding have flowered in romance. So today— Chanyeol and Baekhyun will proclaim their love and commitment to the world, and we’re gathered here to rejoice, with and for them, in the new life they will now undertake together. So let the ceremony begin…”

The officiant then on focused his eyes on the two men. “To make this relationship work takes more than love. It takes trust, to know in your hearts that you want only the best for each other. It takes dedication, to stay open to one another, to learn and grow, even when it is difficult to do so. And it takes faith, to go forward together without knowing what the future holds for you both. While love is our natural state of being, these other qualities are not as easy to come by. They are not a destination, but a journey.”

“Through this co-operation, we give ourselves our lives and love into the hands of the one we love. We do so trustingly and generously. And so, each of us receives a gift: the life and love of the other. We receive this gift, not only from the one we love, but also from the parents who brought us into the world. So Chanyeol and Baekhyun, go ahead and tell your parents how much you appreciate them…”

It was Baekhyun who stood up first. “If there’s another man, I’m ever going to love next to this dork over here, it’ll be my dad.” Then he stared at his old man with teary eyes. “Thank you for everything that you've done for me and Baekbom-hyung— for lovingly giving in to our crazy demands when we were younger, for working tirelessly for our future and for being the best dad there could ever be. Thank you for giving me away today but don’t think for one minute that you got rid of me though. I may not be a Byun anymore but I’ll always carry the Byun spirit in me. I love you, dad. You will always be my hero.”

Mr. Byun was now crying on Baekbom’s shoulder and Baekhyun gave his brother a gentle smile.

“As for my mom in heaven,” he exhaled a lungful of air. “You will always be the most important woman in my life and I want you to know that you will always hold that position and will never be replaced until the day I die. I love you, mom. Thank you for always watching over us.”

And then Baekhyun finally allowed the tears to escape from his eyes. Chanyeol gently pulled him into his arms and kissed the top of his head.

“Shhh— babe. Don’t cry,” he whispered and gave him his hanky to dry his tears away. “You’re going to ruin your makeup if you don’t stop crying.”

Baekhyun chuckled and took the offered hanky.

And now it was Chanyeol’s turn to pay homage. “To my wonderful parents,” he looked at both with a soft smile. “You guys have always been the rock of my foundation from childhood through adulthood, the pillar of my strength over the last 27 years. And as I start a new chapter of my life, I will take all the lessons I have learnt from you and seek your wise counsel at every step. Thank you for loving me unconditionally and for extending that love to my Baekhyun as well. I love you both. You will always have a special place in my heart.”

Then he turned to Baekhyun’s family side and sent a heartwarming smile to Mr. Byun. “And to my father-in-law— you have raised a very charming and passionate man. Thank you for accepting me in your family and for giving me Baekhyun. I promise to take good care of him and to make you proud. I won’t let your effort go in vain, _dad._ ”

The elder Byun sent him a nod with a teary-eyed smile.

“And so as Chanyeol and Baekhyun’s friends and family,” the officiant spoke and the crowd returned their attention at him. “... we are here to share with them this joy and hope and to see them off on the path they will walk together. May it be a path of blessedness, bright with flowers of prosperity and spiritual awakening; a path of ever deepening, ever broadening love that they will travel, arm in arm throughout eternity.”

Then the officiant said, “I want to ask representatives of both families to light one of the Unity candles. Will you come forward and light a candle please?”

Baekhyun’s dad and Chanyeol’s mom stepped forward to do the honour of lighting the candle. They walked toward the two outside candles and lit the symbolism of the families where the couple came. After that, the officiant now asked, “So who would like to go first with their vows?”

Chanyeol excitedly raised his hand and the crowd laughed at his childish act. The pastor smiled and gave him the floor.

“Byun Baekhyun,” he said, accompanied by a smile as radiant as any stars in the night sky. “I mean, _Park_ Baekhyun...” He corrected, pleased with the way his own surname perfectly fitted the other’s name. “You’ve always been it for me, Baek, ever since that day I saw you walking out of your house with that rectangle smile of yours. I had no idea that my heart could beat that hard— which was really painful, you know. I even thought I’d die.”

A bout of laughter could be heard across the room but Chanyeol only focused on his man who was smiling widely but with tears crowding the corners of his droopy eyes. He had always known how competitive the love of his life was and he would do anything to win against their bet. But what Baekhyun didn’t know was that he would gladly give up his beloved G-wagon just to make him happy.

“From the moment our paths crossed, you’ve surprised me, distracted me, captivated me, and challenged me in a way that no human being ever had. I’ve fallen in love with you— right on the spot, again and again, countless of times, without reservation, and I still can’t believe that today, I’m standing here in front of everyone I love to make one of my dreams come true.”

The smile that Chanyeol had given off was just as magnificent as a new day.

“They say that a person only needs three things in life to be truly happy in this world— _to have someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for._ Guess where chasing after my happiness took me— it led me to you.” Chanyeol slowly enclosed Baekhyun’s hands and gave it a gentle squeeze. “You have no idea how happy I am today to be finally marrying you, Baekhyunnie— the man who made it his life goal to always make me feel alive. You are one of life’s greatest gifts I’ll forever treasure, a mystery personified I am willing to decode for the rest of my life. So let me seal this deal with a vow that will always make me remember my way back to you.”

“I promise to be true to you no matter how complicated things will get to be in the future. I’ll do my best not to take my frustrations on you just because I’m angry or tired. I promise to be your very own giant puppy, who will be loyal to you and shower you with unconditional love whenever you feel like the world is against you. I promise to communicate fully and fearlessly without fear of judgment— to tell you not only when you’re being a pain in the ass but also to keep you grounded when you’ve successfully unlocked an achievement. I promise to uplift and support you, to comfort you when life’s throwing you punches. I’ll even drink vodka with you— _which never fails to make my two left foot dance_ — whenever you get heartbroken over your favourite Korean dramas.”

Another surge of laughter was heard from the crowd.

“I promise to compromise and meet you halfway every single time an argument ensues. I’ll even let you roast the entire house down just to keep you warm because you’re always cold. I promise to be your partner in all things, to work with you as part of a whole. I will never possess you or hinder you from something that will make you grow. I promise to listen, to hear, and to always consider your feelings and thoughts as we travel together on this journey.”

“I vow to love you through the difficult and the easy, to never put you or myself in danger. I vow to make it my mission to put a smile on your face and not be the one to make you cry. I vow to be there with you through the hellish of times— I didn’t gym my body for nothing, babe— it’s actually for when the going gets tough. I won’t ever push you when you’ve had enough of the world’s bullcraps but instead carry you over every threshold, walking through it in behalf of you. I vow to share your woes and fears, your victories and sellouts— and to be your number 1 fan till the day I die.”

“So today, I come here freely— without hesitations— just to give myself to you, you who had always been the owner of my heart. You really look so beautiful today, baby, and you will remain beautiful in my eyes even when you age. I am certain that my love for you will never falter because you are the culmination of a dream come true, Baek. You are my greatest miracle, the last person I’ll ever fall in love with. There’s no man in the world I will trade places with today for it is such an honour to be your husband. I love you the most, Baekhyunnie, and I am so excited to hold you forever.”

That was what it took for Baekhyun to finally cry and Chanyeol once again took him into his arms while whispering, “I hope you’ve practiced shaking that ass, babe, because I’m quite expecting a lot from you.”

Baekhyun hit him in the arm and took the mic from him.

“Can I do my vows now, pastor?” The officiant chuckled and later on gave him a nod.

“You’re a one big cheating oaf, Park Chanyeol! The song you chose was enough to make me cry, you dork! And that’s cheating! I hate you for that.”

Baekhyun glared at him but he returned it with a wide grin.

“As your punishment, I won’t be the one reading my vows but instead— _you will do it for me._ ”

Then he slapped a piece of paper onto his chest but he immediately captured the offending hand and gave it a kiss. And while the crowd ‘aww-ed’ at his gesture, Baekhyun— _on the other hand,_ glared at him.

“Still a lovesick fool for me, aren’t you, Park?”

He smiled at the fuming man as an answer.

“Well then, go and read my vows.”

He gave him an exaggerated nod and carefully unfolded the paper.

“What you’re about to read will most definitely favour you,” Baekhyun said as Chanyeol continued to read with his eyes, word per word. “... but if you ever tease me about this— even once— I’ll make you sleep with Tobennie and Mongryongie for the rest of your life. I mean it, Park Chanyeol. Don’t provoke me.”

A minute after the silent reading, Chanyeol’s eyes began to sting at the incoming tears and he immediately looked up to prevent it from pouring. Baekhyun gently cradled his face and pulled him against his body. Chanyeol tried his hardest not to cry but he ended up sobbing on the other’s shoulder.

The people in the front row began to tear up as well— even the ever composed, Mr. Park, were shedding tears at the sight of his crying son. Unlike Chanyeol’s sister, Yoora, who was almost wailing, Baekhyun’s brother was calm and collect but his eyes spoke a thousand words.

And Jongdae was definitely the _star_ of the moment for the wailing that he did. His fiancé, Minseok, really had a hard time comforting him.

“Go on, babe— read it for me, please?” Baekhyun whispered and slowly pushed him to wipe his tears and gave him a reassuring smile. Chanyeol returned the gesture and nodded at his request. So he cleared his throat and began to read the letter out loud.

       

_Approximately 10 years ago, I could never have imagined I would be in this place— a place where I look into the eyes of my dorky best friend, Park Chanyeol, and pledge my love to him._

_They say that the core of every great marriage is a great friendship and I’m honestly relieved that we already have that established. You are the bestest friend I’ve ever had— the sweetest, most loving, caring and kind person I have ever known. You make me feel so loved every single day and I still can’t believe that you’ve chosen me to stand here with you today. You’ve always been my dream come true, the joy in my heart, the laughter in my voice, and the smile on my face. I guess God must’ve really loved me so much, huh? Because he sent me a piece of himself through you._

_You’re the driving force behind my every success, the motivating factor that made me become a better version of myself, the reality of my daydreams, the calm that drains my rage, and the sun that brightens my storm. You are my model and my accomplice— my true counterpart and the best part of me. And I've never stopped thanking God for the miracle of you._

_Meeting you was the beginning and end of everything for it was at that moment when I finally knew what my purposes in life were. I was made to love you, to hold you in my arms, and to protect you. I was brought here to learn from you and to receive your love in return. I was here because there was no other place to be. It’s rooted in my blood to consume you and be consumed by you. To protect you. To please you, in every way that I can. To make you shiver when I touch you. To cause your heart to beat faster. You’ve always been where my heart is and the reason I’ve never stopped believing in love._

_So today, I’m surrendering myself to you along with my deepest love and full devotion. I promise to love you without reservation, to be there for you when times are difficult, to rally with you, to anticipate your needs, to give my all, to work toward our happiness, and to revel in our good times. I will respect you, honour you, and cherish you as long as we both shall live. I will support you and comfort you through life’s joys and sorrows. I will encourage you, inspire you, and be honest and faithful to you for all the days of my life. I’ll never stop being proud of the man you are and who you’ll be in the years to come. I will stand by your side, in sickness and in health, in an apocalyptic scenario or during a zombie invasion, ‘till my heart stops beating for good. I’m giving you my hand to hold now and my life to keep; you’ll never have to walk alone because I’ll be with you in every step of the way. I can’t promise to love you perfectly, but I vow to love you messily, overwhelmingly, inexorably because without you, I’m nothing— but with you, I am more than myself._

_And because I adore that stupid dimpled smile of yours too much, I’m letting you win our bet. ;) So congratulations, babe. You earn yourself a night to remember. ;) But if you don’t send me one right now, you can kiss that lap dance goodbye._

 

Everyone was laughing and crying by the time he finished reading. Chanyeol had tears in his eyes but there’s also a smile plastered on his lips to which the other man returned.

And then the officiant began with the traditional vows.

“Do you, _Chanyeol,_ take this man as your lawful wedded husband? To have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do you part?”

He smiled widely and without hesitations, he replied with, _“I do.”_

Then the pastor turned to Baekhyun and looked straight into his eyes.

“And do you, _Baekhyun,_ take this man as your lawful wedded husband? To have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do you part?”

Baekhyun tilted his head in a contemplative way then he smiled, his infamous rectangular smile as he said, _“I do.”_

  

 _And with this ring I say to the world_  
_You're my every reason you're all that I believe in_  
_With all my heart I mean every word_

  

“Traditionally, the status of being married is marked by the exchange of rings,” the pastor gestured at the rings in front of him. “These rings are a symbol of the unbroken circle of love— The love that is freely given and has no beginning and no end, no giver and no receiver for each is the giver and each is the receiver. May these rings always remind you of the vows you have taken. Now repeat after me—“

Chanyeol went first and slipped the ring on Baekhyun’s left finger and repeated after every word the officiant said.

_“With this ring, I marry you and bind my life to yours. It is a symbol of my eternal love, my everlasting friendship, and the promise of all my tomorrows.”_

Then Baekhyun took the remaining ring on the table and placed it on his left finger and followed after the officiant’s word.

_“With this ring, I marry you and bind my life to yours. It is a symbol of my eternal love, my everlasting friendship, and the promise of all my tomorrows.”_

The pastor now asked them to come forward to light their unity candle.

“Chanyeol and Baekhyun, as you light this candle of unity together, you symbolise the flame of your own individual selves joining to ignite the partnership of marriage. You also bring the warmth, strength and wisdom of your family’s fire as kindling for your own. As a wedded couple, your flames are separate, yet they feed the same fire. And from this day onward, may you bask in the beauty of the light of your love, may its light shine bright and steady upon your path together and may its heat keep you warm through all the days of your lives and beyond.”

“Chanyeol and Baekhyun,” the officiant was now smiling widely at the two of them. “... you have expressed your love to one another through the commitment and promises you have just made. It is with these in mind that I now pronounce you _married._ ”

The venue was filled with a round of applause and Chanyeol looked at his now husband with a wide grin. Baekhyun, in return, gave him a soft smile and tightened the grip on his hand.

_“Now, I present to you— Mr. Chanyeol and Baekhyun Park. You may now seal your marriage vows with a kiss.”_

And as soon as the officiant said that, Chanyeol slowly crossed his husband’s personal space, his eyes not leaving his, as he tilted his head to the side to plant a soft kiss in his cheek. Baekhyun immediately glared at him but a pout was slowly forming on his lips. Chanyeol couldn’t help but to chuckle at the cuteness of his husband. He once again leaned in but toward his ears first just to whisper, _“You really look beautiful in white, Park Baekhyun,_ ” then pulled back a little to finally kiss him on the lips.

 

 

The reception was filled with laughters and teasing— _with Sehun and Jongdae,_ leading the clinking of the glasses every now and then. Chanyeol wasn't complaining though because he loved seeing how his _now_ husband would blush madly whenever the crowd would clink their glasses together with their best men. Baekhyun would always glare at the two whenever they'd start with teasing and Chanyeol would take that as a cue to swoop in for a kiss to divert his husband's anger.  
  
Chanyeol enjoyed each and every part of the wedding party— From them, being introduced as the newly wed, down to Sehun's toast and Jongdae's speech. And while his best man made a laughing stock out of him, by revealing how much he'd been a nervous wreck that afternoon, Baekhyun's man of honour made everyone teary with his speech.

 _"Baekhyun has always been good with pampering the people he loves the most so you're really lucky, Chanyeol, that you now have a lifetime to get that. So to Chanyeol and Baekhyun—"_ Jongdae raised his glass to a toast. _"I wish you both all the love and infinite years of happiness. May your love be modern enough to survive the times, but old-fashioned enough to last forever."_

When the part of their first dance came, Chanyeol searched for Jongdae amongst the crowd to man the piano. They've been meeting in secret to practice for this surprise he planned for Baekhyun. And when he started singing the tune they're going to sway into, Baekhyun's tears began to stream down his cheeks.

  

 _My head’s under water_  
_But I’m breathing fine_  
_You’re crazy and I’m out of my mind_

  

Then he offered his hand to his crying husband, who didn't choose to accept it but instead, launched himself to him.

  

 _'Cause all of me_  
_Loves all of you_  
_Love your curves and all your edges_  
_All your perfect imperfections_  
_Give your all to me_  
_I’ll give my all to you_  
_You’re my end and my beginning_  
_Even when I lose I’m winning_  
_'Cause I give you all, all of me_  
_And you give me all, all of you_

  

Chanyeol sang his heart out as he continued to belt out the words of his undying love for the man he's now going to spend his lifetime with.

 

 _How many times do I have to tell you_  
_Even when you’re crying you’re beautiful too_  
_The world is beating you down, I’m around through every move_  
_You’re my downfall, you’re my muse_  
_My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues_  
_I can’t stop singing, it’s ringing, in my head for you_

  

And when the song finally came to a close, the crowd stood up and cheered around them but Chanyeol was still looking at his crying husband and leaned down to give him a short kiss on the lips. Then he wiped off his tears, cradled both of his cheek, and spoke into the mic—

_"For all of the things my hands have held, the best by far is you."_

 

>>.<<

 

After the wedding, the succeeding years were all too blissful, too perfect that Chanyeol could literally say that he’s having the time of his life. Baekhyun had changed so much from being a diva-ish boyfriend to a one heck of a husband. He no longer call him an idiot nor a dork but had switched his endearments to either love or darling. He became more mindful of his needs to a point where he’d even cook breakfast for him even though he’d never wanted anything to do with the kitchen. He’s been patient through his dark side, had always made time for him, and had never kept score to any of his shortcomings. He’s gotten more affectionate too to a point where it’s already cringe-worthy but Chanyeol’s not one to complain. He loved it the most when his husband would go cheesy on him.

Aside from that, Baekhyun also gave him the privilege of being the man of the house and respected his personal space whenever he’s in one of his moods. Chanyeol could never be thankful enough for having someone like him in his life. He was truly blessed to marry someone with a beautiful soul like Baekhyun and he would never trade him for the world— even for money and power.

But what Chanyeol didn’t know was that a _huge_ storm was already brewing and that something _big_ was about to hit their marriage.

 

 **Sept 7, 2022.** Park Baekhyun was rushed to the hospital because of his difficulty in breathing. Nobody knew that it had been happening for two weeks already for he was hiding it from everybody, including his worrywart husband. Baekhyun was sent to a lot of different tests to thoroughly check his condition and when the results came out, they found out that he had a 3.5cm mass at the right atrium of his heart. Biopsy revealed that it was _angiosarcoma,_ an infrequent and aggressive heart tumour, regarded as a type of high-grade malignant cancer. What’s even worse was that it had already spread out and infiltrated the surrounding tissues as well as some of Baekhyun’s organs.

Chanyeol was in denial upon hearing the dreadful news. He even thought it was a freaking joke as he laughed it all off, earning him a perplexed reaction from both his husband and his doctor. He didn’t want to believe it but when Baekhyun’s physician began to explain his medical results, Chanyeol felt his world crumbling down.

He really wanted to keep listening to Dr. Kim’s explanations as well as his treatment plans but his attention already stopped processing the moment the ‘malignant’ word came out from the specialist’s mouth because if there’s one word he knew about any fucking disease, _malignant_ only meant serious— something he’d never want to hear in his entire life.

Dr. Heechul Kim had been the Park’s family doctor for a long time already. He knew each of the members and had gotten fully acquainted with them as time went by. The Parks were great people, very generous and had bright auras in them, especially the youngest— who’d always had a huge smile on his face. But when he broke the news to the couple, Heechul had never seen the youngest Park that wrecked.

Chanyeol’s look of devastation disheartened Dr. Kim for he knew how much he adored his husband. He had been a witness to their love story, had seen how Chanyeol would smile— that specific smile that would light up his face— every time Baekhyun came into his sight. They were the most adorable couple he’d met, their love definitely worth envying for. Heechul wanted that love to carry on so he promised himself that he’d do his best to help them as much as he could. That he’d search for any potential treatment— anything that may slow down the progression of Baekhyun’s condition, just to keep them positive about the disheartening situation. It was his job to somehow keep the couple’s hope alive despite of Baekhyun’s case being irreversible.

When Dr. Kim told them that there were available treatments for his husband’s case, Chanyeol’s hope quickly sprung to life. He listened carefully, absorbed every single information by heart and even did his own study about the suggested alternatives. According to his research, these treatments could somehow slow down the progression of the disease but there’s no guarantee that a patient would be free from it. Some patients were fortunate while the others weren’t because the human body differed from one another and one shouldn’t expect to gain the same results. But to Chanyeol, it was more than enough reason for them to try these treatments because who knows— Baekhyun could be a part of that 1% who had been cured from it? They had to at least try than focus on their misery and do nothing at all.

So the couple engaged themselves with the given options— chemotherapy, radiotherapy, and invasive therapy, aka surgery. All of which were expensive methods but money had never been a problem for them. Chanyeol would even sell his body if there’s a need to because he’d do anything for his husband— without even thinking twice.

But said treatments were only promising at first because as much as they somehow helped in eradicating the main problem, they also contributed to Baekhyun’s lethargic state. Chemotherapy made him nauseous and weak every session. Radiotherapy had given him gastrointestinal discomfort, making him vomit 4 times a day. It wasn’t a sight that he wanted to see but he had to ignore the pain of seeing his suffering husband for he knew that doing these treatments were the only way to save him.

Baekhyun’s body continued to worsen day by day, the treatments were now taking a toll on his frail body. He was suffering a lot from its side effects and ever since then, he hadn’t regained his healthy condition. So they later on decided on doing the surgery— thinking that it could somehow make things better for him. But that only declined Baekhyun’s health more for his body wasn’t strong enough to handle the procedure.

Chanyeol now had to assist him all the way out— from going to the bathroom to tucking him down to sleep. It was indeed a tough time for him but he never once lost his faith. He continued to believe that they’d be able to surpass this struggle, that their love was strong enough to cure his husband. Park Chanyeol swore to win against sarcoma. He promised himself not to lose the love of his life because of it.

He never stopped looking for other alternative ways in treating Baekhyun’s condition. He searched around the globe for anything that seemed less health-threatening and it was during his late night google-ing that he found an ongoing clinical trial dedicated to angiosarcoma. According to its claims, an investigational drug had been showing a potential in shrinking the progressive tumours around the heart with a promise of lesser side effects. So Chanyeol quickly emailed the company for more informations and luckily, he got a fast response. He was told that they had to check first if the patient was healthy enough to undergo the trial. Fortunately, he still was and with the help of Dr. Kim’s recommendation, Baekhyun became a part of the trial. 

But then Baekhyun’s body was already tired, it had been protesting ever since his last surgery. Plus, the aftermath of the treatments he’s had before had already deteriorated his health. His body had gotten so weak to a point where he’s not reacting to any treatments anymore. Worse was that, his organs were beginning to fail one by one and there were no risks anymore that could outweigh the benefits. Chanyeol was utterly devastated to witness his husband suffering so much but he still had to keep the positivity in him. He knew that he had to be one to keep them together, even though his own heart was breaking into millions.

By the end of 2023, Park Baekhyun’s body was reduced to skin and bones. He could no longer stay awake for 5 hours because of the pain that was tormenting him. He had been getting several shots of pain relievers daily as a remedy but with his liver and kidneys failing, his body began to refuse the treatment and later on fell into coma.

Months had passed but Baekhyun didn’t wake up from his coma. And on the 3rd month of his comatose state, Chanyeol’s father-in-law finally intervened and asked him to let his son rest. He said that Baekhyun had suffered enough already and it was getting harder for everyone to watch the lifeless man lying on the hospital bed. That if it wasn’t only for the life support machine attached to him, he would’ve been at peace already. The rest of the family and their friends knew that it was the only thing that’s been keeping him alive and unhooking him out of it would finally free him from pain.

But Chanyeol didn’t want to give up. He fought against everyone, including his in laws because he refused to accept their decision. He still believed that his Baekhyun would wake up and would come back to him. That they just had to give him more time. _They all had to be patient._

But then everything came to an end when Park Baekhyun died on May 25, 2024. At exactly 6:43 am, he was pronounced dead due to cardiac failure. Chanyeol couldn’t believe what he just heard and he felt his heart stop the moment the situation began to sink in. He had been stubborn and in denial for so long that he didn’t think this would happen. He’d never acknowledged the possibility of his husband dying, so he didn’t bid him goodbye. And it devastated him that he could no longer do it and that he would no longer tell him how much he loves him.

 

_**Grief is love’s unwillingness to let go.** _

 

 **DENIAL:** Chanyeol kept telling himself that it was just a nightmare, that his husband would still open his eyes and smile at him. But when the nurses began to clear him out of his IVs, Chanyeol finally allowed himself to break down. His husband’s now gone and he couldn’t help but blame himself for putting him into such horrendous torture than making the most out of his remaining time.

He was so out of it right after that— his world suddenly became meaningless and overwhelming. His life made no sense at all, refusing to believe that his husband was now gone. He kept on wondering how could this happen to them when they barely even started yet. What’s worse was that his mind would automatically relate anything he could see to Baekhyun— how it would always think back to him no matter how much he tried not to. And it was hell. He didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t even function anymore because he was so used to being with him every single day. He was so used to seeing him smile in the morning, for it was the booster he needed to get through his days. To come home to him and sleep next to him, signifying the end of another day. There’s memory of him in everything his eyes would land on— painfully awesome reminders of how much they once loved each other.

It was his parents who fixed everything for the funeral because they knew that if they waited on him, he wouldn’t bury his beloved husband. They even had to fight with him just to beat some sense in him. And it was with Jongdae’s help, that Chanyeol finally relented.

_“I know how special he is to you but it wasn’t only you who lost him. He’s special to us too so don’t you dare say that it’s only you who’s grieving. We’re hurting for your lost and we’re mourning for his death but we’re ready to let him go now because he’s tired, Chanyeol. He’s been through a lot already and fought bravely against angiosarcoma so let him rest now, please. Let him be with our maker and watch your back up there.” Then Jongdae was crying with him as he gave him the most consoling hug he's ever had. “Baekhyun may not be here with you in person but his love will always stay beside you, around you, and to protect you through. So let him go, Chanyeol. Let him go with a smile he’d always loved seeing on your face.”_

But it was easier said than done because he couldn’t even dare to look at his husband’s casket without breaking down. His brother-in-law would always run to his side to hug him tightly as he said, _“It’s never going to be easy but we’re all here for you.”_ It was indeed a heartbreaking time for everyone in the family and even harder for Park Chanyeol.

When Chanyeol was asked to give his eulogy, he immediately refused not because he didn't know what to say but because there were no words that could give justice to his husband's greatness. He would never be ready to say his goodbyes to the man he'd always love.

And before Baekhyun was sent to his final resting place, Chanyeol only said one thing before they closed his casket.

_“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for letting this happen to you.”_

 

 **ANGER:** As days went by, Chanyeol began to realise that no matter how much money you have in your bank account, it could never save and exempt anyone from dying. If it’s your time, you’d have to go. You have to respect the rules of life regardless of how much you still want to go on living. He regretted putting Baekhyun into a lot of treatments instead of just savouring his remaining time with him. But what other choices did he have? He’s a human being, a husband at that. _How could he not fight for the life of his husband?_ That one perfect man whom he prayed for to spend all the days of his life with?

Chanyeol spent the following days abusing his health by getting shitfaced drunk and smoking anything he could get his hands on. The hangovers, he now discovered, were the most painful part of inebriation but it was never enough to divert the pain his heart and soul were feeling. He was angry at the world— at God, for taking the person who’s dear to him. And now that he took his husband from him— where on Earth was he? Chanyeol felt abandoned, like he was deserted and was left without anyone to lean on. The thought alone angered him so much. It was like the whole world moved on and he was left to his own, feeling the pain alone. His heart was grief-stricken that he resorted to alcohol and drank himself to almost intoxication every day. Chanyeol couldn’t find any reason to live anymore because there was no one who could console his grieving heart.

 

 **BARGAINING:**  When Chanyeol finally allowed the thought to sink in, he began to pray— to plead for a temporary truce just to see his husband once more. He started acknowledging the supreme beings, beseeching them to let him have one more day to see his Baekhyun once again. He wanted his life back to where it was; he wanted Baekhyun back to his arms again and he would give up anything just to have that. If only there's a way he could go back in time to stop this from happening—  he would go without hesitations— no matter what the consequences may be. He just wanted to be free from this torture, from the pain of his loss, that he would do anything even up to a point where he'd end up living his life in their memories.  

 

 **DEPRESSION:**  Eight months after Baekhyun's death, Chanyeol had _somehow_  managed to snap out of his grief. He settled on a routine just for survival purposes because he still had bills to pay and dogs to feed. No matter how cruel the world had been to him, he wouldn't let his bitterness take the lives of his and Baekhyun's precious dogs. Mongryong and Toben were his only remembrance of Baekhyun and he promised him that he'd take good care of them. The dogs still needed him and were depending on him to father them and he wouldn't disappoint them no matter how hard it was for him to get through his days without the presence of their other father.

Said routine only had two activities— _work_ in the morning and _drink_ at night. 

One night, as he was once again drinking himself to death, he happened to see something on top of the center table in their living room. Even in his slightly inebriated state, he could still see how worn out the black, leatherette notebook was. A tear slipped out from his eyes the moment he recognised what that was. It was Baekhyun's most treasured item, the keeper of his feelings and memory— _his diary._

Chanyeol remembered how Baekhyun used to spend his time writing his memories on it. How he’d kept it up-to-date with the going ons of his life. He'd never attempted to read it no matter how tempting it was to do so. The notebook was sacred to Baekhyun and opening it up was an invasion of his privacy. But now that he's not here anymore and he missed him so much, Chanyeol decided to read it and see how much he'd lived his life.

As he began to read the first sentence, a sudden feeling of dizziness rushed into his being, making him close his eyes just so he could somehow dull it out. But then it was followed by a throbbing in his head that was 10,000 times more potent than what a hangover could give, leaving him with no other choice but to fold himself in agony and scream in pain. It felt like an hour had passed before it finally subsided and when it did, he drew out a lungful of air to catch his breath. He carefully moved his body to check if he could somehow control it but when his palms brush something fuzzy and somewhat itchy, Chanyeol quickly opened his eyes.

What laid out in front of him were grasses, mown so short that the ground was almost peeking through. He's in a garden, _he now realised,_ and it was nothing extravagant— just a small one with flower beds situated along its sides. And then he saw something— or rather, _someone_ at the farthest end of the lawn. It was a young boy, with jet-black hair, kneeling in front of a wooden cross with his head lowered on the ground. His back was facing him so Chanyeol couldn't really see how he looked like but he could sense that the boy was sad.

He weirdly felt the need to comfort him, pulling him toward the boy even though he had no idea who he was. He walked as silent as he could for he didn't want to scare him, hoping that maybe he could give him some answers— on where the hell was he and who's lawn was he at. But as soon as he's close enough to see the little one's face clearly, Chanyeol felt the hair at his nape rise as he slowly recognise those droopy eyes and chubby cheeks.

Then it all came barreling down to him as he finally remembered what he was doing before he got there at that yard.

He was reading Baekhyun's first diary entry—

_The day his pet died._

 

 

**Author's Note:**

>  **SOME CLARIFICATIONS ^.~**  
>     
> If you're wondering why Loey/Future Chanyeol's existence in Baekhyun's life didn't change anything from the past, it's because in this story, Baekhyun's diary entries could NEVER be altered. They're a given already and could never be rewritten anymore since the one who wrote them was 'technically' gone in the future timeline. Also, if Future Chanyeol did alter anything from Baekhyun's past, they may not end up together and that would deviate the whole plot from the prompt. :)  
>    
> Also, if you're wondering why Baekhyun never mentioned anything about Loey in his diary, it's because he never really existed in Baekhyun's REAL timeline. They'd never really met at all not until the loop began. :)
> 
> Like I said, this is a messy story and I'm sorry for confusing you. T_T Remember that this is MORE on Baekhyun's story than Chanyeol's. :) I did try to write Chanyeol's time traveling escapades but I ran out of time. T_T Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it though. ^.~


End file.
